Posts by Sikhar

Sikhar

Feb 23, 2012

Undergraduate / 'Beautiful, diverse, and ranked on top' - UCF Admissions [6]

Yeah I agree, the only problem is I'm really bad at expressing my voice through writing

Sikhar

Feb 23, 2012

Undergraduate / 'Beautiful, diverse, and ranked on top' - UCF Admissions [6]

The limit for this one is 250 words

Sikhar

Feb 23, 2012

Scholarship / Leadership, Service, and Success Scholarship [2]

Hey!
So this essay is amazing! Great vocabulary and spectacular imagery! However, there are just a few punctuational/grammatical errors so you can take these into consideration if you would like:

-no comma is needed after the word "descent" in line 3 (so it would be "...Vietnamese descent lead to...")
-instead of the ; after "I ostracized myself from society", try rephrasing that to say "...myself from society. Coping with my misery, I turned to drugs such as...")

-try changing line 5 to say "...took a risk and jumped feet first into uncharted water by joining an advanced..."
-try rephrasing line 7 to say "By interacting with people of different cultures throughout this experience, I am now more thoughtful and accept individuals for..."

-line 8: "heightening" should be changed to "heighten"
-line 9: change "biologist" to "biology"
-line 10: rephrase the sentence to say "...I will challenge myself to experience and understand the knowledge and cultural values..."
-"Likewise, attaining the skills to becoming a global ambassador to my institution and future establishments." is an incomplete sentence; it is just a phrase.

-Try changing the second sentence of the fourth paragraph to: "I am involved in extracurricular activities such as producing cinematography in the film club and participating in simplistic dancing and theatrical productions, all of which I plan to continue during my study abroad."

-Paragraph 4 Line 4- change "fundraisers" to "fundraising"

Your essay and accomplishments are impressive, I wish you luck!

Sikhar

Feb 22, 2012

Undergraduate / 'Beautiful, diverse, and ranked on top' - UCF Admissions [6]

1. Why did you choose to apply to UCF?

Beautiful, diverse, and ranked one of the top universities in Florida, University of Central Florida has been my dream school since I moved to Miami in 2006. Born and raised a New Yorker, adapting to Florida was a life-changing experience. Instead of snowstorms, I had to adjust to hurricanes. What was once a view of a thousand skyscrapers outside my window became a thousand palm trees surrounding bright blue water. The changes were so drastic that I immediately decided that I wanted to move back to New York for college. A few months later, be that as it may, I decided that as an adult, I would really love to pursue psychology. When I overheard one of my teachers discussing UCF and how the accredited university was growing in size and rank, I decided to do some research. What I found was a university whose largest department is psychology, offers several internships, practice, research, and learning activities for that very profession, and is just a few hours away from my family. The more I learned about this school, the more enticed I became with it. Today, UCF appears to be the perfect school for me in every possible aspect, especially now that my transition to Florida life is complete. I am certain that this school will provide me with the best possible education, the opportunity to become independent and to discover myself as an individual, and simultaneously create a scholarly yet lively atmosphere.