imeon
Feb 22, 2012
Undergraduate / 'to grow and evolve in all areas' - National Student Exchange Application Essay [3]
as Fida said, there are too many places mentioned and also the repetition of a word makes your sentence long. You should avoid that. And try to be focused on one subject, and make it generalized not so specific.
As you said there's no given maximum number of words right? So be proud that you made that essay longer, may have a bit erasure but, the fullness and the idea was there, so you have to be grateful ! :)
Try also to read mine ! :D
"the consequences of high-level technology and its positive effect on family life"
--- imeon :)
as Fida said, there are too many places mentioned and also the repetition of a word makes your sentence long. You should avoid that. And try to be focused on one subject, and make it generalized not so specific.
As you said there's no given maximum number of words right? So be proud that you made that essay longer, may have a bit erasure but, the fullness and the idea was there, so you have to be grateful ! :)
Try also to read mine ! :D
"the consequences of high-level technology and its positive effect on family life"
--- imeon :)
