Posts by Coral

Coral

Dec 23, 2011

Undergraduate / UPenn Supp-I'M JUST A STORY-TELLER(WHY ESSAY) [5]

I'm just a story-teller, sitting beside the window of my home on an early morning. ~~I close~~Closing my eyes ~~and~~, I lose myself in the fascination with and desire to attend the University of Pennsylvania.- I ~~picture myself~~am wandering among book shelves and appreciating the mixed fragrance of coffee and old books.

I really like your essay~It's creative and cute! And I love the connection between the first and last paragraph. But I think maybe you can paraphrase some sentences to make them more smooth with various sentential forms and connection words. The format of the first sentence of each paragraph can still be worked on. And just like Yaxue said, you can what you want to learn in Penn or how Penn's study can fulfill your goals or dreams. Good job!

Best wishes~

Coral

Dec 23, 2011

Undergraduate / Barnard College Supplement- one woman to talk to, [6]

Thx for your suggestion~

Are you applying to smith too?

And yea, I'm applying to Smith,too. I really love it there. It has so many oppotunities and the campus is so...beautiful!

Best wishes for your application~ I know it's not easy, but you can make it! Maybe we can meet there.

And merry X'mas~~

Coral

Dec 23, 2011

Undergraduate / Barnard College Supplement- one woman to talk to, [6]

I see what you mean and thx a lot~ And I will improve on that one.

Coral

Dec 23, 2011

Undergraduate / Barnard College Supplement- one woman to talk to, [6]

Topic: pick one woman in history or fiction to converse with for one hour. who will you pick and what will talk about?

I'm new here,,O(∩_∩)O,

Could you help me with the grammatical errors pls? And I'm afraid that 'talking to me' is not that meaningful, how can I improve on that?

Thx a lot~

Suddenly, I'm happy to be a girl so that I can be the answer to this question. Yes, I'm the one that I would talk to- my 12-year-old self. No advice or warnings. I don't expect to teach her to appreciate the beauty of life, to enjoy the present and to be passionate towards tomorrow in one hour, but I would sit next to her, listening quietly to what she's been going through although I know all about it, and give her the courage to keep striving. She is lonely those days: her families are busy in business, which turns out not good in the next few months. She is confused, and sometimes afraid. I want to tell her not to be a tough job for her parents because they are having a really hard time. They love you so much and didn't tell you just to protect you from all this, but it's time for you to grow up and learn to be independent. Don't be afraid. All you need is to hold on to your dreams to the very end. And about the failed midterm exam, it's to remind you to keep progressing and you are going to do much much better next time. Oh by the way, don't worry about the baby fat, it's cute and will lose soon. And in the 59th minute of this conversation, I will stand up, hug her tightly, and tell her, 'I'm right here with you.'