Undergraduate / 'McDonald Vs. Kung Fu Panda' - COMMONAPP ESSAY HELP [2]

Hi Everybody,
Below is a draft of my commonapp essay. Please help me and I promise to edit your essays in return!
Prompt: Evaluate a significant experience and its impact on you.
McDonald Vs. Kung Fu Panda

What happens to a dream deferred? Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun? Or fester like a sore-- And then run? Or does it explode?

--Langston Hughes, "A Dream Deferred"

"Pack up your stuff. We are flying to America."

While still pondering over bizarre English sounds written by Hughes, I was on my first step to explode my dream.

Growing up in Beijing, China, and brought to Washington DC, United States, my life changed tremendously after this clash of cultures. My parents accepted a job offer in the Chinese Embassy to help me explore the world. During the flight, as I watched other blond, African-American, and Hispanic passengers doze peacefully with eye masks and ear plugs, I stared into the vast darkness outside and questioned my fate: How was I, an 11-year-old who knows only the English word "Pardon", going to survive in America and carry on my family's hopes?

During my adaptation period, I realized an important concept: The four vast oceans do not separate humans; the differences between cultures do. I feared of opening my mouth, letting the strange English tone stumble on my tongue; I feared of dreaming about home, inviting homesickness into my mind. However, little by little, I began to construct words and phrases that once sounded alien to my confused ears. Even as an 11-year-old girl, I learned the jubilance gained by surpassing the impossible.

I kept this in mind. I began to strive for more. I dived into my academic life. I ran home to practice my pronunciation so that my classmates will not laugh at my strange accents; I did math speed drills and astonished my peers during Algebra class when many were struggling in Pre-Algebra. Diligence always pays back: I was the model student with straight-As who was considerate of others. Ready for new challenges, I welcomed high school in the fall of 2009.

I let my dream explode. When the other freshmen were still bragging about new adventures, I was taking online classes to earn more credits. When the sophomore students were bossing the freshmen, I had finished my junior year's credits and enrolled in SAT prep classes. Now, as a junior graduating in three years, I am applying to colleges and planning my graduation prom. I was forced-not by my parents, not by my teachers, but by my own yearning for success.

This experience was a positive factor in my life despite the numerous obstacles I faced only as a child. The fear I suffered strengthened my courage; the language barrier I encountered increased my curiosity for knowledge. I always regarded that period as a Dark Age, yet it was a Renaissance that brought light into my world. My international upbringing shaped who I am today; I now stand as a fearless runner, ready for the road ahead. I realized that I could be a Kung Fu Panda crazy for McDonald's French Fries.

Undergraduate / 'Life on a Ping-Pong Table' - YALE ESSAY [2]

HI everybody,
This is my essay for Yale. Please help me edit this essay through harsh comments/criticisms. I thank you with all my heart and will edit ur essays in return.

Prompt: additional essay (no specific requirement)

Life on a Ping-Pong Table

It was summer. I enrolled in a Ping-Pong class that took place on a rooftop filled with the scorching sun and the smell of sweat. The temperature seemed to rise exponentially. Hot June caught me limping back home after practice, and burning July found me going for two classes a day for this addictive sport. Unbelievably, I acquired precious life inspirations from this sweaty summer.

In Ping-Pong, repeating the swing position 50 times increases the power and accuracy of my hits. Persistence in Ping-Pong means not quitting after repeating the same hand-swing procedure. Gradually due to persistence, the cold paddle would turn into boiling fire when I battled on the table. In life, persistence yields success. After moving to America, persistence helped me break the language barrier by memorizing 100 vocabulary words each day; persistence guided me to melt the cultural clash by adapting continuously and accepting diversity. There is no elevator for success; I need to take the stairs. I kept telling myself: how can I make a rainbow without rain?

In Ping-Pong, competing against insuperable players strengthens my courage and skills. The fleeting victorious feeling after beating the weak is nothing compared to the strong motivation I feel after being defeated by the strong. In life, I embrace challenges. My thirst for challenges pushes me to accept the impossible task of graduating in three years while maintaining an outstanding academic record. My desire to explore my abilities inspires me to apply as the first high school intern at the U.S.-China Policy Foundation where I promote friendships between my mother country China and my host country America. Now, I have taken up a new, exhilarating challenge-applying to Yale. Today, I am a brave samurai warrior whose bushido code contains no such words as "quit".

In Ping-Pong, every ball is to be treated equally. No one will laugh at a player for missing a ball, but everyone will despise a player who lets go of a ball. I return spikes, backstrokes, and smashes; my "indiscriminating" paddle welcomes all types of hits and completes each task with skill and accuracy. In life, I seize every opportunity offered to me and create opportunities myself. When I moved to the U.S., the most powerful country, I grabbed this chance steadfastly to broaden my horizon by blending into the most colorful culture in the world. Now, this experience turned into a life-changing journey of self-enrichment and dream-realization.

Today, as I contemplate at the finger prints on my paddle, I applaud myself for my success. Even after I moved to the United States where Ping-Pong is called Table Tennis, I did not let go of my passion. Instead, I co-founded a Ping-Pong club with a teacher and introduced the beauty of Ping-Pong to my American friends. No matter how fast the ball is, how invincible the serve seems to be, I will always be there to hit it back with persistence and confidence. Some people dream it to happen, and others wish it would happen. I make it happen.

Undergraduate / 'Thanksgiving 2011' - Harvard Essay [4]

Hi Everybody,
The following essay is my essay to Harvard. Be merciless and correct everything you can! Also my essay is 762 words, and even though Harvard doesn't have a word limit, I think it is a bit longer. Delete stuff you think are ineffective. Thank you so much! Your 5 mintues will save my future!

Prompt: Is there anything additional you would like us to know? (Basically just free topic)
Thanksgiving 2011
At my age, many think that only scientists and politicians, such as Isaac Newton and Bill Clinton, are able to change humankind. However, the minute I strode into Rose L. Hardy Middle School's main entrance as a math and science tutor, I realized that I, along with many other ordinary people, can make a difference. Thanksgiving is a process for me to give my thanks back to my society, a holiday that has lasted through the entirety of 2011 and will continue for a lifetime.

Three years ago, I had sneaked into Hardy's doors as an intimidated seventh grader who had just moved to the U.S. However, patient teachers and classmates guided me through my academics and introduced me to their colorful culture. Inspired by their optimism, I was eager to become a member of this crazy yet amicable community. Three years later, I am back to pay my gratitude. What way would best benefit Hardy other than inspiring its students?

After six months as a tutor at Hardy, I fell in love with my students. Innocent yet smart, these students often surrounded me with whimsical questions that I would answer with subdued laughter. Watching them scribbling on their math tests and science crosswords, I hoped they would one day follow my steps and pay their gratitude to their society.

This satisfying experience encouraged me to do more. Why don't I contribute to Sino-U.S. understandings? Because of my upbringing, it is not only my pleasure but also my responsibility to promote friendships between China and the U.S. Thrilled and guided by my father, who is a diplomat, I applied as the first high school intern at the U.S.-China Policy Foundation (USCPF) and began my journey of studying international relations. During the internship, I updated USCPF's twitter by accumulating the latest Chinese and American news and maintained its website by writing weekly research articles. As soon as I heard about the Senators' trip to China in August, I offered to help. While folding brochures, I discovered these brochures, which were to be given to Chinese officials, were completely in English. Although many Chinese officials today are fluent in English themselves in addition to having translators, creating a Chinese version of USCPF's brochure would clearly be convenient and indicative of the effort USCPF has contributed toward Sino-U.S. understandings. I recommended this idea to Dr. Wang, the Chairman of USCPF. She enthusiastically responded to my proposal. However, she indicated that previous attempts have failed due partially to time constraints and the difficulty to translate the brochure accurately. If full-time employees with graduate degrees have failed, how was I, a high school intern, able to successfully translate the brochure? However, confident of my bilingual skills and unable to constrain my thirst for challenges, I accepted this task, aiming to perfect this trip. After sacrificing my lunch time and diving into dictionaries for hours in search for the most perfect fit, I devised a final draft of my translation. My diligence paid off: Dr. Wang publicly praised me for the accuracy of my translation and its ability to represent USCPF's goal without distortion. Even more pleasant to hear was that Chinese officials have generated positive feedbacks after reading the brochure in their native language. I was delighted to know I had contributed something, no matter how trivial, to the friendships between two countries I love.

As the 2011 school year approached, I decided to expand my passion and continue giving gratitude. Outside of my school, I volunteered at the Coordination of Chinese American Councils to help Chinese senior citizens learn about the variety of health and social benefits they are entitled to. Inside my school, I founded a Chinese Culture Club, in which I eliminate general stereotypes and serve to introduce the beauty of China to my American friends, just like they had introduced the power of the American culture to me three years ago at Hardy. I tutored students with their Chinese and Ping-Pong skills, and experienced indescribable joy during this process of thanksgiving.

This year has been a year of gratitude. At the Thanksgiving this year, I thanked my parents for birthing me, China for its beautiful culture and language, and America for its tolerance and diversity. I will continue my path of paying back to the world, at Harvard as well as in my life. During this year of thanksgiving, I have grown from an immature child to a responsible youth. I kept this in mind: great accomplishments are not done by impulse, but by a series of small actions brought together.