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Posts by icemaster2340
Joined: Dec 6, 2008
Last Post: Oct 11, 2010
Threads: 14
Posts: 34  

From: Vancouver

Displayed posts: 48 / page 2 of 2
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icemaster2340   
Jan 6, 2009
Undergraduate / Father's love is deep and silent, and always there it is; he influenced me [5]

just the ending... if i may suggest a variation.

Love is to care, to understand and to inherit. Father's love is deep and silent, yet it is always there. He teaches me unyieldingness, loyalty, perserverance, and love of a man. But had I been faced with the same choice, i would choose to spend more time with my children and not to let them miss what I had missed.

Just a slight variation, but i always liked to end with some reference to myself.
icemaster2340   
Jan 6, 2009
Undergraduate / Miracle. The birth of a new child. International Baccalaureate Admission paper. [2]

A 500-word biography that outlines your educational and extracurricular interests. Please include an explanation of why you wish to participate in the International Baccalaureate program and what you believe you could contribute.

Please give some advice to what I wrote. I am in serious trouble. I did not do so well on the previous term so its going to show up badly this paper and the test are the only cards i can play now. Please also see if you could make it a little more descriptive but at the same time shorter. Thanks a lot.

Here it is:

On the dawn of October 21st, 1994, all was silent. Everyone was still in their own dreams. But in a hospital, there was a frenzy of activities. It was a miracle which doctors witness every so often. The birth of a new child.

Yep you guessed it. That child was me. I was born, on the rainy morning of October 21st, 1994. I was wrapped in cloth, carried by a nurse, sucking on my thumb, not knowing the incredible path in life God had chosen for me.

Ever since I was a little boy, my family moved around a lot. At the age of 4, we moved from China, where I was born, to England. There we lived for a year or so. There, we moved to Singapore. We spent eight years there, in which I pretty much grew into a teenager. Then, about a year ago, we packed up our luggage once more, and moved to Canada. All this moving around caused me to become deeply interested in cultures and history. After all, whenever we moved to a new place, I got to trace its cultures and customs. Then I wanted to learn more. First it was only Chinese and Asian history. Then I became curious with European history as well. Now that we moved to Canada, I have found interest in Canadian history too. All this, with a good memory, has ensured me an "A" in social studies all the way till the end of grade 8.

As I grew up, my parents gave me tough math questions to do. As a result, I found a deep interest in Math as well. When I am free, I'll constantly look for math questions to challenge myself.

My main hobby has always been reading. From science fiction to historical novels, from biographies to study guides, I loved to read all of them. You could never see me without a book in my bag, no matter what the occasion. As for sports, I enjoy tabletennis, cross country running, and taekwondo. Thanks to long hours of practice, I secured a silver medal for sparing in the Master Cup taekwondo Championships. It was one of the proudest achievements in my life.

I also have a deep interest in music. I began learning to play the piano at the age of 7 and recently secured my grade 7 certificate. After I came to Canada, I also learned to play guitar and drums. Many a time I faced struggles trying to learn a new piece on the piano or enduring pain on my fingers while playing the guitar. But I persevered. Thus, whenever I am faced with a setback in my studies, I would think to myself "This is nothing compared to learning how to play the guitar from scratch!" and I would be able to pull through.

Ultimately, I have a love for learning. As far as my memory goes, I had an unquenchable thirst for knowledge. This thirst for knowledge made me very curious about the IB program. I realize that this is an opportunity for me to be challenged not just at a district or national level, but on international standards.

Thus, like a knight searching for the Holy Grail, like a treasure hunter looking for lost gold, I am looking to IB as a new source for gaining knowledge. To me, IB is a fountain that would quench my thirst for knowledge, just for the time being.
icemaster2340   
Dec 7, 2008
Writing Feedback / Is christopher columbus a great historical figure? [5]

The name Christopher Columbus is widely known indeed. For the past few centuries, he has been known as a great discoverer- The Admiral of the Ocean Sea, and a great historical figure. But yet, many people claimed that Christopher Columbus' treatment of Taino Indians was not something a great person would do. Thus many debates have resulted. When I heard about his treatment to the people he found, I am inclined to agree that he is not such a great historical figure after all.

Greatness lies not in being strong, but in the right use of strength. (Henry Ward Beecher) This quote is the best reason that I feel Christopher Columbus is not fit to be a great historical figure. His treatment of the Taino people was unjust beyond reason. He took many of them as slaves, killed many more, and exploited them. He also stole the reward of sighting land from Bermejo by claiming he saw a distant light hours earlier.

Some people might say that greatness does not mean that you have to do the right thing. They claim that even Hitler is a great historical figure as he did something no one else ever did. However, I think that a truly great historical figure would have integrity too. With great power comes great responsibility. Hitler had persecuted the Jews to a great extent, and Columbus had killed off lots of Taino people as well. Thus I feel that neither Hitler nor Columbus acted responsibly with the power they had.

Just as Christopher Columbus mistakenly thought that he was in Asia, I think that some people are also mistaken about Columbus being a great historical figure. He had claimed that he was trying to spread Christianity to the Tainos. Yet he killed and enslaved them without any second thoughts. Is that something a Christian would do? I hope not.

I was supposed to write this essay as a socials assignment. Please tell me your thoughts :)

ohh and lastly our teacher told us we must only write one page doublespaced, which explains why this is so short.
icemaster2340   
Dec 6, 2008
Essays / Effects of internet on students and their studies [7]

And try to write a good conclusion that will leave the reader thinking- about what you said.
My english teacher also told me to start with a hook when you begin. you could use statistics or a short story, or philosophies, just get the reader to read on!
icemaster2340   
Dec 6, 2008
Writing Feedback / It's Unfair: Why is bullying getting more and more common? [4]

Hi I am a grade 9 student and i have to do an essay on something that is not fair. heres what I got. Please give me some comments after you read it. (Oh and by the way, my name is Richard)

It's not fair: Why bullying is getting more and more common
"He smashed into the locker at full force. The bully strode calmly towards him and pulled him up close, till they were almost touching noses. He could see the nicotine-stained teeth and lips forming into a cold sneer. When the bully spoke, he could smell tobacco in his breath. 'Think you are so tough huh? You've better have the twenty dollars ready tomorrow. Or else...' The bully spat at his feet and sauntered off." Have you ever seen, heard or experienced an incident similar to this? Recent statistics showed that 77% of the kids admitted to have been bullied. Also, 282,000 students are physically attacked in secondary schools each month. And the most disturbing statistic: 100,000 students carry a gun to school. Bullying is increasingly viewed as an important contributor to youth violence, including homicide and suicide. Case studies of the shooting at Columbine High School and other U.S. schools have suggested that bullying was a factor in many of the incidents. However, I still feel that there is a chance for this issue to be resolved.

Bullying causes both the victims and the bully to get affected, either physically or emotionally. Victims could get hurt when they refused to do what the bully wants. This is a method for bullies to get what they want from reluctant but weak people. Victims could also get emotionally scarred when bullies intimidate them to the point of breaking down. Also the bully could get more and more emotionally unstable after bullying people for a long time. Studies have shown that most of the bullies who liked to intimidate people when they are young would continue to do so when they grow up. Thus the bullies would be affected emotionally as well.

Perhaps the best way to prevent you from being bullied is through standing up against the bullies. Of course, people always say that we should treat everyone equally, but I know that it is easier said than done. Sometimes even I have trouble treating everyone equally. However, If you let bullies stomp over you like some dirt on the ground, well, they will treat you like dirt too. Standing up against bullies works because at heart, bullies are just cowards who only dare to intimidate people who are too scared to retaliate. And they know it.

There is no excuse for bullying. Some people might think that it is 'cool' to make fun of others, but making fun of others weaker that you should not be thought of as 'cool'. Similarly, people bully others to gain respect and acceptance into their gang of friends. Well, if these 'friends' require you to bully someone in order for them to respect you, they are not the kind of friends you should have. Some people also bully others because they get bullied themselves and want to get vengeance. Well, vengeance never solves anything. In this case, it just makes the situation worse. There are many more reasons that I have not listed out, but as I said before, none of them are valid.

His heart sank as he saw the bully walking towards him once more. Here goes nothing. The bully sauntered towards him and gave him a shove. "Well? Where is my money, geek?" He demanded. "I'm not giving you a single penny!" he replied, shocked by his own courage. Realizing it was too late, he continued on. "What makes you think that you are so good? That you can push everyone around? Underneath your physical appearance, you are just a fat coward!" He realized that he had gone too far. The bully took a threatening step towards him. Just then, the principal appeared. "Is there a problem boys?" he asked sternly. "No sir, not at all." The bully stammered. "This isn't over, geek!"the bully whispered as he took off as quickly as he could. Yet, Richard felt a sense of joy knowing that he had stood up against the bully and that it is finally over. Most cases of bullying ends within 20 seconds after a third party steps in and interferes. So the next time you see someone being bullied and too afraid to stand up against the bullies, do not just walk away, step in and do something positive!
icemaster2340   
Dec 6, 2008
Grammar, Usage / Styles of Writing assignment - strenghts and weaknesses of an author's style? [5]

Just a friendly, non-professional suggestion:

Why don't you choose a author that you know well, and have read many of his works. Then, maybe you will be able to understand his strenghts and weakness better. maybe its a little obivious but i had to write about and author once and i chose one which i know the best.

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