writersblock123
Nov 27, 2011
Undergraduate / Living in a box of crayons - UC PROMPT #1 [5]
alright! thank you for reading my essay! :)
alright! thank you for reading my essay! :)
writersblock123
Nov 27, 2011
Undergraduate / Living in a box of crayons - UC PROMPT #1 [5]
Thanks for reading my essay. I have revised it! here's the revision!
I must confess. my favorite hobby is drawing with crayons. I adore the fresh smell of the plastic fragrance and the wax like texture of this candle like stick. Sometimes, I would just let the crayons run wild on blank pieces of paper, and that wonderfully bright colors gliding over the paper excite my imagination to create.
Los Angeles County High School for the Arts, LACHSA, is like a box of crayons. Each individual crayon is carefully selected by the manufacture and packaged in his or her own individual way. Because of this quality about LACHSA, it has made me more opened minded about the differences between people in our society.
Before I entered LACHSA, I have lived in an air tight bubble, one that is filled with homogenous human beings. My whole life, I have only been acquainted with people just like myself. I was always closed in, with family, friends, and neighbors all alike. I have never had any experience facing different people coming from different backgrounds. The day I stepped into LACHSA was the day that I realized I'm not always going to be shield in that bubble.
As I entered LACHSA, the first thing that I noticed was the diversity. Everyone was so different and foreign. At first, it was difficult for me to adjust to this new environment. I did not even know how to talk to my peers, and I was so scared that I would not fit into this crowd. As time passed by, I realized that no one is trying to fit. Everyone at this school focuses all their energy on doing at they love. That is the reason why they are at this school in the first place. I, too, am here for that very reason, just to create art. For that, I'm already part of the crowd.
LACHSA has widened my scope of knowledge. Being at this high school matured me but at the time given me back that childhood innocence and bewilderment. I've learned to look at art differently, not looking just at the subject, but looking for the objective of the artists, finding out what the meaning and purpose behind each work of art. This is also an aspect that was shown through the people. Since everyone is so different in areas such as wealth, race and background, it would be easy to assume that people of the same background would be friends. However, that is not the case. At LACHSA, everybody is friends with everybody else, and treated as equal. I have learned so much about different cultures and different ways of life. It showed me that diversity is a beautiful thing.
Just like crayons, each person at this school can stand alone as an individual; however, if you put them together they can produce a wonderful piece of art. I came to LACHSA empty handed, but now I can leave here with a personality. I found who I am and want to be: an artist.
Thanks for reading my essay. I have revised it! here's the revision!
I must confess. my favorite hobby is drawing with crayons. I adore the fresh smell of the plastic fragrance and the wax like texture of this candle like stick. Sometimes, I would just let the crayons run wild on blank pieces of paper, and that wonderfully bright colors gliding over the paper excite my imagination to create.
Los Angeles County High School for the Arts, LACHSA, is like a box of crayons. Each individual crayon is carefully selected by the manufacture and packaged in his or her own individual way. Because of this quality about LACHSA, it has made me more opened minded about the differences between people in our society.
Before I entered LACHSA, I have lived in an air tight bubble, one that is filled with homogenous human beings. My whole life, I have only been acquainted with people just like myself. I was always closed in, with family, friends, and neighbors all alike. I have never had any experience facing different people coming from different backgrounds. The day I stepped into LACHSA was the day that I realized I'm not always going to be shield in that bubble.
As I entered LACHSA, the first thing that I noticed was the diversity. Everyone was so different and foreign. At first, it was difficult for me to adjust to this new environment. I did not even know how to talk to my peers, and I was so scared that I would not fit into this crowd. As time passed by, I realized that no one is trying to fit. Everyone at this school focuses all their energy on doing at they love. That is the reason why they are at this school in the first place. I, too, am here for that very reason, just to create art. For that, I'm already part of the crowd.
LACHSA has widened my scope of knowledge. Being at this high school matured me but at the time given me back that childhood innocence and bewilderment. I've learned to look at art differently, not looking just at the subject, but looking for the objective of the artists, finding out what the meaning and purpose behind each work of art. This is also an aspect that was shown through the people. Since everyone is so different in areas such as wealth, race and background, it would be easy to assume that people of the same background would be friends. However, that is not the case. At LACHSA, everybody is friends with everybody else, and treated as equal. I have learned so much about different cultures and different ways of life. It showed me that diversity is a beautiful thing.
Just like crayons, each person at this school can stand alone as an individual; however, if you put them together they can produce a wonderful piece of art. I came to LACHSA empty handed, but now I can leave here with a personality. I found who I am and want to be: an artist.
writersblock123
Nov 27, 2011
Undergraduate / Living in a box of crayons - UC PROMPT #1 [5]
Hi! thanks for reading this! I would really appreciate feedback for my essay, anything helps!
UC Prompt #1: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
I must confess. my favorite hobby is drawing with crayons. I adore the fresh smell of the plastic fragrance and the wax like texture of the crayons. While drawing with crayons, I would just let the crayons run wild on blank pieces of paper. The wonderfully bright crayons glide over the paper exciting my imagination to create.
LACHSA is like a box of crayons. Each individual crayons is carefully selected by the manufacture and packaged in their own individual way. Because of this quality about LACHSA, it has made me more opened minded about the differences between people in our society.
Before I entered LACHSA, I have lived in an air tight bubble, one that is filled with homogenous human beings. My whole life, I have only been acquainted with people just like myself. I was always closed in, with family, friends, and neighbors all alike. I have never had any experience facing different people with different backgrounds coming from different communities. The day I stepped out onto LACHSA was the day that I realized that I'm not always going to be shield in that bubble.
As I entered LACHSA, the first thing that I noticed was, of course, the diversity. Everyone was so different and foreign. At first, it was difficult for me to adjust to this new environment. I did not know how to make friends or even talk to them. I was scared that I would not fit into that crowd. However, as time passed by, I realized that no one is trying to fit. Everyone at this school focuses all their energy on doing at they love. That is the reason why they are at this school in the first place. They are trying just hard not because their parents force them, but because their incentive is their own will. I, too, is here for that very reason. For that, I'm already part of the crowd.
LACHSA has opened my scope of knowledge. Being at a high school like LACHSA has matured me but at the time gave me back that childhood innocent and bewilderment. I've learned to look at art differently, not looking just at the subject, but looking for the objective of the artists. This is also an aspect that was shown through the people. Since everyone was so different in areas such as wealth, race and location, it would be easy to assume that people of the same background would be friends. However, that is not the case. At LACHSA, everybody was friends with everybody else, and everyone was treated as equal. It showed me that diversity is a beautiful thing. I have learned so much about different cultures and different ways of life. Being able to learn the differences made me see me differently. LACHSA defies all the stereotypical nature about a high school, and that matured me.
Because of their passion for art, they can blend into one during a performance, but they stand out as individual. Just like crayons, they are all their separate individual colors; however, if you put them together you can produce a wonder art work. I came to LACHSA empty handed, however I am able to leave here with a personality. I found who I was and wanted to be at LACHSA. While getting to know my peers, I was able to learn so much about myself.
So, I'm having a lot of trouble with showing the readers a picture, I've done a lot of telling, and I think that's my problem. but I have no idea how to show them.
I've trying to get across the point that being at this new high school matured me, it made me tolerant of difference and fall in love with diversity. It has made me unique and showed me who I am.
Thanks again for reading this!
Hi! thanks for reading this! I would really appreciate feedback for my essay, anything helps!
UC Prompt #1: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
I must confess. my favorite hobby is drawing with crayons. I adore the fresh smell of the plastic fragrance and the wax like texture of the crayons. While drawing with crayons, I would just let the crayons run wild on blank pieces of paper. The wonderfully bright crayons glide over the paper exciting my imagination to create.
LACHSA is like a box of crayons. Each individual crayons is carefully selected by the manufacture and packaged in their own individual way. Because of this quality about LACHSA, it has made me more opened minded about the differences between people in our society.
Before I entered LACHSA, I have lived in an air tight bubble, one that is filled with homogenous human beings. My whole life, I have only been acquainted with people just like myself. I was always closed in, with family, friends, and neighbors all alike. I have never had any experience facing different people with different backgrounds coming from different communities. The day I stepped out onto LACHSA was the day that I realized that I'm not always going to be shield in that bubble.
As I entered LACHSA, the first thing that I noticed was, of course, the diversity. Everyone was so different and foreign. At first, it was difficult for me to adjust to this new environment. I did not know how to make friends or even talk to them. I was scared that I would not fit into that crowd. However, as time passed by, I realized that no one is trying to fit. Everyone at this school focuses all their energy on doing at they love. That is the reason why they are at this school in the first place. They are trying just hard not because their parents force them, but because their incentive is their own will. I, too, is here for that very reason. For that, I'm already part of the crowd.
LACHSA has opened my scope of knowledge. Being at a high school like LACHSA has matured me but at the time gave me back that childhood innocent and bewilderment. I've learned to look at art differently, not looking just at the subject, but looking for the objective of the artists. This is also an aspect that was shown through the people. Since everyone was so different in areas such as wealth, race and location, it would be easy to assume that people of the same background would be friends. However, that is not the case. At LACHSA, everybody was friends with everybody else, and everyone was treated as equal. It showed me that diversity is a beautiful thing. I have learned so much about different cultures and different ways of life. Being able to learn the differences made me see me differently. LACHSA defies all the stereotypical nature about a high school, and that matured me.
Because of their passion for art, they can blend into one during a performance, but they stand out as individual. Just like crayons, they are all their separate individual colors; however, if you put them together you can produce a wonder art work. I came to LACHSA empty handed, however I am able to leave here with a personality. I found who I was and wanted to be at LACHSA. While getting to know my peers, I was able to learn so much about myself.
So, I'm having a lot of trouble with showing the readers a picture, I've done a lot of telling, and I think that's my problem. but I have no idea how to show them.
I've trying to get across the point that being at this new high school matured me, it made me tolerant of difference and fall in love with diversity. It has made me unique and showed me who I am.
Thanks again for reading this!
writersblock123
Nov 27, 2011
Undergraduate / "Overcoming failure" - UC PROMPT #2 [3]
thank you for you feedback! I read one of yours, hope you find my response helpful!
thank you for you feedback! I read one of yours, hope you find my response helpful!
writersblock123
Nov 27, 2011
Undergraduate / UC prompt 2 " Taking responsibility for your actions" [5]
The idea of this essay is really good. There are some minor problems.
I think you can shorten "I knew for sure my mom was not sick, because she would eat apples all the time. As the saying going goes "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" was true because she never would get sick. My mother was/is "healthy as a horse"."
also
In the second paragraph, I think you should expand more on your emotions, like how you felt when you pushed her, and how you felt when she was in the hospital.
expand on the conclusion too, i think you should talk about how you act towards her today.
The idea of this essay is really good. There are some minor problems.
I think you can shorten "I knew for sure my mom was not sick, because she would eat apples all the time. As the saying going goes "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" was true because she never would get sick. My mother was/is "healthy as a horse"."
also
In the second paragraph, I think you should expand more on your emotions, like how you felt when you pushed her, and how you felt when she was in the hospital.
expand on the conclusion too, i think you should talk about how you act towards her today.
writersblock123
Nov 27, 2011
Undergraduate / UC Prompt 1 "My room of rest" [17]
I think the revision of your original essay was so much stronger. I got to see the connection between the restroom and your father's wish for you to become a doctor. This is a very very well written essay. I also really liked how your essay flows very well, and the beginning and the ending really connects. However, there are minor problems mentioned above. other than that, your essay is ready to be submitted! good luck!
I think the revision of your original essay was so much stronger. I got to see the connection between the restroom and your father's wish for you to become a doctor. This is a very very well written essay. I also really liked how your essay flows very well, and the beginning and the ending really connects. However, there are minor problems mentioned above. other than that, your essay is ready to be submitted! good luck!
writersblock123
Nov 27, 2011
Undergraduate / "Overcoming failure" - UC PROMPT #2 [3]
URGENT URGENT URGENT
Hi, I've been reading a lot of essays on this site and I thought I could use some criticism. Please, by all means, be harsh and critical, don't hold back! I'll return the favor if someone needs reviews for their essays. However, I'm not a very creative or good writer. thanks for reading my essay, I really appreciate it!
Prompt:
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
It was the end seventh grade when I first heard about LACHSA. LACHSA is filled with artistic students who strive to find success in their individual talents. It was love at first sight. I wanted to be part of that artistic community, however little did I know fate had a different plan for me.
At the end of 8th grade, I decided to apply to the art school. I carefully crafted my portfolio; it was composed of my best works in charcoal still life. After the interview, I felt confident that I was sure to get in. However, I was rejected. The rejection came as a surprise, and I had no idea where I had gone wrong. Did the evaluators not find the drawings of glass bottles and sculptures skillful? I began to doubt my artistic abilities. I remembered when I received the rejection letter, I felt heavy, and the whole room was spinning. I remember picking up my sketch book intuitively and trying to draw, but nothing was right. The position of the book, the brightness of the desk lamp, and the loud music from the neighbors made it seem like the world was mocking my failure. As I sat down and tried to draw again, I felt foreign in a place that was once familiar. Every time I tried to sketch a picture, I crumpled up the paper in frustration, unhappy with the result.
Nevertheless, I tried to put aside my frustration and to concentrate on enjoying the simple act of drawing. As time passed by, I realized that I did not need their acceptance in order to create art. I could still do what I love. Bit by bit, drawing found its way back to me; no longer did I restrict myself to draw what I thought the evaluators wanted to see. I was able to create art for myself, so I started exploring different mediums and subjects. I painted landscape in oils for the first time, I carved my own rubber stamps to make my own prints and I also designed fashion in watercolors. Finally I felt that my personality was beginning to show through my art works. I wanted to keep drawing despite my failure, and I was curious to see how far I could push myself. That is when I decided to try out for LACHSA again. I knew it was a risky choice, and the chances of failing again were inevitable. But I had to; I wanted to continue to test my abilities.
At the end of March, I was surprised to learn that I actually got into LACHSA. It became clear to that I did not have to conform myself to someone else's standards. Instead, I should have kept true to myself.
Now that I am at LACHSA, I feel at home. The initial rejection helped me discover my personality in art. I realized that even though I failed the first time, I should still keep trying, because eventually I will succeed. With my new found confidence, I find myself more willing to expand my boundaries to try new things, letting my curiosity run wild.
URGENT URGENT URGENT
Hi, I've been reading a lot of essays on this site and I thought I could use some criticism. Please, by all means, be harsh and critical, don't hold back! I'll return the favor if someone needs reviews for their essays. However, I'm not a very creative or good writer. thanks for reading my essay, I really appreciate it!
Prompt:
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
It was the end seventh grade when I first heard about LACHSA. LACHSA is filled with artistic students who strive to find success in their individual talents. It was love at first sight. I wanted to be part of that artistic community, however little did I know fate had a different plan for me.
At the end of 8th grade, I decided to apply to the art school. I carefully crafted my portfolio; it was composed of my best works in charcoal still life. After the interview, I felt confident that I was sure to get in. However, I was rejected. The rejection came as a surprise, and I had no idea where I had gone wrong. Did the evaluators not find the drawings of glass bottles and sculptures skillful? I began to doubt my artistic abilities. I remembered when I received the rejection letter, I felt heavy, and the whole room was spinning. I remember picking up my sketch book intuitively and trying to draw, but nothing was right. The position of the book, the brightness of the desk lamp, and the loud music from the neighbors made it seem like the world was mocking my failure. As I sat down and tried to draw again, I felt foreign in a place that was once familiar. Every time I tried to sketch a picture, I crumpled up the paper in frustration, unhappy with the result.
Nevertheless, I tried to put aside my frustration and to concentrate on enjoying the simple act of drawing. As time passed by, I realized that I did not need their acceptance in order to create art. I could still do what I love. Bit by bit, drawing found its way back to me; no longer did I restrict myself to draw what I thought the evaluators wanted to see. I was able to create art for myself, so I started exploring different mediums and subjects. I painted landscape in oils for the first time, I carved my own rubber stamps to make my own prints and I also designed fashion in watercolors. Finally I felt that my personality was beginning to show through my art works. I wanted to keep drawing despite my failure, and I was curious to see how far I could push myself. That is when I decided to try out for LACHSA again. I knew it was a risky choice, and the chances of failing again were inevitable. But I had to; I wanted to continue to test my abilities.
At the end of March, I was surprised to learn that I actually got into LACHSA. It became clear to that I did not have to conform myself to someone else's standards. Instead, I should have kept true to myself.
Now that I am at LACHSA, I feel at home. The initial rejection helped me discover my personality in art. I realized that even though I failed the first time, I should still keep trying, because eventually I will succeed. With my new found confidence, I find myself more willing to expand my boundaries to try new things, letting my curiosity run wild.
