charlie422
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / Stanford Essay: What matters to you, and why? Wanna be done today so let me know :) [3]
I think its pretty good, and the last few sentences actually give good closure. You may want to think about cutting out some of the details about the trip and go into more detail about why it gives you a sense of belonging and happiness, or say more about what it has done for you friendship wise. The competition just doesn't really do much in describing why sailing matters to you, so you might want to keep that in there instead and just go into more detail as to why that trip describes why sailing matters to you. Well written though!
I think its pretty good, and the last few sentences actually give good closure. You may want to think about cutting out some of the details about the trip and go into more detail about why it gives you a sense of belonging and happiness, or say more about what it has done for you friendship wise. The competition just doesn't really do much in describing why sailing matters to you, so you might want to keep that in there instead and just go into more detail as to why that trip describes why sailing matters to you. Well written though!