Undergraduate / Santorini, Personal Statement [5]

Does it flow?
any cliches?
any grammar issues?
any corrections?
Thankk you!

I looked to my left and the endless, cerulean ocean was the only thing in my sight, while behind me a blue and white flag billowed in the wind. I couldn't get over how strong the wind was blowing while I stood on the bow of the Aquamarine. We were headed toward a place I only dreamed of exploring, yet there I was. There in front of us was the beautiful Santorini.

My heart skipped a beat as the ship got closer to our destination. Camera in hand and wind blowing about my hair-I was never more ready to experience the trip I had worked so hard for. A small ferry took us the rest of the way since the ship had stopped just short of the dock. Every inch we gained I could see the flowing city atop the volcano's rim, more and more clearly. The tiny details such as the door leading to a home built right into the volcano's walls really caught my eye. Every building had a pristine essence about it, which was partly due to the vibrant blue and white colors which repeated throughout the whole city. Surrounded by new friends who would now take permanence in my life-we were all more than thrilled to ride donkeys up the base of the volcano into the unknown city.

Walking the windy streets throughout Santorini and snapping pictures of everything beautiful that caught my eye-I felt free. I was free to explore and free to feel every moment of my trip on the other side of the world. I had made this trip possible for myself and I knew I was making every second worth it, by simply noticing the bright blue doors and taking in the endless view of the ocean I could see as I stood on the ledge of this volcano.

Undergraduate / prompt 1 (UC schools) any corrections/advice needed [NEW]

The only life I have ever known has taken place in the city I will always call home, Carlsbad. This warm, beach community has fostered my years of growing up and it has helped to create the person I am today.

I call this city my home not only because it is the place I have lived and grown up in but because this community has given me every opportunity to grow as a person and become the best person I can be. I have grown up with numerous positive influences in my life especially because of the atmosphere Carlsbad offers. People in Carlsbad are stereotypically on the wealthier side and this success that surrounds me has encouraged me to want to succeed as my neighbors have. Compared to many, I have lived a privileged life, yet I have used this advantage to become self-driven and become self-sufficient on my own two feet. I have not taken this advantage for granted as some may have. I love the feeling of the "safety net" there is here in Carlsbad yet I am ready to venture out into the world and challenge my independence. I truly appreciate the influence Carlsbad has had on me, because it has given me the drive to become self-motivated and strive to be independently successful.

Life in my home is like many homes in Southern California today. My parents divorced when I was five years old, which is something I have always accepted. A benefit from depending on a single parent is I have become independent on my own. I have not questioned my ability to get through life on my own and this can be credited to my life as a part of a divorced home. This independence I have achieved comes a great deal from my mom, who always pushed my brother and I to do more and strive for success. As a single mom, she took on more responsibility than anyone I have ever met. Now that I am older I truly appreciate everything she has taken on to create a wonderful home for my brother and I. I'm proud to say I see the same strength within myself and I am truly appreciative of this trait my mom has passed on to me.

Both of my parents have instilled a work ethic in me, which is also evident in their lives. They both received professional degrees at prestigious universities, and this has also made me want to succeed as they have. Since I was fifteen I have been employed, while also maintaining success in school and extra-curricular activities.

My home has influenced me to be successful in everything I do including staying true to my morals, which both of my parents have instilled in me. Since I was born I have attended the same church, and this also has been a huge influence on my growing up. I am very thankful to both of my parents for encouraging me to stay strong with my faith and be successful in everything I do.