cortesfelipe
Feb 29, 2012
Undergraduate / "If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great". - Determined Brazilian [5]
There is no essay question. It is an essay about yourself.
I edited the essay, please let me know how it is now and how should I change.
Thanks
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I am an 18 years old man, born and raised in Brazil, currently living in Belleville, NJ. I have played sports my entire life but my real passion is entrepreneurship. I always try to reach beyond my comfort zone, being determined to achieve my goals. In addition, I also like to create and grow investments, but for me, the best feeling is being able to inspire myself and others. It amazes me how inspiration is what drives us towards success.
Living almost my entire life with just my father, I was consistently influenced to play soccer and become a business man. As a soccer player, I played in Brazil as well as in several states of the US, accumulating a lot of medals and playing against people from all over the world. As a business person, my life started after reading the book "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" when I was a little kid. At the age of 15 I sold my first online business and at the age of 17 I created and sold a website after reaching 1,000,000 views. Although not huge sales, those ventures proved my passion and the path I was going to follow.
By focusing on my personal development, I'm aware of how important it is to be a student. Therefore, school has always been major to me. Since 1st grade, I was already attracted to numbers, but was in High School that I fell in love with Math. Consequently, I can say with confidence, that Algebra, Calculus and Geometry as well as Chemistry were my strongest specialties during school.
Furthermore, after my sophomore year at High School, with the ambition of finishing High School early, I went back to Brazil to do in one semester what I was supposed to do in 2 years. Last year, for 6 months, I hustled to pass at one of the best Private High School in the state of Sao Paulo. I was successful, although the time constraints slightly lowered my average. It was a wonderful experience for me to study for far more subjects than I would have studied in a High School in United States.
Finally, I'm seeking admission at Montclair State University because one of my goals for this year is to attend a university that offers a challenging business major, a comfortable on campus housing and the social resources to have fun while studying what I love. Thus, after a campus tour that made me fell in love with the school, Montclair became my number one choice when it comes to achieve my academic expectations.
There is no essay question. It is an essay about yourself.
I edited the essay, please let me know how it is now and how should I change.
Thanks
------
I am an 18 years old man, born and raised in Brazil, currently living in Belleville, NJ. I have played sports my entire life but my real passion is entrepreneurship. I always try to reach beyond my comfort zone, being determined to achieve my goals. In addition, I also like to create and grow investments, but for me, the best feeling is being able to inspire myself and others. It amazes me how inspiration is what drives us towards success.
Living almost my entire life with just my father, I was consistently influenced to play soccer and become a business man. As a soccer player, I played in Brazil as well as in several states of the US, accumulating a lot of medals and playing against people from all over the world. As a business person, my life started after reading the book "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" when I was a little kid. At the age of 15 I sold my first online business and at the age of 17 I created and sold a website after reaching 1,000,000 views. Although not huge sales, those ventures proved my passion and the path I was going to follow.
By focusing on my personal development, I'm aware of how important it is to be a student. Therefore, school has always been major to me. Since 1st grade, I was already attracted to numbers, but was in High School that I fell in love with Math. Consequently, I can say with confidence, that Algebra, Calculus and Geometry as well as Chemistry were my strongest specialties during school.
Furthermore, after my sophomore year at High School, with the ambition of finishing High School early, I went back to Brazil to do in one semester what I was supposed to do in 2 years. Last year, for 6 months, I hustled to pass at one of the best Private High School in the state of Sao Paulo. I was successful, although the time constraints slightly lowered my average. It was a wonderful experience for me to study for far more subjects than I would have studied in a High School in United States.
Finally, I'm seeking admission at Montclair State University because one of my goals for this year is to attend a university that offers a challenging business major, a comfortable on campus housing and the social resources to have fun while studying what I love. Thus, after a campus tour that made me fell in love with the school, Montclair became my number one choice when it comes to achieve my academic expectations.