Writing Feedback / 'the mental desire without money' - Happiness in life - Ielts writing. [8]

very good dear!

50/50 points for ielts. Revise and write a second or third draft.

Letters / 'endeavor for getting into medical' -Goals and Aspirations - Letter of recommendation [3]

It's about YOU - NOT medical terms.
vast array of science domains that evidenced the abilities and extent to which biological studies

Blah Blah Blah

Tell me about empathy!

Better still - tell me why you will PROVE to be a valuable addition to THE prestigious medical staff and how you WILL contribute to the team! Tell me how you can expect to become not a doctor, but a doctor of considerable caliber - noteworthy.

Writing Feedback / 'it was a completely new life' - memoir Essay [4]

Hello,
I will try to print this out tomorrow. What is the purpose of the essay?
David

Essays / RE; essay "Better an egg today than a hen tomorrow" - [4]

Any good work on this topic yet?

Undergraduate / 'Neurodegenerative diseases' - Personal statement for SURF program in US [2]

As my mother tongue isn't english, so I am worried about every single things. Form proper word or grammar choice to overall flow of essay or structure of each paragraph.

Is it too long for 2-page essay (852words)?
So..anyone.. could you kindly look over what I have done and give me constructive advices?
Thank you in advance!

Please relax and revise - the one great thing about writing is you can DELETE and rethink - very much unlike speaking!

You can reduce word count by eliminating all of your clinical data - which I assume is redundant and completely out of context here. I think the topic is all about empathy. You DO understand the term don't you doctor?!?

Undergraduate / Admissions Essay for Art School: Confident and Eager to Learn More [3]

It has become a daily passion for me

A pretty good job, though as it would be nice if you could describe to the world the meaning of NSCADU. I am also a photographer and pray tell teach writing in Thailand.

Put some feeling in passion will you. And what is 'it' ?

Writing Feedback / 'learn to develop good characteristics in ourselves' - TOEFL [9]

Quote from philosophy 101. KNOW THYSELF.

>This is a typical TOEFL question of character, and thankfully it's not about your neighbor. Can you cite any true examples of a good co-worker? - There are many examples (of co-workers, colleagues, spouses) in movies. An ideal co-worker is your spouse!?!

Think about a business partner. WOW!

Writing Feedback / Persuasive Writing - Travelling around the world [4]

Hi,
I am a Canadian Language teacher based in Thailand. I teach academic & creative prose.
I've read some of your first draft here but I get the feeling you are being too persuasive.

The world around you is amazing! It's beautiful and we have the opportunity to do whatever we desire. The big blue sky with the sun's rays shining through fluffy clouds. Mountains which reach the sky like a stairway to heaven. Travelling and exploring new places is an incredible experience if you have the chance. With everything being so expensive, it's difficult for some people to go on adventures around the globe. Wouldn't you love to see the Great Wall of China; the northern lights; or the Grand Canyon? I know I would!

[b]
The use of YOU and WE - rethink that pls.

Wouldn't you love to see the Great Wall of China; the northern lights; or the Grand Canyon? I know I would!
Who would not, of sound mind, have a desire to see and feel the Great Wall of China; the northern lights; or the Grand Canyon?

fluffy clouds = ponderous, silver lined clouds

Essays / RE; essay "Better an egg today than a hen tomorrow" - [4]

I'm new here and thought it was (the topic) advice sought by a writer. So, then, let me address this to some of my students.

Personally I feel the WANT to brainstorm it as I've just spent HOURS contemplating the subject of EGGS which led me to this forum.

Quite useful in propagating material, me thinks.

Thanks.