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Posts by dhanu12
Joined: Dec 20, 2011
Last Post: Dec 24, 2011
Threads: 2
Posts: 7  

From: India

Displayed posts: 9
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dhanu12   
Dec 24, 2011
Undergraduate / Common App- a creative work (The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost) [6]

I really like the choice of your poem. It is really applicable to our daily lives.
The essay is well structured, but i think you may want to change your first paragraph because it is just paraphrasing the poem. You may want to start with an anecdote from your life, to make it more catchy. The essay gets convincing towards the end. Overall, its a good essay but pieces from your life (which I think will be interesting) will make the essay more lively.

Help with mine :)
dhanu12   
Dec 24, 2011
Undergraduate / 'close knit and diverse Colby family' - Why Colby? [5]

Briefly discuss your reasons for applying to Colby:

Because I want to experience liberal arts education. I believe that liberal arts education will help me in my quest for finding what I really want to do in life. Learning makes me happy and I believe that knowledge gives you power. Liberal arts education will give me a global perspective and mold my way of thinking. I want to look into the microscope, solve an obscure math problem, create an explosion in the lab, debate about China's new policy all at the same time.

Because I want to be a part of this close knit and diverse Colby family. After living in a small and diverse boarding school for two years, I understood the importance of having people with different cultures, ideals, experiences and backgrounds around me. I want to know their perspective and share mine. I want to make friendships transcending differences. Eventually, I want to create an experience wich will broaden my horizons and make me a global citizen.

Because I want to do something crazy(can I get an alternative word?) during jan plan. The very idea of jan plan excites me. I want to become an active citizen of the world. Colby and volunteerism are inextricably linked. From helping the local community to participating in the modern movements of social and environmental activism, Colby is a channel through which I can make a difference.

Because Waterville is a beautiful place. Being from a town which is close to nature, I think Waterville will be where I can explore the surroundings.

Because I think Colby's mascot is cute.
dhanu12   
Dec 20, 2011
Undergraduate / 'hope you have a relaxing year ahead' - Stanford- Future Roommate [13]

First of, I am an Indian as well (from Mumbai), hence I could understand what you were trying to say. But I think some of the things would seem alien to the admissions officer. You have talked a lot about what you are like. But I think specifically stating the names of the bollywood songs or celebrities would not help. I think you should also have a paragraph about what you want to know/learn about your future roomate.

Help with mine please :)
dhanu12   
Dec 20, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Fate is a chance' - Johns Hopkins supplement [3]

Hi fellow UWCer ( I am from LPCUWC)
I think this is more of an essay for your personal statement. I liked your choice of words. But I could not get the gist. What are you trying to convey? I think revising the flow of your essay would help.
dhanu12   
Dec 20, 2011
Undergraduate / 'a responsibility towards my society' - Common app personal [6]

PERSONAL ESSAY 1
Rough outline:
Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you. 
I am going to discuss how participating in the anti- corruption movement has changed me as a person. How I transformed from a pessimist to an optimist. How I am more confident in believing in my values even more. How I believe that treading a virtuous path is the way to happiness.

THE ESSAY:
It was a very sunny afternoon. My toes had gone red due to the Indian sun. "Now , mom is going to taunt me about my tanned feet" I thought. But I could not care less. It was the first time I had fasted in my whole life and not to my surprise my stomach started rumbling. Absent mindedly I looked around and I saw two of my friends joining me in the anti-corruption fast which was taking place throughout the country.

Just a day before my country's 65th anniversary of independence, I was protesting for independence from corruption.
Somewhere inside me there was hope rising. Being from a middle-class Indian family corruption was not new to me. Just a month before these protests I was a victim of this malpractice. While travelling through train I and some of my friends were forcefully put in a different compartment of a train, just because some minister did not want any civilians in his compartment. It was evident that he had bribed the railway officials. In the beginning I was very pessimistic about this issue. But after this incident some sort of anger was burning inside me. I felt guilty at the same time, because, like everyone else, I had accepted this demoralizing act.

But there were some questions in my mind. What, after all, was I going to gain after joining this mass movement? Is this movement in a very small town in India going to make a change? Is my individual participation going to make any change? The movement is still going on and has created a considerable effect on the Indian society and the government. But, personally, this movement has made me discover a new me who believes in her own virtues and is not ashamed of practicing them.

This 'change' was not only made by this movement but also by some other experiences.
As a child, I always saw acceptance to this easy way of getting this done. But, I was brought up by a family which is principle-centered. I think, my parents were successful in imbibing those values in me. It was difficult to lead a virtuous path. I was even treated as an outcast in middle school when I tried to make my friends believe in those virtues as well. They always told me that I need to be pragmatic to survive and be successful in this 'big bad world'. Unfortunately, I succumbed to peer-pressure and eventually began accepting corruption. Before my acceptance could turn into participation a big change happened in my life.

This change was my acceptance to LPCUWC. Being a very principle centered school which believed in the UWC values, LPCUWC is filled with people who were not afraid to speak their mind out about what they believe in. I may or may not agree with some of their beliefs, but I respected them for believing in their own convections. Out of the numerous positive changes living in a UWC brought in me, strongly believing in and confidently speaking out my own virtues was one of them.

After my first year in LPCUWC, when I came back home I went to volunteer in an NGO which strongly believed in Gandhian principles. Again, I was put in an environment where leading a virtuous life was considered to be more appropriate than getting happiness from material pleasures.

As a part of the program I went to stay in a very remote adivasi (tribal) village. When I interacted with a village woman she told me about her plight. About how the funds which were going to be used for building a school in their area have never reached them in the last 10 years. She was a victim and so was I.

I realized that have a responsibility towards my society and that every decision I take affects the culture of the society I live in. Suddenly, I felt as if I had power in my hands.

This was a complete cleansing experience. When I came back, I was a different person. My perception of the world had changed. I believed in my principles even more. And there was a fire burning inside me, telling me that I have the power to make a difference.

"Inqualib Zindabad!" ("Long live the revolution!") I shouted with the protestors. I was still hungry but the hidden power I had discovered kept me going

I NEED HELP ASAP!
Critique on content, grammar and the essay as a whole. Thanks in advance.
dhanu12   
Dec 20, 2011
Undergraduate / 'A-level over Nepal government's +2 level' - Vassar [4]

I think you should focus more on how you think that having liberal-arts education can prepare you as an individual. You have established that you would be more "free". I think you should speak more bout how do you think your life will be more "free".
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