Writing Feedback / Student can be severely influenced from school by unsuitable schedules and stresses [5]

IELTS Cambridge 4 - Test 4 - Task 2
In many countries schools have severe problems with student behavior.
What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Here are my work:

Students can expand their knowledge of many aspects from schools. However, in some countries, students' behavior is badly affected by school activities. This essay will look at intense problems in students' behavior caused by schools focusing on the causes and solutions.

There are two major reasons why schools can badly affect pupils' actions. Firstly, students may not be taught properly by their schools. Most students in primary and secondary schools can not distinguish what is right or wrong, they just simply copy or follow what they hear and learn. Consequently, they may be severely influenced by wrong teaching methods. Secondly, inappropriate school time can cause stresses for students. In Vietnam, in order to train their children to "geniuses", most parents bring them to different classes from the morning to the evening with very rare time to relax. As a result, they may have serious problems studying at schools when they are stressed of being over-studied.

To tackle these problems, two typical solutions are recommended. The first answer is that schools should have suitable curriculums for the young-age students. Schools have to teach children with precise knowledge and help them to classify bad and good things. Another key is that parents should not put too much studying pressure on their children. Beside studying, students should have time to play and relax. Additionally, parents should also balance their children's time between learning and playing.

In conclusion, student can be severely influenced from school by unsuitable schedules and stresses from being over-studied. However, this can be solved by suitable curriculums and balancing the time between play and learn. If students can have study and play sufficiently, they may become very good and useful people.

Words: 329
Thank you all!
Tran Van Phat

Writing Feedback / Compare and Contrast 3 hostels (Nomads (NM), the Elizabeth Hostel, Habitat) [7]

Here is my FORMAL ESSAY about compare and contrast 3 hostels in Melbourne, Australia.
I need your comments, your helps to make it better. Thanks in advance !
This is my second draft:

Choosing a hostel is an extremely important factor, which affects the quality of a vacation. Therefore, it is necessary to select the most suitable hostel in order to have a complete happy holiday. In this essay, three hostels in Melbourne, Australia are considered, namely the Nomads All Nations Backpackers (NM), the Elizabeth Hostel (Eli) and Habitat HQ (HQ). They are compared with respect to the convenience of their location, prices and facilities.

Firstly, the convenience of the three hostels' location varies considerably. While HQ is located on St Kilda Road, close to St Kilda Beach, Eli is situated on Eliazabeth Street, which is only one minute's walk to the Queen Victoria Market. On the other hand, NM is the most convenient since it is placed on Spencer Street. There is a number of attractions nearby NM such as Crown Casino, the Yarra River, Exibition and Convention Centre.

Secondly, each hostel also differs in regard to the prices. NM offers the cheapest price with AUD 22.00 for shared 12 beds rooms and AUD 40.50 for budget twin rooms. Eli provides a higher price for shared 10 beds rooms at AUD 22.00 and AUD 30.00 for budget double. HQ has the most expensive price at AUD 32.00 for shared 10 beds rooms and AUD 54.67 for triple rooms.

Lastly, the three hostels share their similarities and differences in respect to the facilities. All of them supply fundamental facilities explicitly self-catering facilities, television room, washing machines, Internet and wifi. However, while NM offers a restaurant, it is not included in HQ and Eli. In addition, NM also supplies free pool tables and a bar with no curfew.

In conclusion, each hostel has its own benefits. Habitat HQ lies opposite to St Kilda Beach, but it is the most expensive, so it is the least feasible for budget backpackers. Nomads, on the other hand, is in the most convenient location and is the easiest to access public transport and attractions. Because it is located in center of Melbourne with the most affordable price, Nomads is the best choice for budget travelers wanting to visit Melbourne.

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I'm not sure about the introduction. Thanks for comments !
Btw, there're total 350 words, but the limit is just 300 words, can you help me reduce some?