Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by dpa
Joined: Jan 12, 2012
Last Post: Aug 25, 2013
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  
From: Nepal

Displayed posts: 4
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
dpa   
Aug 25, 2013
Writing Feedback / Short biography for TEDX TALK and Marketing proposal [4]

It's well written, few points, I would like to point out:

years old Egyptian high school student would better sound if you write "years old high school student from Egypt ..."

who has invented I feel "who invented" sounds better.

won the international concept project competition would be better as won the "International Concept Project" competition.

time for Arabian or Egyptian student to win at this environmental competition This was the first time any Arabian or Egyptian student had won this environmental competition.

chosen to with his environmental project chosen for his environmental project to represent...

three persons three people

they won in Intel International they won the Intel International...

he won in the he also won the...

first time for Egypt for the first time representing Egypt.
dpa   
Aug 22, 2013
Writing Feedback / During the first years after graduation students are usually full of health and energy [4]

cheer,

This is an opinion based writing. So you have done good job with three points, two from personal experience, and one from external source. It is better to cite the exact source than merely hint at it by saying "One Scientific Magazine".

Your essay is great. "bean" should be "been". I know that was a typo.

"The results reveal that people usually make their most impressive accomplishments by the age of 28". Depends on how we interpret. "by the age of 28" does not mean at age 28. Remember, if you talk about accomplishment Google, Microsoft, Facebook all started during college years.

It's a good essay. I would say 4 points. Best of luck.
dpa   
Jan 18, 2012
Undergraduate / (love for experiments / remote controlled circuit) - IVYs. [3]

I have two essays and want your opinions if they are good enough for some competitive colleges. I actually already applied to IVYs but want your opinion about it.

Prompts: Topic Of Yours Own Choice

1. How I discovered my love for experiments...
Chirp... Chirp... Chirp... Only incessant stridulation of male crickets and nothing else that could possibly be appealing to my senses. The rhythmic chirping of crickets, in fact, did not create noise but instead blocked the occasional noise in the distance that would have shattered the silence. I felt exactly like Socrates and Elpidias would have felt in Vladimir Korolenko's "The Shades, A Fantasy".

I was on my way home from the farewell party which our school had a tradition of giving to its graduates. Though my home was around half an hour walking distance from school and despite the persistent suggestion from my friends to call my parents to pick me up, I preferred to walk all the way home. Walk, that too solitary, always brought a certain fascination. However, this walk felt unusually good. My senses were literally shut against the outside world, and I was left all to myself. I felt the individual consciousness in me more vehemently than ever.

Out of nowhere a strange question struck my mind. What would I do if my everyday world were like this? Empty, with no people around me. What would be that fundamental element that would give this entity called me pleasure and happiness? Contemplation? Sure, but what would fuel my contemplation?

Would I search for meaning in emptiness? How? Even upon somehow finding some meaning in emptiness, the scenario would definitely not change dramatically in my life as it did with Socrates' enlightening revelations to Elpidias. Would I then consider life to be hopeless and empty like the nihilists or act like hedonists? No, I am a confirmed believer in possibilities. May be I might not be enlightened with the purpose of life right now, but I sure can help humanity to discover that purpose which is possible only after the complete comprehension of universe and humanity's role in it.

May be, I can, metaphorically, put stones over stone, and muse over them and question myself why the stones do not fall. I can ponder over its form and stability and draw conclusions. May be I would slightly move one of the stones and again question and draw conclusions. This way I would be able to comprehend the laws that govern the world. May be, I would become a scholar, and create wisdom. That would be the only thing that could give the highest possible meaning to my existence and eventually happiness. By acquiring and creating knowledge, I would help humanity to understand itself in a better way. Then, no one else would have to walk the same desolate roads I or someone before me walked. At that moment I realized and decided that it is in being a scholar, a "man thinking" that my life can find its fulfilment.

2. From the city of my dreams where copper paved roads and towering capacitors buildings abound...
How overwhelming is the description of an intruder alarm circuit or a clap switch to someone who has been doing extensive research in photonics? Boring, of course! At most the person would reminisce his or her undergraduate days. But what effect would the same have on a twelve year old kid? It would definitely be like learning from a wizard a spell that magically turns a bouquet into a bunny.

I always wanted to figure out 'how' and 'why' things worked. In fact, by twelfth year, I had already been playing with electric motors, batteries and LEDs. During the seventh grade, I decided to participate in the school science fair. As motors, electric trolleys, or similar stuffs remained no more exciting, I wanted to come up with a grand project. I went to see my cousin, who was, then, doing a course in electronic engineering. He, instead, referred me to another person who had a small electronic shop. The really amazing aspect of that man's personality was the rare combination of entrepreneurship and passion for engineering, the kind of combination. He used to prepare electronic gadgets and sell them around the district, and at the same time guide engineering students with their projects. He always had rarest sensors, ICs and magazines about electronic circuits that students would need for their projects but were otherwise impossible to find in the district.

I prepared, with his help, a remote controlled circuit for the science fare. However, I kept visiting him later too. He would often cite my example to the students saying, "See! This kid can solder better than you." That often made me feel proud. One day I went to him to buy three pieces of high voltage ceramic capacitors. I wanted to build a device that could step down higher voltage AC to lower voltage DC without using any transformer. I had forgotten to take enough money with me and realized it only when I inserted my hand into my pocket to make the payment. After discovering that I didn't have enough money, he gave a strange expression filled with curiosity and tinted with certain degree of pity. Then, I didn't get what he had in his mind but that somehow touched me. Later I took my dad to buy me other components that I needed for the same project. "Lo!" he exclaimed, "This kid has finally brought his dad to buy him the capacitors!" I never dared to complete that project after a 4700ľF electrolytic capacitor blew off. However, the expression on his face still remains vividly in my mind. It reminds me of the fear he had that I might not be able to pursue my passions freely.

I want to study the possibility of quantum computation, understand the concepts of photonics, explore the higher level integration of electronics into nervous system and do extensive research during my undergraduate years themselves. I cannot imagine how ecstatic I would be while working under the guidance of best minds in the very field that I am so passionate about.
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳