Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by twinnigan
Joined: Dec 22, 2011
Last Post: Dec 22, 2011
Threads: 2
Posts: 8  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 10
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
twinnigan   
Dec 22, 2011
Undergraduate / Emory rollercoaster ride (Hulk) short answer [9]

Maybe consider more specifics about the ride? a lot of rides have ups and downs, is there anything that sets this one apart? idk that might be an impossible task. hahah maybe play off the ride's name?
twinnigan   
Dec 22, 2011
Undergraduate / 'doing something that makes me happy' - Yale: tell us more about yourself [4]

I think the point at the end was strong, but the first part describing your summer could be a little more concise. After a while I thought that your whole essay was just going to be describing your camping trips. If you make it shorter and get to the point faster I don't think you will have that issue
twinnigan   
Dec 22, 2011
Undergraduate / 'student had been talking to me' - Why Duke? - Duke Engage [4]

i feel like I need to elaborate on Duke Engage more, but I don't want it to be too long. thoughts?

"If you are applying to Trinity College of Arts and Sciences, please discuss why you consider Duke a good match for you. Is there something in particular at Duke that attracts you? Please limit your response to one or two paragraphs."

By the end of my junior year, my mailbox began to be flooded every day by stacks of postcards from various schools around the country, all claiming to have the best academic offerings. But one day, skimming through my mail, I came across a booklet with an attractive gothic-style spire on the cover, and I opened it up. What immediately caught my attention was a quote from a prospective student, discussing an encounter with another prospective student, who told him," I don't even know you, but I think if you don't come to school here you're going to be missing out."

This excerpt from my first correspondence with Duke University resonated with me, and led me to have the intense interest in the university that I do now. Just like the gothic architecture is juxtaposed by a vibrant, modern city and a diverse student body, so are the many other facets of the university. Duke maintains ties to the past, but is always looking ahead to the future in order to solve modern problems, which is what I believe to be what attracts me the most to the university. To me, a degree is unimportant in a global context unless one is able to actually apply their knowledge, and I appreciate that Duke allows its students to do this before they graduate, particularly through Duke Engage, a program that to me is unmatched anywhere else. I envision myself spending my summers traveling and creating logical solutions to real world problems, while still maintaining a personal connection that would help me develop as a person. It is Duke's commitment to being a local and a global force in everything from medicine to engineering that is so appealing and admirable. I feel like there is a large sense of ambition and initiative in the students, a community that I feel I would quickly be at home with.

I recently reread that first booklet, and I came across the same quote. If that student had been talking to me, I can definitively say that I would have emphatically agreed.
twinnigan   
Dec 22, 2011
Undergraduate / Columbia Supplement, "finding my passion" [4]

i think you may need to edit the beginning. i didn't buy that reading about the core completely changed your mind about school. maybe elaborate or discuss more about the core specifically? a lot of other schools have core curricula too.

look at mine? :)
twinnigan   
Dec 22, 2011
Undergraduate / "my dad's crappy Honda" - Commonapp personal statement [2]

so this is going to be for columbia/ harvard. Feedback is appreciated! Also, which topic would this best fit under?

For years my father drove a light blue eighty- something Honda. It was a real mess of a car that smelled like cardboard and stale coffee due to early morning mishaps and samples of corrugated crammed in the back seat for clients. The Honda and I have a long, complex history.

It seemed like it was out to get me from the beginning. It made me late or absent to school several times. I can recall more than one occasion where the battery died, and one particular time when it was stolen from the car port at our apartment, making me miss nearly the entire last day of first grade. I was more upset that I missed the first half of Milo and Otis than I was that it was stolen. It even tried to kill me once. While waiting in the car for my dad to finish browsing through a yard sale, it tantalized me with a Lifesaver in its door pocket and made me choke. The handle to roll down the window was broken, leaving me gasping for air like a fish out of water until my dad came to my rescue.

It also saw its fair share of hard times. When my parents got divorced, it was the vessel that first took me from my mother's house that I had always known to my dad's new place a couple miles away. It was the car that my brother used to cry in when he was mad at my dad for wanting a divorce, or when he was angry that he was being forced to visit.

When my dad commuted back and forth to Mexico throughout the week for work, it was the vehicle that provided the transportation. Whenever I would call him during his trips home, I could hear a faint ringing sound coming from the inside of the car. "Dad," I would interrupt," put your seat belt on."

One night, my father called because he had stopped by my mother's house on her day with us to show us a surprise. I was shocked to run into the driveway and see him parked in a brand new Ford Taurus, not the battered Honda I had been so accustomed to. I was surprised at how much I would come to miss that unreliable car. It facilitated a lot of my childhood, from trips to soccer practice to emotional rides back and forth between my parents' households. As faulty as it was, it was actually one of the more constant things in my life compared to the turbulence around me, and it took it being gone for me to notice.

As a teenager I realize that the cars my father drove represented what I was going through personally. When my parents divorced I was as tattered and broken as the Honda, but I gradually came to terms with the change and was renewed, like the Taurus. We all moved on, and I learned that you have to let go of the past to move on to the future. For all our conflicts, the Honda and I are a lot alike. It had its flaws and hiccups, but it managed to do its job and persevere, much like I have.
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳