Undergraduate / 'waiting for the hip-hop squad's turn' - JSU #2 about yourself or your interests [2]

2. Tell us something about yourself or your interests that we wouldn't learn by looking at the rest of your application materials. (While you should still pay attention to sentence structure and grammar, your response is meant as a way for us to get to know you, rather than a formal essay.)

Today is finally the day of Stuyvesant's Sing! production. I'm anxiously sitting on a bench waiting for the hip-hop squad's turn to perform. Someone comes backstage and tells us, "5 minutes until you guys are up!" A shiver goes down my spine and causes my whole body to tremble. "I need to calm down," I tell myself. So, I take out my iPod and play "O.M.G" by Usher ft. Will.I.Am to calm myself down. As the familiar lyrics penetrate my brain, I remember the events of my summer of 2010.

During my volunteer job at Kuei Luck Enrichment Center, I came in thinking it would be a normal summer job tutoring children. To my surprise, the head staff of the camp asked my fellow volunteer friends and me to put on a performance. Eventually we complied, and decided to dance to Usher's "OMG."

I struggled at first because I wasn't confident in my body; I constantly reminded myself on which move was next, resulting in awkward and stiff, robotic movements. My friend Andrew gave me some words of encouragement, "Kevin, stop! This isn't a memorization test." He was right; dance wasn't a series of choreography that one mindlessly memorizes, rather it's an expression of your emotions and energy. So, I gave up control and let my body do what it wanted. For the rest of the summer I spent afternoons at Andrew's house practicing. It eventually became a routine where we practiced at Kuei luck from 3 to 6, then practiced at Andrew's house from 6 to 9. I worked as hard as I could to make sure I didn't bring down the group. On the day of the performance... [is the transition awkward here?]

"It's time, let's go!" yells the producer. I put my iPod away, and enter the stage. As the music plays, I remember Andrew's words and let my body take over.

Please give me your honest opinion. Thank you very much!