ZoeL14
Dec 1, 2008
Undergraduate / "Without opponents, I might fall asleep" - ut essay TOPIC A [5]
Thank you for replying. How can I fix my structure and grammar?
Thank you for replying. How can I fix my structure and grammar?
ZoeL14
Nov 30, 2008
Undergraduate / "Without opponents, I might fall asleep" - ut essay TOPIC A [5]
Without opponents, I might fall asleep
We're living in a world of contradictions, eventually we will meet some significant people who could have impacts on our lives. Other than my parents, there is one group of people can also create a great impact on me - my critics and my opponents. Some people would give up their original purpose while facing antagonists, some would slacken their pace because of objections, and a portion of them could even sink into despair. But there are also individuals can withstand the pressures, and I'm one of them. The more enemies I meet, the more perseverance I develop.
When I was little, I was really clumsy and my taste in clothing was rather vulgar, but I'm still a good student. I was considered the most mediocre child among all my cousins. I was not favored by one of my aunties, to be honest she was quite pretty but kind of snobbery. She prefers kids that are sociable and good-looking; obviously I'm not lovable to her. Another reason she hates me is because her daughter attended the same school I went to, and I'm always a top student in my class, her daughter had a hard time with even passing the classes. She would get aggressive every time when she finds out that I'm doing better than her daughter at school. Long story short, my Auntie doesn't like me, and my only weakness she would use to attack me was my outward appearance. Although I knew I'm not good-looking at that time, I would still hope that she never point that out, until one day she finally did. She criticized me for having an argument with her daughter. She blamed all the faults on me even though it wasn't my fault at all. She told me that I was the most brainless kid she had ever seen, and she also satirized my physical appearance, that I didn't know how to dress-up, a girl like me cannot succeed. Her words harmed me profoundly. I've decided to prove to her that I can be perfect in all fields.
Ever since that, I started paying more attention to my appearance and learned to act with graceful manners. I started letting my hair grow and started wearing dresses. Although I felt like a fish out of water at the beginning of the refinement, but I would bestir myself by reminding myself of what auntie told me. Because I knew if I improve myself, the better I get, the harder it will be for other people to destroy me. Hard works paid off, although I'm still not gorgeous, but I'm polite, elegant and open-minded. It becomes clear to me that, though the finished product may be beautiful and elegant, the process is not. Once I told Auntie that I'm extremely grateful to her, if it wasn't her, I'm probably still that ignorant and clumsy girl. Even though her statements were mixed with prejudices, I can still use them as motivations. Auntie blew away my respects to her, but she created a miracle in my life. Without these haters, I would probably turn in to a typical girl who will cry and get sad if I hear something offensive. Now I'm more confident in myself than I used to be.
She didn't only change the way I look, but also my philosophy towards life and the society. I understood that I can't surround myself with praises and people who love me. Sometimes it's disappointed whenever I see people's dreams and passions have snuffed by haters. But think this way: will you care if an ant criticizes you? I had learned not to take those opponents' comments in a negative way. My critics made me realize that as a person is living in this world, then he has to prepare for criticizing. It's worse if no one attacks you, which means you are not important to them. These enemies of mine are influencing since they helped me to reveal my weakness, and I have learned how to use them and my mind to get anything I want. Something in this world can be inevitable, while facing obstacles, it's better to light a candle than complaining about the darkness.
In my opinion, a person is like a piece of metal, it cannot reveal its natural color unless someone breaks it. Without enemies, I will probably never find out how capable I can be. Yet, the haters will drag you out from your lotus land, which forces us to get better, in order to be more competitive. I have to express my gratefulness to all my haters, you taught me how to be strong, and you taught me how to face inexorability with a smile. "Thank you, haters!"
Without opponents, I might fall asleep
We're living in a world of contradictions, eventually we will meet some significant people who could have impacts on our lives. Other than my parents, there is one group of people can also create a great impact on me - my critics and my opponents. Some people would give up their original purpose while facing antagonists, some would slacken their pace because of objections, and a portion of them could even sink into despair. But there are also individuals can withstand the pressures, and I'm one of them. The more enemies I meet, the more perseverance I develop.
When I was little, I was really clumsy and my taste in clothing was rather vulgar, but I'm still a good student. I was considered the most mediocre child among all my cousins. I was not favored by one of my aunties, to be honest she was quite pretty but kind of snobbery. She prefers kids that are sociable and good-looking; obviously I'm not lovable to her. Another reason she hates me is because her daughter attended the same school I went to, and I'm always a top student in my class, her daughter had a hard time with even passing the classes. She would get aggressive every time when she finds out that I'm doing better than her daughter at school. Long story short, my Auntie doesn't like me, and my only weakness she would use to attack me was my outward appearance. Although I knew I'm not good-looking at that time, I would still hope that she never point that out, until one day she finally did. She criticized me for having an argument with her daughter. She blamed all the faults on me even though it wasn't my fault at all. She told me that I was the most brainless kid she had ever seen, and she also satirized my physical appearance, that I didn't know how to dress-up, a girl like me cannot succeed. Her words harmed me profoundly. I've decided to prove to her that I can be perfect in all fields.
Ever since that, I started paying more attention to my appearance and learned to act with graceful manners. I started letting my hair grow and started wearing dresses. Although I felt like a fish out of water at the beginning of the refinement, but I would bestir myself by reminding myself of what auntie told me. Because I knew if I improve myself, the better I get, the harder it will be for other people to destroy me. Hard works paid off, although I'm still not gorgeous, but I'm polite, elegant and open-minded. It becomes clear to me that, though the finished product may be beautiful and elegant, the process is not. Once I told Auntie that I'm extremely grateful to her, if it wasn't her, I'm probably still that ignorant and clumsy girl. Even though her statements were mixed with prejudices, I can still use them as motivations. Auntie blew away my respects to her, but she created a miracle in my life. Without these haters, I would probably turn in to a typical girl who will cry and get sad if I hear something offensive. Now I'm more confident in myself than I used to be.
She didn't only change the way I look, but also my philosophy towards life and the society. I understood that I can't surround myself with praises and people who love me. Sometimes it's disappointed whenever I see people's dreams and passions have snuffed by haters. But think this way: will you care if an ant criticizes you? I had learned not to take those opponents' comments in a negative way. My critics made me realize that as a person is living in this world, then he has to prepare for criticizing. It's worse if no one attacks you, which means you are not important to them. These enemies of mine are influencing since they helped me to reveal my weakness, and I have learned how to use them and my mind to get anything I want. Something in this world can be inevitable, while facing obstacles, it's better to light a candle than complaining about the darkness.
In my opinion, a person is like a piece of metal, it cannot reveal its natural color unless someone breaks it. Without enemies, I will probably never find out how capable I can be. Yet, the haters will drag you out from your lotus land, which forces us to get better, in order to be more competitive. I have to express my gratefulness to all my haters, you taught me how to be strong, and you taught me how to face inexorability with a smile. "Thank you, haters!"
ZoeL14
Nov 29, 2008
Undergraduate / UT ESSAYS - Leadership, Setback, Challenge [5]
Please Help Me I Have To Submit them Before Monday
Please Help Me I Have To Submit them Before Monday
ZoeL14
Nov 29, 2008
Undergraduate / "to talk about an issue I concern" (Wallstreet) - UT TOPIC B [2]
This is an essay I wrote for UT, the topic is to talk about an issue I concern. Please proof read it for me. Can anyone tell me if I'm off topic, or how I can improve it ? please help me with structure, and grammar
Wall Street was a legendary place. It used to be a visionary paradise for every business professionals. But today, sweet dream turned into a nightmare. Nowadays if you see someone who is walking down the Wall Street with a huge box in his arms, apodictically he is probably an unfortunate former employee just received his dismissal. According to the reports, since the economic crisis broke out in September, more than 20% of employees had lost their jobs on Wall Street. I believe the data will continue to expand. This disaster has affected the U.S. economy, now is expanding globally.
This year's college graduates were not born at a lucky time period. During periods of economic prosperity, college graduates could easily get two or three job offers even before they graduate from college. But the nation's economy is in its recession, this year's college graduates are facing a job market which is not very optimistic. So far, only 65% of last year's college graduates had found a job, for the remaining 35 percent, either they are still looking for opportunities, or they are planning to pursue an advanced degree.
Actually I was unconcerned about the explosion of the financial crisis, after all, I'm only an average person, granted that I'm affected it wouldn't make a huge difference. It can probably make me to go shopping once a month instead of twice a month, and to replace luxuries with inexpensive articles at most. But as I heard more and more about it, my crisis awareness had been aroused. Due to the economic downturn, for most companies, the number of employees is being whittled down in order to reduce costs, even if they are employees with master's degrees. College graduates are now suffering from the reduction of staff and the decreasing in job offers. After hearing these, I started considering about my future in a different way. Mainly I need to consider about what I'm really expecting for my future, what kind of college will suit me the most, what majors will help me to succeed later on, and the practicability of my majors. Although there isn't a big difference on living cost, my parent still can't afford the tuition for those private colleges, especially the scholarships amounts are reducing distinctly. In such a case, my standard for a good college is to have a fairly charged tuition. Second of all, the majors I would pick must be highly practical and pragmatic. Two years ago, I wanted to study economy and finance, but I found these two majors are quite abstract and idealistic compare with other majors. I noticed most people get laid off are those without professional skills, people who normally stay are always working for a vital department inside a company. Now when I'm considering about a major, I'm considering not only my interests, but also their technicalities, now I could narrow down my choices to a decision between Management Information System, accounting and Architectural Engineering.
In addition to college decisions, as an immigrant, the crisis leads to another question which is to decide whether or not to move back to my motherland, since I have heard many people I know are going back after their graduations. It is not a problem that's really bothering me, because I don't have to make a decision until I really I have to.
Even though most companies are not hiring new employees, unemployment rate is constantly going up, I wouldn't excessively worry about my future career, since I believe the University of Texas at Austin will train me well, I would be able to find a job that I like.
This is an essay I wrote for UT, the topic is to talk about an issue I concern. Please proof read it for me. Can anyone tell me if I'm off topic, or how I can improve it ? please help me with structure, and grammar
Wall Street was a legendary place. It used to be a visionary paradise for every business professionals. But today, sweet dream turned into a nightmare. Nowadays if you see someone who is walking down the Wall Street with a huge box in his arms, apodictically he is probably an unfortunate former employee just received his dismissal. According to the reports, since the economic crisis broke out in September, more than 20% of employees had lost their jobs on Wall Street. I believe the data will continue to expand. This disaster has affected the U.S. economy, now is expanding globally.
This year's college graduates were not born at a lucky time period. During periods of economic prosperity, college graduates could easily get two or three job offers even before they graduate from college. But the nation's economy is in its recession, this year's college graduates are facing a job market which is not very optimistic. So far, only 65% of last year's college graduates had found a job, for the remaining 35 percent, either they are still looking for opportunities, or they are planning to pursue an advanced degree.
Actually I was unconcerned about the explosion of the financial crisis, after all, I'm only an average person, granted that I'm affected it wouldn't make a huge difference. It can probably make me to go shopping once a month instead of twice a month, and to replace luxuries with inexpensive articles at most. But as I heard more and more about it, my crisis awareness had been aroused. Due to the economic downturn, for most companies, the number of employees is being whittled down in order to reduce costs, even if they are employees with master's degrees. College graduates are now suffering from the reduction of staff and the decreasing in job offers. After hearing these, I started considering about my future in a different way. Mainly I need to consider about what I'm really expecting for my future, what kind of college will suit me the most, what majors will help me to succeed later on, and the practicability of my majors. Although there isn't a big difference on living cost, my parent still can't afford the tuition for those private colleges, especially the scholarships amounts are reducing distinctly. In such a case, my standard for a good college is to have a fairly charged tuition. Second of all, the majors I would pick must be highly practical and pragmatic. Two years ago, I wanted to study economy and finance, but I found these two majors are quite abstract and idealistic compare with other majors. I noticed most people get laid off are those without professional skills, people who normally stay are always working for a vital department inside a company. Now when I'm considering about a major, I'm considering not only my interests, but also their technicalities, now I could narrow down my choices to a decision between Management Information System, accounting and Architectural Engineering.
In addition to college decisions, as an immigrant, the crisis leads to another question which is to decide whether or not to move back to my motherland, since I have heard many people I know are going back after their graduations. It is not a problem that's really bothering me, because I don't have to make a decision until I really I have to.
Even though most companies are not hiring new employees, unemployment rate is constantly going up, I wouldn't excessively worry about my future career, since I believe the University of Texas at Austin will train me well, I would be able to find a job that I like.
ZoeL14
Nov 28, 2008
Undergraduate / UT ESSAYS - Leadership, Setback, Challenge [5]
3. Significant Setback/Challenge/Opportunity Essay (this is the one I don't like)
Once a pond a time, there was a merchant, he saw a stunning emerald, enchanted
by the stone's beauty, he decided to buy it. He returned home and took the
emerald to a jeweler for appraisal. The jeweler began to examine the stone
through his magnifier, and as he did so, his face went pale. "What's the
matter?" asked the proud owner of the emerald.
"I can't find a flaw." said the jeweler.
"Wonderful!" said the stone's owner.
"No, it's not. If it is flawless, it's a fake. It's not real. Nothing in the
natural world is flawless." replied the jeweler.
Each one of us living in the world is a rough stone, we must go through years
of polishing and experiencing to achieve our goal of perfection, but usually
none of us could. According to the rules of the real world, there will always
be failures and setbacks and less than perfect conditions. I had experienced
failures many times.
I still remember the how surprised I was the first time I checked the class
ranking list without seeing my name on that top 10% list, it was during my
freshman year, a year after I moved to the United States. I stared at that post
board for almost ten minutes just to make sure I didn't skip a line, but
unfortunately my name wasn't on it. I was disappointed at the fact that I was
probably not good enough to be in top 10 percent, but I was also wondering to
know how other people could be on that list, because some of them that I know
don't really deserve their spots. I had a question mark in my mind until one
day, a friend of mine told me about the honor classes. I realized how much of a
difference it could make on my class ranking by taking advanced classes, my
counselor from middle school had never told us about honor classes, no one
informed me that the Grade Point Average for a honor class is 5.0, the GPA for
a regular class is 4.0. To be honest, at that time I felt I was a bit hard done
by, since I never know that I have a choice to take classes with higher GPAs.
After I became aware of how much I had been left behind, I went to the
counselor to check my class ranking after my freshman year, it was number 217.
On my way home I tried to think about what I can do to catch up. I know I
shouldn't impute all faults and wrongs on others; I also have responsibilities
on this issue, since I know this is a place that I'm not yet familiar with, I
should ask other for help, I shouldn't expect them come up to me and tell me
every step I should take. It's my duty ask and solve problems. Now it's time to
consider what I can do to improve a past record that I cannot change anymore,
but I have another chance to make it better. The second day, I reported to my
counselor's office to request a schedule change, I changed all my classes to
Pre-AP. I started look up information about colleges. Neither of my parents had
gone to college before; they don't know the procedures of college application.
As the first one who will attend college in my family, I know I'm setting a
sample for my younger relatives and my community. Although I'm all by myself, I
have no one to count on, I will never be afraid nor give up. I challenge myself
by taking advanced classes. I tried to join in as many clubs as I could, I
tried to run for officers if I have a chance, and I won't allow myself to quit.
I did all these things just to make myself more competitive.
After two years of hardworking, I finally moved up to number 30 out of almost
eight hundred graduating seniors. It's not even close to what I'm expecting,
but at least I tried to recover my own missteps, and I had gained so much self
confidence and courage by fight against this huge setback occurred in my high
school years. I learned to ask for advices before I start a plan. People who
know how to ask questions are more than likely to succeed than those who are
ignorant but wouldn't ask for help. There is nothing wrong with
inquisitiveness.
Setbacks are not flaws of our lives but precious treasures. Failures and
setbacks happen quite often in life. Without such trials, life
is not complete and we can never realize how happy life can truly be.
3. Significant Setback/Challenge/Opportunity Essay (this is the one I don't like)
Once a pond a time, there was a merchant, he saw a stunning emerald, enchanted
by the stone's beauty, he decided to buy it. He returned home and took the
emerald to a jeweler for appraisal. The jeweler began to examine the stone
through his magnifier, and as he did so, his face went pale. "What's the
matter?" asked the proud owner of the emerald.
"I can't find a flaw." said the jeweler.
"Wonderful!" said the stone's owner.
"No, it's not. If it is flawless, it's a fake. It's not real. Nothing in the
natural world is flawless." replied the jeweler.
Each one of us living in the world is a rough stone, we must go through years
of polishing and experiencing to achieve our goal of perfection, but usually
none of us could. According to the rules of the real world, there will always
be failures and setbacks and less than perfect conditions. I had experienced
failures many times.
I still remember the how surprised I was the first time I checked the class
ranking list without seeing my name on that top 10% list, it was during my
freshman year, a year after I moved to the United States. I stared at that post
board for almost ten minutes just to make sure I didn't skip a line, but
unfortunately my name wasn't on it. I was disappointed at the fact that I was
probably not good enough to be in top 10 percent, but I was also wondering to
know how other people could be on that list, because some of them that I know
don't really deserve their spots. I had a question mark in my mind until one
day, a friend of mine told me about the honor classes. I realized how much of a
difference it could make on my class ranking by taking advanced classes, my
counselor from middle school had never told us about honor classes, no one
informed me that the Grade Point Average for a honor class is 5.0, the GPA for
a regular class is 4.0. To be honest, at that time I felt I was a bit hard done
by, since I never know that I have a choice to take classes with higher GPAs.
After I became aware of how much I had been left behind, I went to the
counselor to check my class ranking after my freshman year, it was number 217.
On my way home I tried to think about what I can do to catch up. I know I
shouldn't impute all faults and wrongs on others; I also have responsibilities
on this issue, since I know this is a place that I'm not yet familiar with, I
should ask other for help, I shouldn't expect them come up to me and tell me
every step I should take. It's my duty ask and solve problems. Now it's time to
consider what I can do to improve a past record that I cannot change anymore,
but I have another chance to make it better. The second day, I reported to my
counselor's office to request a schedule change, I changed all my classes to
Pre-AP. I started look up information about colleges. Neither of my parents had
gone to college before; they don't know the procedures of college application.
As the first one who will attend college in my family, I know I'm setting a
sample for my younger relatives and my community. Although I'm all by myself, I
have no one to count on, I will never be afraid nor give up. I challenge myself
by taking advanced classes. I tried to join in as many clubs as I could, I
tried to run for officers if I have a chance, and I won't allow myself to quit.
I did all these things just to make myself more competitive.
After two years of hardworking, I finally moved up to number 30 out of almost
eight hundred graduating seniors. It's not even close to what I'm expecting,
but at least I tried to recover my own missteps, and I had gained so much self
confidence and courage by fight against this huge setback occurred in my high
school years. I learned to ask for advices before I start a plan. People who
know how to ask questions are more than likely to succeed than those who are
ignorant but wouldn't ask for help. There is nothing wrong with
inquisitiveness.
Setbacks are not flaws of our lives but precious treasures. Failures and
setbacks happen quite often in life. Without such trials, life
is not complete and we can never realize how happy life can truly be.
ZoeL14
Nov 28, 2008
Undergraduate / UT ESSAYS - Leadership, Setback, Challenge [5]
2.Personal Information Short Essay
In my mother's words, I'm too strong to be a girl. By which she means I'm too
ambitious, too independent-minded, and somehow doesn't fit the description of a
girl in her mind. At such times, I do not argue, for I realize how difficult it
must be for her and my father--having to deal a daughter who reject their
simple idea of life and drag them into a future they do not understand. For my
parents, plans for my futures were very simple. I was to get good grades, go to
a good college, and become a good doctor. The only reason she wants me to
become a doctor is because her youngest brother died from cancer at a very
young age, so she is expecting to be in the medical field to save people's
life, plus, this is a job that's more secure and settled. Unfortunately for my
parents, however, the security of that world is simply not enough for me, I
want to have my own business, I want to have a major and a job that requires
not only knowledge but also has to deal with making decisions base on my own
judgments. I can work in any field because the processes I will learn in
business apply in every field and are practical and useful in everyday life. I
can live according to other people's expectations; I have control to my own
life.
2.Personal Information Short Essay
In my mother's words, I'm too strong to be a girl. By which she means I'm too
ambitious, too independent-minded, and somehow doesn't fit the description of a
girl in her mind. At such times, I do not argue, for I realize how difficult it
must be for her and my father--having to deal a daughter who reject their
simple idea of life and drag them into a future they do not understand. For my
parents, plans for my futures were very simple. I was to get good grades, go to
a good college, and become a good doctor. The only reason she wants me to
become a doctor is because her youngest brother died from cancer at a very
young age, so she is expecting to be in the medical field to save people's
life, plus, this is a job that's more secure and settled. Unfortunately for my
parents, however, the security of that world is simply not enough for me, I
want to have my own business, I want to have a major and a job that requires
not only knowledge but also has to deal with making decisions base on my own
judgments. I can work in any field because the processes I will learn in
business apply in every field and are practical and useful in everyday life. I
can live according to other people's expectations; I have control to my own
life.
ZoeL14
Nov 28, 2008
Undergraduate / UT ESSAYS - Leadership, Setback, Challenge [5]
Please revise the following essays for me.
1. Leadership Ability Short Essay
Leadership to me is all about communication. If you don't talk with people, you
will never know what they are expecting from you. Last year I was the
vice-president of a club, basically I was the co-founder of the club. Things
are usually harder at the beginning; we went through many obstacles just to
make the club exist. This year everything is in good order now. But there was a
group of people won't do anything even you ask them to. Later on, I talked to
them to see if there is any dissatisfaction about the club. They pointed out we
didn't do anything but fund-raising, and the shirt looks ugly. To be honest, I
was terribly indignant at their speech and also worried. I know if they still
think like this, they wouldn't want to cooperate with us because people who
criticize you won't help you. I asked them about their opinions of the
strategies to run a club. They said that we need an outstanding T-shirt with
customized names, and field trips once in a while. I asked them how to achieve
these goals without enough money. I asked her to design a shirt for the club
with the way they wanted, but the costs of the shirts have to be under our
budget. They agreed with pleasure, but two days later, they came up to me with
frustrations, now they understand how difficult to come up with an ideal shirt
with limited money amount and they are willing to help us. The way to lead
mavericks is to inform them the difficulties we've been through, so they
wouldn't think it's a laid-back job to be in charge.
Please revise the following essays for me.
1. Leadership Ability Short Essay
Leadership to me is all about communication. If you don't talk with people, you
will never know what they are expecting from you. Last year I was the
vice-president of a club, basically I was the co-founder of the club. Things
are usually harder at the beginning; we went through many obstacles just to
make the club exist. This year everything is in good order now. But there was a
group of people won't do anything even you ask them to. Later on, I talked to
them to see if there is any dissatisfaction about the club. They pointed out we
didn't do anything but fund-raising, and the shirt looks ugly. To be honest, I
was terribly indignant at their speech and also worried. I know if they still
think like this, they wouldn't want to cooperate with us because people who
criticize you won't help you. I asked them about their opinions of the
strategies to run a club. They said that we need an outstanding T-shirt with
customized names, and field trips once in a while. I asked them how to achieve
these goals without enough money. I asked her to design a shirt for the club
with the way they wanted, but the costs of the shirts have to be under our
budget. They agreed with pleasure, but two days later, they came up to me with
frustrations, now they understand how difficult to come up with an ideal shirt
with limited money amount and they are willing to help us. The way to lead
mavericks is to inform them the difficulties we've been through, so they
wouldn't think it's a laid-back job to be in charge.
