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'the mental desire without money' - Happiness in life - Ielts writing.


Mai Chu 14 / 17 1  
Jan 31, 2012   #1
Some people believe that the personal happiness is directly related with the economic success. Others argue that the happiness depends on completely other factors. Discuss both of the views and give your own opinion

On the way looking for true happiness, some people take economics success as the most important determinant in building up the state of being delighted. Others praise the idea that other factors should be the foundation for joyfulness in life. Both views have its reasons.

For the first opinion, supporters may take the strength to fulfill the physical desire as the advantage. This reason is quite convincing, especially in the context of unstable economy. There is no doubt that money will ensure you a better life. You will be approached with the advance in medical treatment, no more pressure from work if an exciting holiday by travelling and exploring new land is waiting for you. Moreover, your future generation - your children will be entitled with well-education, with well-equipped rooms and small-size classes. In short, richness makes life easier, which leads to happiness.

However, the latter view also has its validity. There is still something that cannot be bought by money: the mental desire. Only family and friends can bring you the pleasure feelings which cash cannot exchange for. Another factor is our perspective to life: are we optimistic or pessimistic. A research has shown that 50% delightful people find themselves in the bright side instead of worrying about unnecessary things. That means our points of view to a matter somehow affect the state of happiness.

In conclusion, after both sides considered, I take the balance of financial issue and peace in mind to contribute to my happiness in life.

Thank you for reading and correcting my writing.
farina 11 / 25  
Jan 31, 2012   #2
hi i am not a native english speaker but i have found your wrtting is very good
Here r some mistakes
. Only family and friends can bring you the pleasure of feelings which cash cannot exchange formoney cannot buy . Another factor is our perspective to life: are we optimistic

-A research has shown that 50% of
basawang 10 / 76  
Jan 31, 2012   #3
Mai Chu

Hi,

A research has shown that 50% delightful people find themselves in the bright side instead of worrying about unnecessary things. That means our points of view to a matter somehow affect the state of happiness.

I do not understand this research. First of all, who conducted this research? Second, what is the definition of "delightful people"? "Delightful" means someone or something is pleasant, lovely, enjoyable, or amusing. People who are delightful could be optimistic or pessimistic in their personality. Even if you substitute "delighted" for "delightful", I still do not follow your idea. Delighted people tend not to worry about things too much, which requires no further studies.

I hope you can talk about more details of this research.

Best regards,
calanka 1 / 4  
Jan 31, 2012   #4
In conclusion, I believe that money does not always buy happiness, but it is not indicated that money cannot brings happiness. It is of great importance to deal with money more carefully and appropriately. Instead of lavishing money in an ostentatious way, we should be aware of that it is romance, friendships, good health, families that truly bring us happiness.
ranger_85 1 / 9  
Jan 31, 2012   #5
very good dear!

50/50 points for ielts. Revise and write a second or third draft.
OP Mai Chu 14 / 17 1  
Jan 31, 2012   #6
Thank you all.

Dear Wang, actually the there is no research as i said, it's just my example to support the idea. I remember my teacher has told me that in Ielts writing, we will be assessed by the capability of using language and the content is not really a matter of right or wrong. So i thought it's ok to make up some researchs. Anyway, do you think we should do so in order to have a convincing writing?
basawang 10 / 76  
Jan 31, 2012   #7
Mai Chu,

It is and always will be a terrible idea to present fake research data. It is sad that you are trying to fool your readers. I believe your teacher wants you to provide reliable examples, not fake ones.
OP Mai Chu 14 / 17 1  
Jan 31, 2012   #8
Thanks Wang, it's the first time and will be the last time i do so.


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