Undergraduate / 'joined a motorcycle club' - personal statement, leadership and achievement [4]

Hi everyone. I'm currently applying for Singapore University of Technology and Design. I googled some tips and luckily found this board. I appreciate any proofreading and suggestions from you. Thank you in advance ;)

This is my essay :

"If someone were to ask me to describe my life as a kid, I would reply, all that I knew was that the early stages of my life were transient. They felt evanescent with a touch of whimsy lost in translation and I was not able to garner much information from the not-so-distant past. Yet, one thing I knew for sure: That my dire lust for complex machinery shows the mechanical engineer inside me.

I was only ten when I first landed myself with a battery powered tamiya car. Fanciful it may sound, it was not just another toy but one that offered what a real car had, save for passenger seats and air conditioning. I was absolutely riveted with the harmonic works of the engines that created a complex mechanical system. As I grow up, the love for mechanical engineering continue rising, and my passion for making my own stuff and longing for visually attractive objects remain undiminished.

Once in Junior High School I joined a motorcycle club and did a lot of research of bike engines, and through a rigorous training, I finally understand all of its component and how it works. The frantic roar of an engine coming to life was a frightening experience. A grey metallic orifice sputtered and stuttered hues of bluish grey smoke against the cool night sky. I gave the throttle a light blip and the revs climbed willingly, accompanied by a sweet serenading growl. Giving the bike a final check, I registered in my mind; transmission checked, differentials checked, camber angle checked, suspension checked and we were ready to go!

Moving to high school I joined a car club and was elected to be a leader of official science and math project. We worked lots of things. One of them is designing a stable carnot machine with all of its complex mechanical component to generate a maximum power with the least waste. After being tested for a week by bunch of examination, our creation was chosen, representing my region for the National contest of excellent students and then won the gold medal. By hosting a team, I learnt a lot about ownership and compromise, which was an extraordinary experience for me to be with many confident Indonesian students. Since then, I have found that interacting with other people is a great way to keep myself inspired.

Furthermore, I realized that challenging myself and taking part in extracurricular activities do wonders for me. I was the assistant-trainer in official Taekwondo martial arts team bearing blue-belt. Striker and Captain in my soccer team and the leader of my Motorcycle Club.

I believe with SUTD prestigious aid I will be able to continue my education to the highest. As an international student, I will try my best to further the studies in engineering systems and design. Upon completing study, I hope I will have my own studio, where I can live my dream and contribute myself to the community."