Undergraduate / UT ESSAYS - Leadership, Setback, Challenge [5]

the first essay...you kept mentioning "the club", what is this club?

Frankly, i think you need to revise the whole thing (i.e. essay 1),it sounds like you're harboring ill feelings about whomsoever said they didn't like the t-shirt...you def. don't want an admissions officer thinking that.

the second essay...you sound like a rebel...yes you want to follow your own path but you should present it in a better way...in a way that shows your good qualities not in a way that says to any admissions officer "i don't care what my parents think"...not that i'm saying that's how you are but, that's how it came across...you should place more emphasis on why you want to major in Business, why do you feel passionately about it? what do you have to offer? link your qualities to the major (strong, ambitious, independent)

the third essay...i didn't read all of it but i can tell by the first phrase "Once a pond a time" (should read: Once upon a time) that English isn't your first language?

edit: oops, i'm sorry the deadline was last monday, i hope you sought help before submitting them.

Undergraduate / Doing research with professors - What is most appealing about Columbia [7]

"in the late 1940s and during his time, Columbia offered one of the best Economics programs"
and?...does it uphold that standard?

Lissa

Undergraduate / "Catia - My role model" - Opinion... Admission Essay [6]

i think you should make the first few sentences more interesting; say something that will grab the readers attention...however good essay! ^_^

Undergraduate / Different viewpoints - what do you find most appealing about columbia [6]

i agree with kids_jessy,
are you applying to Columbia... University? Knowing that it is a highly selective Ivy League school, you want to impress them ...In fact you should aim to impress any college/university you are applying to, and that was not impressing.

i advise that you redraft your piece with the ideas that kids_jessy gave you or even creative ideas of your own...

Lissa ^_^

Essays / Ethical dilemma experienced, essay ideas needed [10]

i'm confused...what exactly is your problem?

Undergraduate / 'family of teachers'; how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations. [2]

Hi tonydengcnu,

I'd make the opening more concise:

I was born to a family of teachers; my parents are both college teachers and both my grandmothers are elementary school teachers.

when i read the first paragraph i was unable to link the above ^ ,to the next part of the paragraph: On holidays, the whole family go climbing, have picnic on the grass, play water on the beach, and enjoy the beauty of nature. We spend happy time together and this sweet memory clings to my mind for ever.

what does one have to do with the other, i.e. what does you being born to a family of teachers have to do with going on holidays...?

My parents endeavored to create a forgiving and encouraging family environment for me...
...cared more about whether I exerted myself,...

yes, you want to use colorful vocabulary in your essay but you have to use them appropriately.

Lissa ^_^

Undergraduate / 'No time to take care of me' - the environment in which you were raised [4]

hey gracetm,
this is my suggestion:

She wanted to be a heroine since she was eight. Everyday after school, she hid behind a camphor tree near the only river winding through her small town, waiting, for someone to fall in. She kept picturing that if a kid fell in, she would jump in and sacrifice her own life to save the kid, though she could not swim.

Mummy's childhood fantasy did not come true, but she found a better way to achieve her dreams. She became a journalist; a job that consumed the rest of her life as she worked ceaselessly for years. While pregnant, she still wrote and interviewed for a monograph, which resulted in a frequent scare of abortion. Did it happen? She composed thousands of reports, and called for justice for millions of people, but like many other career-oriented women, she was forsaken by her husband.

Busy with her work, mom left me with my grandparents. I hardly slept with my mom, even on Chinese New Year's Eve; when every household throughout the country had the biggest family feast together, and even when I was sick, mom was at the office; writing reports.

Her dream was fulfilled when workers' hardships were voiced and justice was served. Sustaining her seemingly lonely life for all these years was her love and dedication to the society. With age; I realized that I too, should take the responsibility, and devote my life to the community I live in, because I truly feel that there is not much we could ask for in this world, but by giving we gain the greatest happiness.

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