Posts by Ahoips

Ahoips

Dec 27, 2011

Undergraduate / 'I live in a rough neighborhood' - Common App Claremont McKenna [3]

You brought the event to life very well! The only thing is...in the last paragraph where you tie this event to you and how you changed, I would show more evidence of what actions you have already taken and make it more specific instead of general statements

Ahoips

Dec 27, 2011

Undergraduate / "Brain" was the most intriguing to me' - Common application [2]

For the second paragraph I think it would help if you took out the definitions and such and made it more about your experiences volunteering. More personal growth and how it was different from the drama, but why you still liked it. And for the third paragraph it seems to get a little off topic, but I think you can still connect SWAT with the other experiences. But if you want to take it out I think you need to elaborate more on your experience instead. But you have a good conclusion and the comparison to the drama was interesting :)

Ahoips

Dec 27, 2011

Undergraduate / 'apologize in advance for any snoring' - Letter to Future Roomate-Stanford [2]

This is the first supplement I've written so I didn't really know where to start. Is it too casual? Too vague? unconnected? irrelevant? doesnt make sense? Any advice would help! This is just the first draft. Thank you :)

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.

I look forward to meeting you soon!
Let me apologize in advance for any snoring. I hope to get that taken care of in a few weeks but no promises!
I've been lying on the floor of my room with my Gir headphones listening to the Rocky Horror Picture show soundtrack and doodling on my arm for about an hour trying to think of a good way to let you know how living with me would be: sadly all I could thin to do us recount what I have been doing instead of writing. I haven't had many experiences with a roommate, excluding my sister, but there seems to be an unwritten law that says family doesn't count. The first time I went to an overnight convention for JSA (yes, I am a debate nerd) with my school, I woke up in the middle of the night to find my roommate in my bed, staring at me a couple inches away from my face-don't worry, I won't do that. In fact, here are a couple things I can reassure you of: I won't leave a mess on your side, I don't sleepwalk, I don't eat too much, and I bathe regularly (although my friends joke that I smell like hummus-being Greek, and all).

Unfortunately, here is a list of the downsides: I am prone to getting up to eat clean or do homework at 3am, I will make a mess of papers on my side of the room, I have yet to figure out how to work a washing machine, I get sick quite often and when I do I sit hours on end in bed eating and watching anime, I love to go on long political rants, I do play the guitar rather badly, and if I get the urge to roll around on the floor singing NANANANANANANANANANANANANANANANA BATMAN, I can't promise to suppress it.

Are you scared yet? GOOD! I might as insert an evil laugh here and kiss any chances of finding a roommate to tolerate me goodbye. Have my lists of qualities frightened you yet? I guess I didn't mention my love of lists. They're all over my desk and wall and phone and scribbled up and down my arm. There's nothing more satisfying than crossing off the last item in a list. But don't let this discourage you. I'm a highly passive person. I won't bother you much. In fact I love meeting new people. I look forward to a year of getting to know you better, a minimal amount of quarrels, and many nights staying up late and studying or just hanging out.