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Posts by kzheng
Joined: Dec 19, 2011
Last Post: Dec 21, 2011
Threads: 3
Posts: 3  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 6
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kzheng   
Dec 21, 2011
Undergraduate / My Love for Milk- CommonApp 'Topic of Your Choice' Essay [3]

Here is my Common Application Essay on a topic of my choice. All advice would be much appreciated. Thanks!

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

I could still hear that question ringing in the back of my head when I moved into my dorm room at the UNC School of the Arts. I was 14 years old, a complacent teenager who was eagerly looking forward to going to school far from parental supervision. I was excited to lead this new life, but I had a great obstacle to overcome: myself. How easy is it for a lively young man to lose control when his parents are hundreds of miles away from him? Seeing what has happened to my classmates, the answer is: very easy. Luckily for me, I embraced help when it arrived.

As a freshman, I was required to take "Wellness," and, as the name implies, the class was unbearably tedious-the teacher's tendency to drone coined the new course name: "Nap Time." The unpopular reputation of Nap Time was, however, going to change forever with a new instructor. His name was Mr. Wilson.

We were in class the usual 10 minutes early-Students were slouched in all shapes and positions; some were already dangerously close to drooling. Here I was, in a room full of lethargic zombies. My brain fluttered into another dimension and I-

BANG! The door shuddered. "Hello class, my name is Mr. Wilson, and I'm here to teach you how to NOT be stupid with your time."

All heads went up in the room, accompanied by the sounds of people wiping up their slobber. At the front of the classroom, we saw a young, confident man brimming with a cheesy grin. Nap Time became Wellness once again.

"You've got your task here; it's like a cup of milk. You leave it out in the air, and it'll mold and rot. It'll make you feel bad. If you refrigerate it, it'll taste stale, and make you feel even worse. Many times, it's better to just drink that damn thing and get it over with."

Drink that damn thing and get it over with. The crude phrase left a surprisingly profound mark on my work ethic. My great obstacle gradually crumbled; as hard as it was abandoning those nights staying up and watching movies, I had to suppress all such desires. It was time for me to drink my milk, to achieve great things, and I was going to love every minute of it.

Since then, I have attained that delicate balance between work and play. I have learned that persistence and discipline can take me to unprecedented heights, and having already lived in an independent environment for four years, college will be a familiar setting. I know what is expected of me, and I realize that the next few years will be my chance to achieve at an even higher level, to drink even more milk, and if I am to be sure of anything, it is this: I love to drink milk. Literally.
kzheng   
Dec 21, 2011
Undergraduate / 'leadership, dedication, optimism, and curiosity' - Why Stony Brook? [4]

To be honest, I was terrified about meeting him. -- just be straightforward there

Dr. Deshpande isn't a tour guide or admissions officer, who's paid to make the Seawolves look good -- be careful about this phrase; it sounds like you're taking a stab at admissions officers, which isn't a good idea for a college admissions essay

Stony Brook is my first choice. -- Seems a little out of place; maybe you could put it in the first paragraph

But other than that, you seem to know Stony Brook very well! Best of luck!
kzheng   
Dec 20, 2011
Undergraduate / 'a BMW, dream school: U of M Ann Arbor' - Short Response about College [3]

I think you could spend less time elaborating on your aspirations of becoming a pediatric dermatologist, since U-Mich is not the only place you can go to get a good medical education, and spend more time talking about how the departments at the school attract you (courses, unique programs, professors, etc.) You start getting into the specifics in the third paragraph, but you need to elaborate more. Long story short, cut out some of the first paragraph, and really elaborate in the last paragraph.
kzheng   
Dec 20, 2011
Undergraduate / Bridging the Disciplines- UNC Chapel-Hill supplemental essay [3]

Hi everyone, here is the supplemental essay I wrote in response to the prompt: "What's your latest discovery? What do you hope to learn next?" All feedback is much appreciated! Thank you!

Bridging the Disciplines

The boy could not take it any longer. The box was hissing quietly and incessantly. "Open me... Open me!" It was a delectable chocolate bar-urging him; tempting him. He heaved the case onto the couch, and unfastened the clasp.

"What are you doing, Kevin?" his father's voice materialized behind him.

The boy whirled around, trying to conceal his discovery, "Nothing! Nothing!" he cried.

Seeing the box, the father chuckled, "So you've found the violin, haven't you?"

"So that's what it was." The boy had seen his neighbor play it before.

"Would you like to try it?"

The child nodded vigorously, and carefully removed the instrument from its case. The varnish shone a magnificent amber. The bow hair glistened like a pearl, like a lightsaber. He never saw a white lightsaber-wielding Jedi, but that did not matter. He was ready.

Since then, I found, to my grief, that I was in fact far from a Jedi, but I have made great strides in my art. From age 7, I have been performing regularly in hospitals. The environment is deathly quiet, only with the occasional ring of the telephone or chime of the elevator. Patients roam about in silence, and the barren atmosphere only makes their emotional burdens more painful. Luckily, I can help; music can soothe emotional distress that is beyond the reach of traditional medicine.

****

It was a serene summer morning, with the first rays of the sunrise peeking over the horizon. The air was humid and unnaturally heavy on our shoulders; all was silent, save the muffled beginnings of tears; nature's hum had stopped, as if to leave this moment only for us. The heart-wrenching theme of Schindler's List flowed from my fingertips -it was an expression of sorrow, of grief, an expression of the inexpressible. My uncle's sincere complexion and glowing smile brought back a flurry of memories: The family photo, with my uncle's towering figure in the middle, and his sisters laughing and leaning against him, smiles full of happiness and hope for the future. "Be careful! Don't hurt yourself!" he called out to us as my brother and I scampered through the streets. I wish I had the opportunity to say the same to him.

As I closed my clouding eyes, I could feel the melody drifting into the heavens, transcending earthly boundaries. Somewhere beyond, my uncle was listening, watching, longing to be with us, to love us. As the last note slowly faded away, he vanished reluctantly; a compassionate young man with infinite love for his family- gone forever. I stood before the gravestone utterly powerless, realizing that like medicine, music also has its curative limits.

Henceforth, my goal is quite clear: to pursue an interdisciplinary program. I will continue fulfilling my childhood fantasy, and simultaneously explore the world of life science. One day, I will be able to bridge the two disciplines. After all, there is more than one way to fight the dark side of the Force.
kzheng   
Dec 19, 2011
Undergraduate / 'mesmerized by Duke's Economic Department' Why Duke? Trinity College Supplemental [3]

Hi, this is my supplemental essay for Duke University! Any suggestions/feedback would be greatly appreciated! Also, do you think it's okay for me to have 3 paragraphs when the prompt asks for 2 paragraphs max?

Duke and I go a long way back. Go back 13 years, and you will see my brother and me trying to catch a turtle in the pond at Duke Gardens. Go back 8 years, and you will see my first public performance in the Page Auditorium. Go back 7 years, and you will see me at Hsiao-Mei Ku's recital in the Nelson Music Room. Go back 6 years... you get the point. My musical life was inextricably tied to Duke University, and I owe much of my musical success today to the inspiration I drew as a young boy from Duke's violin faculty, notably Hsiao-Mei Ku and Eric Pritchard. Professor Ku's performance of Si Nian and Xi You motivated me to expand my technical prowess, and I made great progress after working persistently to emulate her performance. I also had many lessons with Professor Pritchard, all of which left a profound mark on my violin performance. His extraordinary musicality gave me fresh interpretations, and his knowledge of chamber music was unlike any other teacher I had met. I would love to have the opportunity to attend Duke and work with my two great inspirations.

From the academic standpoint, I am mesmerized by Duke's Economic Department, because, as I have heard from current students, it teaches more than just money-it teaches the science of resources, of tradeoffs, and that is helpful in any kind of discipline. I think the broad economic curriculum at Duke is truly unique; there are even pre-med students who admit that the Economic Department has prepared them for medical school! And to find that Duke Economics offers courses that specifically teach pre-meds to make clinical decisions is remarkable. I hope that I can enter the interdisciplinary program, and bring my zeal for music and academia to pursue my lifelong goals. Granted, everyone at Duke is academically stellar, but I trust that my fervor for classical music and my artistic upbringing will bring a new element to the college community.

When I walked up Chapel Street as a boy, the Gothic architecture frightened me. Something mysterious is happening behind those doors, I would think. 10 years later, I am no longer intimidated by the buildings, but I know that what goes on, whether it is music, biology, or economics, is nothing short of amazing, nothing short of inspiring.
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