onioninlay
Nov 30, 2011
onioninlay
Nov 30, 2011
Undergraduate / 'An internship in a dentist office' - CommonApp Essay for Stony Brook [8]
Thank you shutterbutter92 and mohemed459. I have revised the essay a little, how is the new version sound?
============================================
What appeals to me first about Stony Brook University is its Scholars for Dental Medicine program.
A summer internship in a dentist office brought me a close-up look at a job as a dentist. From that point, I started thinking myself sitting on a dentist's chair. I love playing flute and coding computer, former rely on hands and later on brain. Practicing dental surgery on patients with my hands, diagnosing disease and helping people reduce their pains with my brain, I fell dentistry is my flute and computer, and the career will fit my personality perfectly. SBU's program provides an integrated eight-year study for determined students interested in attending dental school, which is exactly what I want.
A college visit assured Stony Brook University on top of my list. I like its quiet, nice and green campus which perfectly sits in suburb of NYC. While visiting, I immediately noticed and enjoyed the atmosphere of diversity, not only because I have minority background, but also I believe diversity goes beyond just ethnicity. It will be beneficial of experiencing different cultures, ways of thinking and perceptions from the diverse student body.
All aspect of the Stony Brook University seems to fit my image of a perfect University. When I learned that the school was still growing. I was excited and eager to be a part of the growing while excelling my studies at Stony Brook University.
Thank you shutterbutter92 and mohemed459. I have revised the essay a little, how is the new version sound?
============================================
What appeals to me first about Stony Brook University is its Scholars for Dental Medicine program.
A summer internship in a dentist office brought me a close-up look at a job as a dentist. From that point, I started thinking myself sitting on a dentist's chair. I love playing flute and coding computer, former rely on hands and later on brain. Practicing dental surgery on patients with my hands, diagnosing disease and helping people reduce their pains with my brain, I fell dentistry is my flute and computer, and the career will fit my personality perfectly. SBU's program provides an integrated eight-year study for determined students interested in attending dental school, which is exactly what I want.
A college visit assured Stony Brook University on top of my list. I like its quiet, nice and green campus which perfectly sits in suburb of NYC. While visiting, I immediately noticed and enjoyed the atmosphere of diversity, not only because I have minority background, but also I believe diversity goes beyond just ethnicity. It will be beneficial of experiencing different cultures, ways of thinking and perceptions from the diverse student body.
All aspect of the Stony Brook University seems to fit my image of a perfect University. When I learned that the school was still growing. I was excited and eager to be a part of the growing while excelling my studies at Stony Brook University.
onioninlay
Nov 30, 2011
Undergraduate / 'An internship in a dentist office' - CommonApp Essay for Stony Brook [8]
Thank you diania234. I do have more to say. However, the maxim is 1,500 letters, and I've put up 1,213 here.
I am looking at the flaws you mentioned and will reorganize and post it soon.
I really appreciate your prompt reply.
Thank you diania234. I do have more to say. However, the maxim is 1,500 letters, and I've put up 1,213 here.
I am looking at the flaws you mentioned and will reorganize and post it soon.
I really appreciate your prompt reply.
onioninlay
Nov 30, 2011
Undergraduate / 'An internship in a dentist office' - CommonApp Essay for Stony Brook [8]
I am not very strong in essay writing, your feedback will be greatly appreciated.
Prompt: "Briefly state why you are considering Stony Brook University"
====================================================================== ===
What appeals to me the most about Stony Brook University is its Scholars for Dental Medicine program.
An internship in a dentist office brought me a close-up look at a job as a dentist. I love playing flute and coding computer, former rely on hands and later on brain. Practicing dental surgery on patients with my hands, diagnosing disease and helping people reduce their pains with my brain, I felt dentistry is my flute and computer, and the career fit my personality perfectly. The program provides an integrated eight-year study for determined students interested in attending dental school, which is just what I want.
A college visit assured Stony Brook University on top of my choices. I like its quiet, nice and green campus which perfectly sits in suburb of NYC. I love the atmosphere of diversity, too, not only because I have minority background, but also I believe diversity goes beyond just ethnicity. It will be beneficial of experiencing different cultures, ways of thinking and perceptions from the diverse student body. All aspect of the Stony Brook University seems to fit my image of a perfect university and it is still growing, I want to be a part of the growing and excel my studies here.
I am not very strong in essay writing, your feedback will be greatly appreciated.
Prompt: "Briefly state why you are considering Stony Brook University"
====================================================================== ===
What appeals to me the most about Stony Brook University is its Scholars for Dental Medicine program.
An internship in a dentist office brought me a close-up look at a job as a dentist. I love playing flute and coding computer, former rely on hands and later on brain. Practicing dental surgery on patients with my hands, diagnosing disease and helping people reduce their pains with my brain, I felt dentistry is my flute and computer, and the career fit my personality perfectly. The program provides an integrated eight-year study for determined students interested in attending dental school, which is just what I want.
A college visit assured Stony Brook University on top of my choices. I like its quiet, nice and green campus which perfectly sits in suburb of NYC. I love the atmosphere of diversity, too, not only because I have minority background, but also I believe diversity goes beyond just ethnicity. It will be beneficial of experiencing different cultures, ways of thinking and perceptions from the diverse student body. All aspect of the Stony Brook University seems to fit my image of a perfect university and it is still growing, I want to be a part of the growing and excel my studies here.