JustJeff
Mar 15, 2012
JustJeff
Mar 15, 2012
Writing Feedback / Narrative paragraph on "The worst Job I ever Had" [3]
I am a first year student at a local community college, This is my first semester and I am taking the class Writing 1, the assignment is to write a narrative paragraph on the worst job I have ever had. This is what I have come up with. I would like some advice on any changes I should make.
I also need help coming up with a strong concluding sentence for the paragraph.
Thank you in advance, Jeff
My Worst Employment Experience
In the spring of 2003 I worked for a tyrannical little man named Tom, I had answered an ad on the Internet for an heavy equipment operator, for at the time I was a good one. Now, I should have known that the job was not desirable, for the lack of local interest, and the company's felt need to advertise on the Internet for out of state employees during a time of economic downturn. I traveled to South Carolina with the promise of fare wages and decent hours and good equipment, this was but a few of the half truths I had in store for me. Tom lived the dream that all his problems were caused by the errors of his operators and placed no blame on the ill maintained, tired equipment; all of which were well beyond the rebuild lifespan. The first day I worked for Tom, I was assigned to ride with an operator; whom, promptly did not show up for work, so I took the machine, for which I was quite qualified to operate and went to the job site. Half way through the day, a major mechanical malfunction occurred with the tired machine I was assigned. I having had the experience of a good operator of 5 years, promptly repaired the machine and continued the day without incident. When I returned to the shop I was met with screaming and belittlement, of which no man or woman deserved, especially that of a person who had saved the owner of the fleet hundreds if not thousands of dollars by making an on site repair instead of waiting for the response of a mechanic. This was the first of many such episodes I witnessed while working for Tom. I abruptly ended my employment due to unsafe equipment, unfair and biased job assignments, as well as the daily belittlement's from the selfish, hypocritical, harassing, business owner. <I am having trouble coming up with a strong concluding sentance>
I am a first year student at a local community college, This is my first semester and I am taking the class Writing 1, the assignment is to write a narrative paragraph on the worst job I have ever had. This is what I have come up with. I would like some advice on any changes I should make.
I also need help coming up with a strong concluding sentence for the paragraph.
Thank you in advance, Jeff
My Worst Employment Experience
In the spring of 2003 I worked for a tyrannical little man named Tom, I had answered an ad on the Internet for an heavy equipment operator, for at the time I was a good one. Now, I should have known that the job was not desirable, for the lack of local interest, and the company's felt need to advertise on the Internet for out of state employees during a time of economic downturn. I traveled to South Carolina with the promise of fare wages and decent hours and good equipment, this was but a few of the half truths I had in store for me. Tom lived the dream that all his problems were caused by the errors of his operators and placed no blame on the ill maintained, tired equipment; all of which were well beyond the rebuild lifespan. The first day I worked for Tom, I was assigned to ride with an operator; whom, promptly did not show up for work, so I took the machine, for which I was quite qualified to operate and went to the job site. Half way through the day, a major mechanical malfunction occurred with the tired machine I was assigned. I having had the experience of a good operator of 5 years, promptly repaired the machine and continued the day without incident. When I returned to the shop I was met with screaming and belittlement, of which no man or woman deserved, especially that of a person who had saved the owner of the fleet hundreds if not thousands of dollars by making an on site repair instead of waiting for the response of a mechanic. This was the first of many such episodes I witnessed while working for Tom. I abruptly ended my employment due to unsafe equipment, unfair and biased job assignments, as well as the daily belittlement's from the selfish, hypocritical, harassing, business owner. <I am having trouble coming up with a strong concluding sentance>