Posts by Dani1218

Dani1218

Dec 30, 2011

Undergraduate / Notre-Dame Supp: "The Unexplored"/"Moral Radiance" [7]

On your second draft, your first topic is good, but you need to elaborate a little bit more about why you want to visit Nauru. Don't use facts to support your reasons because that would drive away the readers' attention.

With your second topic, I like how you're planning to take your intended major seriously; it shows that you do care on what you want to do.

Dani1218

Dec 30, 2011

Undergraduate / Significant Challenge and Its Impact (SVU essay) - I use the power of words [5]

Thank you SO much Grace and Igor! You guys have saved my life. :) And I will look at your essays to return the favor! :)

Dani1218

Dec 30, 2011

Undergraduate / Significant Challenge and Its Impact (SVU essay) - I use the power of words [5]

Yeah, I kind of throw out my train of thought while I was writing this. But what about this?

I sit on my desk, trying to figure out what is the difference between equilateral and congruent triangles. My brain is experiencing a thunderstorm and my conscience are crying for help. I want to ask for help, but I don't want people to think that I'm not bright when it comes to math. My teachers literally said that I'm not capable of doing anything because I'm not like the other students. After many times of people discouraging me, I said to myself that I have to prove to the teachers and to myself that I got what it takes to be a hard-working student. To make my goal possible, I use the words that the teachers said to me and use the power of it into a motivator, no matter how positive or negative the words may be. As a result, I am no longer being called not bright because I maintained my integrity and I would keep telling myself that I must not go back to what I use to be. Words are powerful, but words will never push me down.

Dani1218

Dec 30, 2011

Undergraduate / Significant Challenge and Its Impact (SVU essay) - I use the power of words [5]

This essay is also for Southern Virginia University (a Mormon school).

My question is should I use a little snippet of my elementary school days in this type of essay? Or should I write about a different challenge in my life?

Also, please help me edit and give me suggestions.

Topic: Describe in 200 words or less a significant challenge that you have overcome and its impact on you.

I sit on my desk, trying to figure out how to set up a word problem. My brain is experiencing a thunderstorm and my brain cells are crying for help. I want to ask for help, but I don't want people to think that I'm not bright when it comes to math. My teachers literally believed that I'm not able to succeed because I'm not like the other students. But one day before entering freshman year, I said to myself that I have to prove the teachers and myself that I got what it takes to be a hard-working student. Yet, with every success comes with a secret: Words. No matter how positive or negative the words may be, I use the power of it to motivate myself to strive my way to success. Positive words are easy to deal with however with the negative words, I have to fight my way through it.

Ok, it's not really done but I felt like I should change the way how I discuss my challenge or is it alright the way it is?

Dani1218

Dec 30, 2011

Undergraduate / 'WHY I DO NOT WEAR PANTS' - Common App [7]

This essay is good, but I would remove the ***(the one after "remember") because the admissions will think that you meant to say a bad word and that could hurt your chances of getting in. Also the title is not really necessary but change the title into something that is "safe" because when I read the title I got a little scared. Make sure that the title is relevant to your essay.

Also, try to draw the connection with your leggings and your mom; What is it about your leggings that helps remind you of your mom?

Dani1218

Dec 30, 2011

Undergraduate / UVA supp "Discuss your favorite place to get lost" [4]

What I like about your essay is that you didn't pick a realistic location such as Paris or Canada. You picked something that everyone can relate to, and you gave us a great description about what you think about dreams. I think your essay would stand out if you pick a "pleasant dream" that you remember so that you let the readers enter your subconscious and the readers will have a better understanding of who you are as a person.

Dani1218

Dec 29, 2011

Undergraduate / What I hope to EXPERIENCE by attending SVU (Southern Virginia University essay) [2]

Southern Virginia University is a Mormon school so if any of you are Mormon, PLEASE give me a feedback! You can give me some constructive criticism, suggestions, etc. But please be descriptive and honest because my writing skills are not strong.

Topic: What do you hope to gain, experience, or accomplish by attending Southern Virginia University (one paragraph).

In Southern Virginia University, I hope that I will experience what it's like to be in a place where each and every individual accepts my moral standards. I have grown up in a community where everyone are entitled to their own opinions about what is considered good or bad. Everyone in my community has respect for one another, but there are times I would find myself hiding what I believe in because I'm afraid that people will judge me or think I'm being too safe with my way of living. Personally, my safe moral standards are actually what shapes me as a person. I believe that everyone deserves good things in life, our Heavenly Father is always around whenever help is needed, and forgiveness are gained by praying to our Heavenly Father. I know just by attending a school where everyone shares what I believe in, I could carry my days without worries. In addition, I know that people will accept who I am because of what is my true moral standards, not what I do with my daily life.