Writing Feedback / "No, no, not my brother! Anyone but him!" - narrative essay about my tragedy [3]

Narrative Essay

Brother's Death

It was Monday, a school day. Waking up by the morning light with the thick coffee aroma filling the room, I yawned but was still lying down because of my laziness. I could feel the tender, warm sun wrapping around me. I stood up, nearly tumbling from the loss of balance and dressed for the last day of school. It was a long, hot walk to school.

After school, my friend Linda and I sat at her kitchen table, drinking fresh lemonade, listening to Linda's mom joke about how nervous Linda was about doing well in her final exams. Afterward, we planed to walk to the mall, and then watch a movie. Shortly, we were interrupted by a phone call from my cousin Noreen. I assumed she was calling to check up on the latest news about my baby brother.

Noreen proceeded to tell me that the ambulance had come and taken my baby brother. The horror began. I tearfully asked, "Is he ok?" With hesitancy and a sorrow filled voice she said, "He's dead". I screamed over and over again, "No, no, not my brother! Anyone but him!" and I broke down, crying.

I felt as if I was paralyzed, I felt like I was suffocating; as if a giant hand was clamped around my heart. I had a blank look on my face. Afterward, my family and some friends came for the funeral. I was standing in the middle of the family room, as the words "He's dead" pierced my heart like daggers of ice. I started crying in disbelief and then, ran to my mother's room screaming and yelling. The realization that I would never see him again painfully struck me.

It was hectic after my brother's death. It took my mom and me 2 years to get through a day without crying. The grief of losing a brother is something no one understands unless they have experienced it. It is amazing how many things we take for granted. We make plans for the day, and do not think twice about how those plans can be taken away in the blink of an eye.

Writing Feedback / 'College pressures' - on Illustration, narrative, cause, effect, contrast, compare. [3]

My prof asked to write simple paragraphs and its hard for me to write well developed simple paragraph..how do you think i did and help me with any suggestions.

Illustration
Many college students face a number of pressures. For instance, many college students have graduated from high school face a more rigorous regiment of learning. Students also face financial pressures. For example, many students have to pay for their college on their own. Another example of college pressures for students is time pressures. Thus, being a college student can be very rewarding but there may also be a lot of pressures that need to be dealt with.

Narrative
It was about 4 after noon I was at my friend's house and the phone rang. I saw it was my cousin calling to ask about my new baby brother. She proceeded to tell me that the ambulance had come and took him. Then the horror began I asked he's ok right. With sorrow in her voice she said he's dead. Meanwhile, I started crying and disbelief. Later my family gathered and remembered the day that I recall as the worst day of my life in the short seventeen years I had been alive.

Cause
There are several reasons for doing volunteer work. First and most important, volunteer opportunities often give an inside view of a profession other than the usual. Second, being volunteer helps develop a problem-solving attitude. Last but not least, being a volunteer can provide fabulous opportunities. In conclusion, Volunteering can be an awesome and incredible experience.

Effect
There are many effects of diabetes. One important effect is heart disease. Another result is Nerve damage. Third outcome is diabetes is the new cases of blindness among adults. In conclusion, Living with diabetes is a matter of taking control over the disease and preventing complications.

Persuasion
People should recycle everything. First and most important, recycling preserves our resources and protects wildlife. Second, recycling reduces the need for more landfills. Last but not least, recycling is good for the economy. Therefore, recycling benefits everybody, and takes only a little trash-sorting to put into effect.

Contrast
There are three major differences between live on campus and off campus. First of all, day students can plan for themselves, unlike dorm students need to follow the rules of the campus. Second, dorm students have the same schedule every day that provide them a healthy lifestyle. In contrast living at home is relaxing, but too relaxing can be a bad thing. Finally, off-campus student is more responsible. While dorm student is depending on the school and the surrounding area. In conclusion, living on or off campus can drastically change college experience in many ways.

Compare
There are three important similarities between Harry Potter and Twilight. First of all, both fantasy novels were written by young mothers who had no inkling how popular their imaginary worlds would become. A second similarity is both have protagonists who prefer their fantasy existence to the mundane family life at home. Finally, both succeed because they follow the guidelines for compelling series. In sum, they are both unique in their different ways, and they will always be known as two highly influential literary works in history.