Undergraduate / UC prompt#2 - eating disorder, courage [3]

Heres a response to the UC app prompt #2. I would really appreciate feedback on this... I'm not sure if its too personal or if i should discuss my eating disorder in less detail or not at all. Please let me know, I will not be offended in any way!! Thanks for the help!! Also, i need to shorten one or both of my essays... the first one i posted about 2 hours ago. Im not sure which one is stronger or which one I should shorten, so help on that would be great as well :)

2) Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution, or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

At the age of 14, I found myself in a desolate hospital room, with a full tray of food placed in front of me. I looked at my chart with disgust; stated on Axis 1 was "Anorexia Nervosa" and Axis 2 read "Bulimia Nervosa". I glanced over at the mustard packets, which contained zero calories and looked much more appetizing than the large sandwich in front of me. I told myself that I just needed to get through all of this nonsense and soon I would be out of the hospital and back to my life, the way I chose to live it. Little did I know that I would soon be back here, staring at the same white walls and being woken up at 4:00 for the same evaluations. During this time, my grades hit rock bottom, my friends were distant memories, and most importantly, my family had begun mourning the loss of their daughter and sister. It wasn't until I was approaching my senior year of high school that the light in me flicked back on. I regained all of the courage that I had in myself up until my eating disorder, plus much more, and fought the disease for the first time. I succeeded, and the courage that I gained from this victorious overcoming has provided me with immense strength that I will continue to be proud of the rest of my life.

Courage is a very desired trait, which can only be measured from the eyes of the beholder. Maybe you are born with it, and maybe you receive it through life changing experiences. In my case, it was both. Growing up, I always received praise on what a brilliant and tenacious young woman I was. Whether it was sneaking the newspaper and learning to read by the age of 3, holding snakes when no one else dared to touch them, public speaking when I held office at my grammar school, or starting my own business at a young age, I always was a determined and daring girl. In high school, suffering with an eating disorder changed this. I thought I had courage to withstand from food, but instead I had surrendered to the demons inside myself. Realizing this gave me the strength to regain my life. I then graduated from high school and started at Canada College. I needed a new challenge in my life, so I applied and was hired for an internship at Northwestern Mutual Financial Network. I was the only freshman and the youngest intern in the entire bay area. Just to show them up, I completed training and passed the life insurance exam before anyone else in my office.

These are just a few of the many situations in my life where I have displayed courage. I would not be in the position that I am in today if it weren't for this aspect of my personality. Courage enables me to take advantage of the opportunities that life presents to me, as well as seek out those that are hidden. It aids me in excelling on whatever I set my mind to and fighting during hard times. Courage represents the person that I am, the person that I am proud of, and the person that I believe in to achieve all my future goals and aspirations.

Undergraduate / UC prompt#1 - transfer student, econ major [3]

Here is a rough draft of my application essay for the UCs. I am applying to Berkeley, UCSB, UCLA, UCSD, and UCSC for the business economic major. Any comments would be extremely helpful!! I just discovered this site, and I thank you all for any comments that you might have!!

ECONOMICS - INTENDED MAJOR

Economics represents a crucial part of the average American's life. In my opinion, it explains why and how our world revolves and how we can change it. Now more than ever, I can attest to how economics impacts my life and all persons around me. With the financial crisis of the United States in full swing, people are relying more and more on new developments on economic theories and ideas. Free trade, globalization, health care, and taxes are some of the many current and intriguing topics being debated. No time is better than now to continue my passion for business economics in a good learning environment. With the real life issues at my fingertips, I can gain more knowledge and experience than ever before.

When I was a child, I grew up in a house with CNBC on the television in the morning during breakfast and "Wall Street Journal" or "The Economist" on the kitchen table. I was always fascinated by this mysterious "other world"; a world where I was eager to grasp the language spoken and the motives behind the foreign ideas. Being a prominent figure in the business world, I looked up to my father as a role model. Here as a child, I began my discovery of the business and economic world. It started gradually, as I sat down to watch CNBC in the mornings and inquisitively asked my father questions of the words or ideas that I did not understand. After my first Economics course in high school, I knew that this industry is where I belonged. Not just because I understood and agreed with the ideas, but because I was fascinated by the fact that they were all applicable to most situations in my life. In college I was privileged to have, from my personal experience, the best economics teacher in the area. He brilliantly explained the theories and ideas to me in a way that made perfect sense and triggered my curiosity. It was while I was enrolled in his Macro and Micro Economics courses that I decided Economics would be the focus of my undergraduate education.

When I was 15 years old, I decided that I wanted to have my own business. I deeply desired to be a part of the professional world while doing something that interested me, so I joined Avon. Becoming an Avon representative gave me the resources necessary to start my own business as a makeup consultant and the freedom to manage my own cash flows and revenue and choose my target markets. This experience indirectly taught me so much about consumer and producer tendencies, supply and demand, and consumer choice. One of the most important economic principles that I learned during this time is that people respond to incentives. When I held parties or sold my products at a discount, I noticed that people were inclined to buy more from me.

My fascination for business and economics grew as I attended Canada College and decided to apply and undertake a financial representative internship at Northwestern Mutual Financial Network. This internship significantly helped me grow and learn about the economic world, while providing me with experience in the field that I couldn't have had in any classroom environment. I took many training courses and seminars that contributed to this, including obtaining my California state license for life, health, and accident insurance. The experience did much more than provide me with knowledge to succeed. Building my own client base and helping those clients achieve financial security helped me develop excellent networking and business relationship skills that will be a key to my success in the future.

These enriching experiences have served me with a strong desire to continue my education in economics. Though driven and resilient, I am still aware of the challenges, as well as the opportunities, that lie ahead of me. With a well-rounded education guiding me and further expanding my perspective in my major, I firmly believe that I can tackle anything that comes at me with my head held high. My internship and work experience have provided me with both the aptitude and qualifications to excel at the UC schools; and upon admission into your program I also hope to make a personal impact and contribute to your institution as a member of the academic community.