1. academic interest and how you will pursue it at NYU
The librarian handed me a dog-eared, battered book that seemed like it had seen better days. "Here. This will help." I looked on the cover- The Gay Science by Friedrich Nietzsche. Mrs. Simile laughed at my surprise, "It's not what you think. Trust me- you'll love it." Shrugging, I tucked the book into my bag. Three days later, I was back, bursting with inspiration. And so it followed- as quickly as I could read them, I made my way through philosophy books by Nietzsche, then Plato, Emerson, Thoreau, Moore...
I had always been different from my scientist family in that I was firmly entrenched in the humanities. Though they instilled in me a critical viewpoint, the way we applied it was entirely different; where they looked for specific answers, I loved questions that had no concrete answers at all, ones that made you think and want to debate them until you explored all possible venues.
With just one chapter of the Gay Science, I found what I needed- history, ethics, and personal insight woven into every sentence, some outrageous, most perceptive; all written so beautifully it made me shiver. In philosophy, I found both a way to further my personal growth and a guide through the humanities.
I want to continue this growth in the lectures of Nagel and Velleman, leaders in their fields and be in contact with the best Philosophy department in the country. With the chance to debate with NYU philosophers, I will be able to skillfully travel the path of the humanities to my goals.
2. What intrigues you? (place, event, etc.)
A few months back, I found myself sitting in a dilapidated classroom, a cracked whiteboard bearing diagrams by my side and an intent audience crowded before me, crouching on the uneven floor. The setting: a half-abandoned village deep in a Russian forest. The characters: the members of an intellectual summer camp from the Moscow University, students and professors alike.
Four years ago, I got accepted into an obscure camp in Russia, though I didn't realize the impact it would have. There, the one-on-one discussions with the eccentric professors following their morning lectures allowed my own ideas and personal ambitions to unfurl into strong verbal assertions. Whether staying up by the fire all night to debate everything between living and dreaming, or participating in impromptu Shakespeare plays from memory, I continually felt my brain evolve into a sleek, well-oiled machine. My growth culminated this summer, when I ended up leading a spontaneous two-hour lecture on American history and culture in that cramped classroom.
Not only did the camp help my personal growth, but it also afforded me a glimpse into a part of Russia I hadn't thought existed anymore. A preserve of the culture and intellectualism left from the chaos, it was a refuge for its members. In this warm atmosphere untouched for eight weeks by the uncertainty outside, I saw both a reminder of what had been lost and a glimpse of the potential for this country. Here, I found my inspiration.
Why NYU?
I am an addict. You see, I am hopelessly and irrevocably addicted to people, and this is what led me to NYU. This constant craving often urges me to make friends with complete strangers on the streets, amass enormous telephone bills with my all-nighters comparing Western and Thai traditions with my friend Chariya in a broken mix of English and Thai, and worst of all- inherit their quirks and hobbies, whether it be becoming an avid Shogi player or being inordinately picky about my cheeses.
Sometimes my addiction will play a beneficial role, as it did this summer in Russia. I borrowed a boom box from a street musician nearby, and with my friends, started up a dancing event right there on the Arbat Street of Moscow. With styles ranging from Hustle to Hip-Hop, it amassed a hundred people by morning, tourists and locals alike joined in the universal language of laugher and music.
Not only am I an addict, however, but also I'm a picky addict. Fortunately, there are places for people like me, the main one being New York City. A more motley, colorful, and beautiful mix of people I have seldom seen, and to me it's like a sugar addict being locked overnight in a candy store. And right in the heart of this veritable goldmine of personalities lies the jackpot; New York University. With it's top-notch study abroad program, it's unique curriculum, and it's amalgam of the most unique minds from all over the world, I feel that I could employ my addiction to it's fullest potential.
I like all of your essays. They are all very eloquently written and showcase your personality
I don't know if I missed any grammar mistakes, but I am more worried about the general content, the mood it sets and the flow of the writing. Thank you!
1. What matters, and why?
Fire. It was there at the cradle of civilization, giving us that last push towards the top of the evolutionary ladder, it has seen us through the stone, middle, and golden ages, and it will see our time on this planet die as the sun erupts in a fiery storm. Fire unites us across nations, classes, and languages, and is the archetype of birth and death, passion and conflict and dreams. Even as the one in my fireplace dies, it is reborn again halfway around the world in a bonfire of celebration, or next door as our neighbor boils some water. The licks of flame in my fireplace are the same ones I stared at several months ago in Russia, while a bearded man crooned a soft song of love and war to his guitar and the murmur of conversation ebbed and flowed across the bonfire.
Fire represents humanity's triumph, as we harnessed its power to warm our homes; and it's long road ahead, as we lose control and have to start from the ashes again. It burns in the hearts of all humans, filling them with hopes and dreams and personalities, each as unique and fleeting as a candle flame. It draws us together into one massive firestorm, an unstoppable force that can only ever stop by burning itself out. From the time my grandmother painstakingly taught me to light a match to today me and my father lighting up the fireplace in the old tradition of winter evenings spent together by the warmth, fire has been a constant in my life. As a child, I remember sitting with two sticks for hours, patiently and futilely trying to create a spark. I have been burned several times, but am never discouraged and keep at it until I coax an answering flame from the fireplace. Fire symbolizes my life, fleeting yet part of something greater and bright for as long as its burning, and the entirety of humanity, which too lit up the Universe in a bright flare, and will one day calm down to embers. Fire matters.
2. Roommate letter
I am an addict. No, probably not the kind you are thinking of. You see, I am hopelessly, irrevocably addicted to people. This dependence often urges me to make friends with complete strangers on the streets, amass enormous telephone bills with my all-nighters referencing Thai folklore and philosophy with my friend Chariya in a broken mix of Thai and English, and worst of all- will sometimes inherit their quirks and hobbies, whether it be becoming an avid Shogi player or being inordinately picky about my cheeses.
Sometimes my addiction will play a beneficial role, as it did this summer in Russia. Bored, my friends and I borrowed a boom box from a street musician nearby, and started up a dancing event right there on the Arbat Street of Moscow. With styles ranging from Hustle to Hip-Hop, it amassed a hundred people by morning, tourists and locals alike joined in the universal language of laugher and music.
My craving doesn't stop there, but extends to the written word, which I always saw as the true window to the soul. You will often find me happily immersed in a pile of books, sighing at the works of Lermontov, shivering at Nietzsche's passionate if misunderstood philosophy, or laughing in delight at the witty sarcasm of Twain's prose.
I am also sorry to say that my idiosyncrasies will without a doubt affect your everyday life. Whether it will be having the light on all night, immersed in my world of words, or infecting you with my enthusiasm for poetry readings, you will never be the same. Be prepared to be taught eight different styles of dance, eat strange foreign food, and stay up all night discussing anything from living to dreaming to everything in between. If you have any interest in language, I will try to teach you Russian, along with bits of French, Thai, Japanese, and Italian, while learning any you might know.
Well, you have been warned, and I hope that we can get past my crippling addiction to form a friendship to last a lifetime.
Love, Natalia
3. Intellectual Vitality
A few months back, I found myself sitting in a dilapidated classroom, a cracked whiteboard bearing diagrams by my side and a rapt audience of over thirty people crowded before me; some crouching on the uneven floor, others leaning against the wall. The setting: a half-abandoned village deep in a Russian forest. The characters: the members of an intellectual summer camp from the Moscow University, students and professors alike. My role: the mediator between cultures and the impromptu teacher of professors.
Four years ago, I got accepted into an obscure camp in Russia, though I didn't realize the impact it would have. There, through the one-on-one discussions with professors following their morning lectures, my own ideas of equality, liberty, and personal ambition unfurled from my unconsciousness into verbal assertions. Whether staying up by the fire all night to debate everything between living and dreaming, or participating in impromptu Shakespeare plays from memory, I continually felt my brain evolve into a sleek, well-oiled machine.
This growth of my personality and the rooting of it deep into my psyche culminated last year when, instead of evasively brushing off a professor's innocuous question about American culture and language, as I would have four years previously, I ended up leading a spontaneous lecture in that cramped classroom. Facing an audience of intent, genuinely interested professors and students, I saw the fruition of both my unique environment, which allowed me to become a carrier of two distinct cultures, and the invaluable experiences of that camp. And later, when two hours had passed and my voice was hoarse, the camp director approached me about leading my own course on American history and culture next year.
In that moment I realized that my experience was not just a trip to a summer camp, but a discovery of a microcosm of my own existence, and the way I face whatever challenges or opportunities come my way; engaging, adapting, and leading.
Choose at least one to correct please, and at least give me a general impression of the others. Do they convey an interesting, unique person, or are they choppy and pretentious, or generic? please give feedback, I will read yours! thanks in advance.
The first essay about fire is really strong. By showing fire as a form connection between everyone of difference, you really show unity. And then you bring it back to you in the 2nd paragraph and showing how it appealed to you with meaningful memories and then ending the essays with two simple words to show that fire is simple as it is, nothing more complicated. I really love the essay and im impressed with it.
For the second paragraph, I love how you exaggerate your addiction into a real problem and how act like it's bad.
I didn't read the third essay because I'm still working on my essays now :)
I'm not a grammar whiz, but your essays convey who you are and I'm really impressed. They do show you as an interesting person that any college would want.
Good luck with stanford!
Can you give my Columbia Supplement a read?
love your first essay... flows really nicely and is actually quite poetic.
second essay is also great in my opinion. It really feels like you are talking to your roommate and giving him/her a warning of the person you are, along with your flaws. You make the essay pro and con about yourself instead of just promoting yourself to the university hahah. which is great :D
annddd i love the ending to your third essay.. i actually didn't read through it too scrupulously but it ended really well.
Overall I am really impressed with your vocabulary, and universities often don't care much for pretentious people using notched up vocab but you seem to be able to pull it off while not sounding pretentious. good job overall. am thoroughly impressed :D
do you mind having a read at my Cornell supplement?
Hey! I absolutely LOVED your response to the first question. It was definitely unique!! As for the second question, I loved the introduction. I really liked how you tied together these little quirks about you with solid experience, it gives wonderful insight into who you are as a person. Well done (again :D) with the third question. I honestly think all of your responses were far from being generic.
Here are some quick suggestions:
#1 Question)
- passion, conflict and dreams.
-while a bearded man crooned a soft song of love and war to his guitar as? the murmur of conversation ebbed and flowed across the bonfire.
#2 Question)
- and worst of all- I will sometimes inherit their quirks and hobbies, whether it be becoming an avid Shogi player or being inordinately picky about my cheeses.
- You used the word amass twice in the first paragraph, it's not bad to keep it the way it is but I thought I would point it out just in case :)
#3 Question)
- Four years ago, I got accepted into an obscure camp in Russia, without realizing the impact it would have on me .
- the way I face any challenges or opportunities come my way; engaging, adapting, and leading.
Again... great job!! and GOOD LUCK :)
Please read my EXTREMELY short common app extracurricular essay and give me some feedback! Thank you so much :)
Aside from minor grammar errors and such, if I were an admissions officer, I'd shit my pants.
^agreed. Your essays are very well written. They are concise, but still include enough sensory details to make them entertaining. Your writing style is a plus too. Your vocabulary is appropriate, meaning you do not add "big" words to just make it sound nice. Good Job!
Wow, these are great!
The first one i can't find anything wrong with at all
The second one, I thought went off of the prompt the first time i read it, but i think that was more because of the ambiguous prompt than your writing. It is very nicely written and flows beautifully.
The third one is absolutely great as well.
I'm not sure if you meant "universal language of laughter" instead of "laugher" though.
I would much appreciate it if you could take a look at my Stanford Roommate letter!
#1 i agree i think you need to direct the fire to "you" why does fire matter to you!
#2 I think its really great! you really described your fun person! "hopelessly, irrevocably" twilight reader? caught you hah
#3 awesome experience! im kinda jealous!
