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Dec 31, 2011
Undergraduate / 'middle-class Asian Bengali American of Long-Island' - Rice essay [6]
Not a bad essay. Your content is very good. you just have to improve the grammar and structure. I have helped as much as I can. Above is a correction and restructure of your essay. It is what I think will make it better.
I am best described as a typical middle-class Bengali american of long-island. My family moved to the USA last year. So, basically I faced an extreme deference of culture which affected my every step. One the other hand, this change of culture gave me something that I never had before. The traditional classical music of America helped me to acknowledge the culture of the USA, which was quite impossible without it. Music and Bengali culture is a big part of my life, so naturally I find that a lot of the traits making me Susmita are evident in the forms of music I love.
"Music is my life, it is a reflection of what I go through," the quote of Lenny Kravitz helped me to understand what I am. My music is a reflection of me and my tradition that I brought from Bangladesh. At the age of 5, my mother discovered me singing. The musical journey through my culture came to pass from that time. Asian-Bengali culture is one of the most ancient cultures of world's history. Religious beliefs and tradition play the lead role of Bengali society. From a very early age I learned about Bengali culture through my first step in classical music. I participated in a classical song competition for the first time at the age of 11, impressing the judges and receiving first prize. One of the judges came to me and said, "I want to see you as a renowned classical singer one day." From that day the passion of music revolved in me, and I learnt to be passionate about anything. I have competed in many competitions where I attained traits such as being responsible, fighting challenges, striving for excellence, and these traits helped me to be a skillful competitor as well as a better human being. Singing isn't just a huge part of my schedule, it's a huge part of me. I have put time and effort into learning different music. The culture of Bengali society as well as American society helped me to develop as a determinate, passionate, disciplined and responsible person in life trough music. These traits of mine allow me to enjoy life.
My perspective of studying engineering has the impacts of my culture. "Knowledge defines one's strength" this proverb of Hinduism, the religion that I have faith in, is a guide of my way to excellence. This created a passion for learning progressively in me. The religious and traditional festivals I have experienced also have significant influences in my life which accomplished a strong personality of me. "Dewali," which is also known as the festival of lights, represents hope and this is my most favorite religious festival. I'm from a culture which teaches to be disciplined in life. In one piece of my life I learned to be disciplined. The enthusiasm of learning new things increased my desire for knowledge.
Music is the reflection of my culture and tradition, and my culture and tradition is the refection of who I am. It's been a year since I left Bangladesh, but the effect of that glorious culture has preserved the traits of being a good person in life. When I came in touch with the American culture, I observed the beauty of this culture. I joined the piano class to learn more about this culture. While taking the time to fulfill my responsibilities, I will always save some time to do the things I love, like singing or playing piano.
Rice University is one of the most renowned universities in the USA. The quality of Rice's academic life and the Residential College System are heavily influenced by the unique life experiences and cultural traditions each student brings. Music and Bengali culture are some crucial factor of my mindset. I will be honored to contribute my culture and experiences to such a prestigious university as Rice.
Not a bad essay. Your content is very good. you just have to improve the grammar and structure. I have helped as much as I can. Above is a correction and restructure of your essay. It is what I think will make it better.
Not a bad essay. Your content is very good. you just have to improve the grammar and structure. I have helped as much as I can. Above is a correction and restructure of your essay. It is what I think will make it better.
I am best described as a typical middle-class Bengali american of long-island. My family moved to the USA last year. So, basically I faced an extreme deference of culture which affected my every step. One the other hand, this change of culture gave me something that I never had before. The traditional classical music of America helped me to acknowledge the culture of the USA, which was quite impossible without it. Music and Bengali culture is a big part of my life, so naturally I find that a lot of the traits making me Susmita are evident in the forms of music I love.
"Music is my life, it is a reflection of what I go through," the quote of Lenny Kravitz helped me to understand what I am. My music is a reflection of me and my tradition that I brought from Bangladesh. At the age of 5, my mother discovered me singing. The musical journey through my culture came to pass from that time. Asian-Bengali culture is one of the most ancient cultures of world's history. Religious beliefs and tradition play the lead role of Bengali society. From a very early age I learned about Bengali culture through my first step in classical music. I participated in a classical song competition for the first time at the age of 11, impressing the judges and receiving first prize. One of the judges came to me and said, "I want to see you as a renowned classical singer one day." From that day the passion of music revolved in me, and I learnt to be passionate about anything. I have competed in many competitions where I attained traits such as being responsible, fighting challenges, striving for excellence, and these traits helped me to be a skillful competitor as well as a better human being. Singing isn't just a huge part of my schedule, it's a huge part of me. I have put time and effort into learning different music. The culture of Bengali society as well as American society helped me to develop as a determinate, passionate, disciplined and responsible person in life trough music. These traits of mine allow me to enjoy life.
My perspective of studying engineering has the impacts of my culture. "Knowledge defines one's strength" this proverb of Hinduism, the religion that I have faith in, is a guide of my way to excellence. This created a passion for learning progressively in me. The religious and traditional festivals I have experienced also have significant influences in my life which accomplished a strong personality of me. "Dewali," which is also known as the festival of lights, represents hope and this is my most favorite religious festival. I'm from a culture which teaches to be disciplined in life. In one piece of my life I learned to be disciplined. The enthusiasm of learning new things increased my desire for knowledge.
Music is the reflection of my culture and tradition, and my culture and tradition is the refection of who I am. It's been a year since I left Bangladesh, but the effect of that glorious culture has preserved the traits of being a good person in life. When I came in touch with the American culture, I observed the beauty of this culture. I joined the piano class to learn more about this culture. While taking the time to fulfill my responsibilities, I will always save some time to do the things I love, like singing or playing piano.
Rice University is one of the most renowned universities in the USA. The quality of Rice's academic life and the Residential College System are heavily influenced by the unique life experiences and cultural traditions each student brings. Music and Bengali culture are some crucial factor of my mindset. I will be honored to contribute my culture and experiences to such a prestigious university as Rice.
Not a bad essay. Your content is very good. you just have to improve the grammar and structure. I have helped as much as I can. Above is a correction and restructure of your essay. It is what I think will make it better.
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