ElsaG
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / "Are you American too?" - UPenn Short [4]
Thank you all for your comments. They really helped a lot!
Thank you all for your comments. They really helped a lot!
ElsaG
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / "Are you American too?" - UPenn Short [4]
I feel like this might be too vague and not specific enough. I need help! I'm having writer's block at the worst possible moment! PLEASE BE BRUTALLY HONEST!
"Are you American too?" That was the most frequent question asked to me by the Balinese natives. Having an olive colored complexion, long brown hair, and hazel eyes, I stood out among a group of twelve American students in Bali, Indonesian. I was referred to as an Italian, an Indian, and a Middle Eastern woman. Oddly enough, no one ever guessed my ethnicity to be Mexican. I didn't mind at all, I was actually flatter to know that I resemble such diverse cultures.
Embarking on international trips, such as the one to Indonesia, has made me realize what it means to be a global citizen. Traveling to different countries, meeting people from all over the world, and building lifelong relationships are all acquired from such experiences. Eager to see every country in the world and learn as many languages as possible, I consider myself to be a world traveler in the making.
I feel like this might be too vague and not specific enough. I need help! I'm having writer's block at the worst possible moment! PLEASE BE BRUTALLY HONEST!
"Are you American too?" That was the most frequent question asked to me by the Balinese natives. Having an olive colored complexion, long brown hair, and hazel eyes, I stood out among a group of twelve American students in Bali, Indonesian. I was referred to as an Italian, an Indian, and a Middle Eastern woman. Oddly enough, no one ever guessed my ethnicity to be Mexican. I didn't mind at all, I was actually flatter to know that I resemble such diverse cultures.
Embarking on international trips, such as the one to Indonesia, has made me realize what it means to be a global citizen. Traveling to different countries, meeting people from all over the world, and building lifelong relationships are all acquired from such experiences. Eager to see every country in the world and learn as many languages as possible, I consider myself to be a world traveler in the making.
ElsaG
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / 'a convenience store in a small town' - Princeton - What did you do this summer [4]
I think you could improve this essay by explaining your emotions rather than talking about what you did. Add a little passion and make the essay stand out!
I think you could improve this essay by explaining your emotions rather than talking about what you did. Add a little passion and make the essay stand out!
ElsaG
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / 'passion for geography' - UPenn Long Essay [4]
I agree with edwkoc. I think you should change the beginning of the first paragraph. Maybe get rid of the part about it being a mandatory class. Give it a little more passion and you should be good to go! I'm applying to UPenn aswell. Check should out my essay. It would help alot!!
I agree with edwkoc. I think you should change the beginning of the first paragraph. Maybe get rid of the part about it being a mandatory class. Give it a little more passion and you should be good to go! I'm applying to UPenn aswell. Check should out my essay. It would help alot!!
ElsaG
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / 'community contains a strong motivation' - UPenn Supplement [NEW]
Ok so I just started this. It's just a rough draft, but I need to get it done! SUGGESTIONS ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED!!!!!
THANK YOU!!
Considering both the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying and the unique aspects of the University of Pennsylvania, what do you hope to learn from and contribute to the Penn community?
Intellectual professors, rigorous education, and a diverse student population. The Penn community contains a strong motivation that I find valuable and unique. Passionate professors inspire the students to truly become engaged in learning the material and make the classes fun and interesting. Exposure to different cultures and studies from a diverse student population can increase awareness and broaden one's knowledge. Having completed two international community service trips, I testify that learning and experiencing a foreign culture is very rewarding. Listening to stories from the natives and interacting with students in El Salvador and Indonesia were both amazing adventures. Deriving from a Mexican family, it's not normal for a girl my age to move away to college, much less move across the country. I have always felt limited by our strict values; however, when I became part of Summer Search, an organization that supports low-income students, I took the first detour in the paved road that was meant to be my life. I am proud to be constructing my unique avenue that will lead to the life I dream of having. The Penn curriculum offers me the chance to explore my options intellectually. I look forward to studying business at the Wharton School, or international relations in the College of Arts and Sciences. The flexibility at Penn allows me to pursue my degree through my own personalized path. Penn offers an abundance of resources to pursue my interests on a larger scale, whether it is by studying the economic trends in Paris, or obtaining an internship at The World Trade Center of Greater Philadelphia. Penn, with its support for study abroad programs, will aggrandize my understanding of the world, not just through courses, but furthermore with its diverse student body and first-hand experiences. As a multilingual student, University of Pennsylvania is the appropriate university to enhance my ability to learn foreign tongues. Penn will guide me through a globally focused education and study abroad opportunities-the path to the international career I desperately yearn for.
Individually, I would try to incorporate the knowledge I've learned from my past international experiences to the Penn community. I would become another member of the community and do my part to try to fully engage in everything the campus has to offer. I always envisioned myself at a university similar to the ones portrayed in movies. Going to the big game on Friday night, getting involved in a sorority, and becoming involved with school clubs are some ways I will interact with the student body. Attending the University of Pennsylvania will give me the opportunity to experience all that and more. With my background in international experiences, I am more open-minded and accepting of foreign cultures and customs. Keeping in mind the large amount of international students and socioeconomic diversity at Penn, I would engage with the student body very successfully. Working hard to maintaining a high GPA, I would transfer that ambition into my college classes and put just as much effort, if not more, into my courses.
Ok so I just started this. It's just a rough draft, but I need to get it done! SUGGESTIONS ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED!!!!!
THANK YOU!!
Considering both the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying and the unique aspects of the University of Pennsylvania, what do you hope to learn from and contribute to the Penn community?
Intellectual professors, rigorous education, and a diverse student population. The Penn community contains a strong motivation that I find valuable and unique. Passionate professors inspire the students to truly become engaged in learning the material and make the classes fun and interesting. Exposure to different cultures and studies from a diverse student population can increase awareness and broaden one's knowledge. Having completed two international community service trips, I testify that learning and experiencing a foreign culture is very rewarding. Listening to stories from the natives and interacting with students in El Salvador and Indonesia were both amazing adventures. Deriving from a Mexican family, it's not normal for a girl my age to move away to college, much less move across the country. I have always felt limited by our strict values; however, when I became part of Summer Search, an organization that supports low-income students, I took the first detour in the paved road that was meant to be my life. I am proud to be constructing my unique avenue that will lead to the life I dream of having. The Penn curriculum offers me the chance to explore my options intellectually. I look forward to studying business at the Wharton School, or international relations in the College of Arts and Sciences. The flexibility at Penn allows me to pursue my degree through my own personalized path. Penn offers an abundance of resources to pursue my interests on a larger scale, whether it is by studying the economic trends in Paris, or obtaining an internship at The World Trade Center of Greater Philadelphia. Penn, with its support for study abroad programs, will aggrandize my understanding of the world, not just through courses, but furthermore with its diverse student body and first-hand experiences. As a multilingual student, University of Pennsylvania is the appropriate university to enhance my ability to learn foreign tongues. Penn will guide me through a globally focused education and study abroad opportunities-the path to the international career I desperately yearn for.
Individually, I would try to incorporate the knowledge I've learned from my past international experiences to the Penn community. I would become another member of the community and do my part to try to fully engage in everything the campus has to offer. I always envisioned myself at a university similar to the ones portrayed in movies. Going to the big game on Friday night, getting involved in a sorority, and becoming involved with school clubs are some ways I will interact with the student body. Attending the University of Pennsylvania will give me the opportunity to experience all that and more. With my background in international experiences, I am more open-minded and accepting of foreign cultures and customs. Keeping in mind the large amount of international students and socioeconomic diversity at Penn, I would engage with the student body very successfully. Working hard to maintaining a high GPA, I would transfer that ambition into my college classes and put just as much effort, if not more, into my courses.
