Undergraduate / Commonapp personal essay--not enough "me"? [8]

Does my essay NOT tell a lot about me?Well,could you please give me some suggestions on how to improve it? Thanks.
I chose "topic of your own choice".

Title: From one "center" to another

Fatigue and weariness swept over us. Finally, we arrived at an inconspicuous corner located in the middle of nowhere. This was the Children's Caring Center of the city.

The director led us to a corridor where babies were playing on the soft ground. They had just taken a bath and the volunteers were gently drying the babies with big towels. "They're so cute!" everyone exclaimed.Upon seeing us, several babies began to crawl towards us. One little girl was wearing an angelic smile and reached out her arm in order to touch me. But we both failed. A transparent window which was used to protect little children from being hurt by outsiders stood between us. It was like a deep trench that we could not get across.The girl immediately burst into tears since she realized the thing she touched was just an inanimate, cold-hearted window. With a look naked of all pretence, her watery eyes seemed so fragile and innocent; however, they plunged into my heart like a sharp-edged sword. She is an outcast, walking on the edge of the city. What she needs is not compassion, but love and care.

These little kids made me start to recall the segment of my childhood that I could still vividly remember.
Beams of sunlight penetrated through the balcony windows, leaving long shadows on the wooden floor. Grandma was holding me in her arms, asking me simple questions occasionally. Suddenly, I saw dad carrying a suitcase and walking towards the street. "Dad, where are you going?" I cried out from the fifth floor. Having heard my cries, dad simply smiled and waved goodbye. He kept on going without looking back for a second time. Grandma and I hurried down to chase him and I even forgot to wear my shoes. However, as soon as we arrived, dad's taxi had just driven away. I stood still, watching the taxi till it drove beyond my horizons.

From that moment, I hate the feeling of being left behind. I guess the little girl behind the window feels the same way. However, there are still some differences between us. For one, my dad returned to me. I once asked my dad why he didn't tell me he was just going for a business trip. "Probably I would be reluctant to leave if I saw you crying." He replied with a grin. Parents leave their children for a certain reason, but the little girl I met never got a reason.

Gradually, the little girl stopped crying as if nothing had happened. She was still a kid. Nevertheless, her cries are still ringing in my ears today. Thus, one month later in Action for Tomorrow Venture Program, I set up a simulative company for the little kids in need along with many companions. What our social enterprise craved for was to provide a safe place for children so as to help them build character and look after them. So I set out to do small preparations for the long journey. The image of an orphan replaced my original profile picture on my Windows Live Messenger software; the websites of children supplies replaced Facebook; development of an action plan took over all the conversations; "Utility fees, rent payment, staff salary", terms I had never got access to once became the center of my life. I was fully involved in designing posters for the exhibition and negotiating with potential sponsors. During the process of learning more about this personally meaningful cause, I strengthen my will to make a difference in this society in the hope that children longing for love and care can become the CENTER of public awareness.

As the setting sun tinged the nearby clouds at the end of the day, I saw another little girl resting comfortably in her mom's arms. Yes, that was her new mom and the girl was no longer in the middle of nowhere. Getting out of the gate of the Children's Caring CENTER, the girl becomes a CENTER of her family. That is just what I always hope for.

Undergraduate / 'A new look on life / Competing with others' - Umich essay --setback [5]

Hi. I'm an international student and it's my first time to post here.
So, please help me~~~

[A] Describe a setback that you have faced.How did you resolve it? How did the outcome affect you? If something similar happened in the future, how would you react?

When I successfully entered senior high school life, I got a suit of my own. However, students have few chances to wear suits, except for some special occasions like the Model United Nations (MUN).

I wasn't chosen to become a member of MUN in Tenth Grade, which really depressed me. "Is it because I always feel nervous in front of so many people? Is it because the speech for my try-out is not impressive?" I kept asking myself. Maybe I am not a born diplomat, but I don't give up easily and persistence is my attitude towards life. With this belief, I tried again in Eleventh Grade and ended up in joining MUN successfully.

Life took on a new look. Every Friday, classmates could see me wearing suit and high-heel shoes and holding a folder of documents. I felt that I was another person after changing into suit, a person who represented a country (Spain) and spoke for the country. At first I was ambitious. I found the task so arduous that I had to stay up late to look for official information even if I could not understand Espaïol at all.

However, this was not the biggest obstacle.

What frustrated me the most was that experienced delegates dominated the whole conference so that in draft resolutions I could only play the role of a signatory, not a sponsor; inexperienced delegates reached an agreement with me so easily because they just wanted a credit. I was somewhat alone. Compared with my feeling of loneliness, the experience of not entering MUN in Tenth Grade seemed nothing. Through this setback, I am aware that ambition is absolutely a vital force to succeed, but it is not the only force. To put aside the political stands in MUN conference, I needed others' support and understanding and I attributed failure and frustration to the fact that I became a MUNer one year after those experienced delegates and my fate was to blame.

Thus, I have always sought for opportunities in order to compete with others from the same starting line. I have been sticking to this principle until I saw a senior student running in school's sports games. I was wondering why there was a guy running beside her when she was running. Later I figured out that she was blind and the guy was guiding her not to run out of track. This was not a fair competition, but she insisted and everyone cheered for her. The girl taught me that hard work can finally pay off and it is never too late to catch up with others. Finally, I realized I was to blame for my setback and what is more important, I should have stood up and faced the obstacle myself.

Thus, if I unfortunately suffer from this kind of setback again, never will I complain, since I know that a bad loser is one who complains when he /she loses.