Posts by djb222

djb222

Jan 13, 2012

Undergraduate / 'our different human experiences' - USC academic interest paragraph [4]

Very good, also very detailed

The sentense: "After receiving my bachelor's, I want to earn my Ph.D in Sociology and eventually work on the government level, specifically providing an inclusive sociological perspective on how educational resources can be used to serve the needs of the community."

it is a little bit of a run on. this is how i would rewrite it: After receiving my bachelor's I want to earn my Ph.D in Sociology and eventually work on the government level. Specifically providing an inclusive sociological perspective on how educational resources can be used to serve the needs of the community.

i removed the first comma after bachelors and made that one sentenced and started the second sentence with Specifically.

you could aso write it like this: After receiving my bachelor's i want to earn my Ph.D in Sociology and eventually work on the government level; specifically providing an inclusive sociological perspective on how educational resources can be used to serve the needs of the community.

Again I removed the first comma and put in a semicolon after government level because they are both two complete thoughs but the proper way would be connecting the two clauses with a semi colan vs a comma./

A thought is to change govenment levle with working with the government....that is just a thought.

"To better connect with as many people as I possibly can, I hope to be able to take as many courses in foreign languages as my schedule allows, perhaps minoring in German.."

Remove the comma after can. also you could reword the sentence as: I hope to be able to take as many foreign language courses as I can, perhaps minoring in German to better connect with as many people as I possibly can.

djb222

Jan 13, 2012

Undergraduate / 'great influence on defining my goals' - Common APP Transfer Essay [3]

Please provide a statement 250 words min that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.

My first year of college at Suffolk University has been eye opening. I have been introduced to people that I will probably be friends for life and I am grateful to have made such great relationships. Suffolk has had a great influence on defining my goals, in the sense of how far I want to be pushed and what to strive for. Suffolk helped me transition from high school to the college life by having many resources available at my fingertips like the Ballotti Learning Center (tutoring center) and the Math Help Center. Even though I had to go few times it set my mind at ease knowing that help was available to me when I needed it, to help my successful in my academia life.

My first semester went terrific at Suffolk both socially and academically as you can see from my transcripts; however my classes did not live up to my expectations. The classes at Suffolk were not as challenging as I hoped. The difficulty level was very similar to my high schools, and I want to be challenged more than what I have been. I am now at the next level of my education therefore the difficulty level should be raised, and I should have to push myself harder.

With transferring to your school I believe that I can have a great social experience, but most importantly be pushed academically. It is important to me that I am pushed because I want to get the most out of my education and be successful after I graduate. Being pushed in school better prepares you with the stresses that come with work. Overall I believe that transferring to your school will fulfill my quest of being pushed academically and still have a great college experience.