Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by PandaNinja015
Joined: Dec 17, 2011
Last Post: Dec 17, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 1  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 2
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PandaNinja015   
Dec 17, 2011
Undergraduate / Unique, fun, community--Why Northwestern? [6]

I hate to echo the ideas of other, but I think the details of the actual advertisement doesn't flow well with the sentence about Weinberg College (though it did flow pretty well with the first sentence). And I like how the vivid image of the bird came into play at the end of the paragraph.

Red: My revision/reason(s) for the revision

While I have not yet had a chance to visit Northwestern,[I don't think it would benefit you to mention this.] I believe that I will be able to fit into the diverse community. I plan on participating in activities ranging from Dillo Day and The Marathon Dance to Intramurals and clubs. Apart from offering numerous campus activities, Northwestern also provides numerous off campus opportunities to students due to its proximity to Chicago. I want to go to Northwestern because not only does it have the type of learning environment I am looking for, but it also has the type of close-knit, diverse, fun, unique, and open-minded community I want to be a part of.

Actually, aside from that one thing, your essay has pretty solid ideas. However, I think the second paragraph lacks good transitions from one sentence to another. I thought it was a bit abrupt when you jumped from activities on campus (e.g. dance and clubs) to those off-campus.

I apologize if my comments and revisions weren't very helpful. Still pretty new to giving feedback.
PandaNinja015   
Dec 17, 2011
Undergraduate / UVa Supplements. Work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature [2]

1. What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way?

As a child, my conservative grandmother told me that homosexuality was a choice. I was too young to understand what that meant but I accepted it as a fact; in doing so, however, I unknowingly denied myself the opportunity to think independently. It wasn't until several years later, when I visited a used-books store and selected a text entitled Neuroscience, that I would begin to correct my mistake.

In one of book's chapters, it cites studies that identified neuroanatomical differences between hetero- and homosexual males that could influence their sexual orientation. Initially, I was uncertain of whether or not to continue- afraid of the answers it might contain. But I kept on reading; drawn by the question of if one's sexuality is a choice.

Unfortunately, the book was inconclusive, so I began to research extensively, digging through various journals and texts. All provided me a myriad of information regarding the brain, but none gave me a substantial answer. I was disappointed that my effort had led to mere ambiguity. But then I realized what I gained along with it; I managed to expunge my grandmother's notions and instilled my own beliefs - I became acquainted with the brain, inspired to further study the mechanisms that allow people to be who they are. And, most significantly, I discovered my passion: neurology. From that moment forward I made it my aspiration to become a neurologist, so that I could preserve the minds and abilities of others.
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