Posts by krystal

krystal_19

Mar 25, 2012

Scholarship / (Abode / No Talent / Christianity / My Brother) - Scholarship and Statement [4]

Both the essay and personal statement are really good.
disadvantageous-disadvantaged

my parents literally sleep on a mattress on the floor of the master bedroom's closet.
Literally can be taken out because you described how your parents sleep on the mattress floor and it can already be inferred that you are talking about it in a literal sense.

Whereas I work hard and continually push myself, my brothers do just enough. Maybe you can change this to whereas I work hard and challenge my myself to go beyond what is expected while my brothers only do what is required of them.That's just one suggestion but I think you can reword that sentence.

~~They're still smart~~ , but they don't have my diligent character, ~~endless work ethic~~ , or high aspirations.Being diligent means that you take great care in doing tasks/jobs so you don't have to add having an endless work ethic.What exactly do you mean by you have an endless work ethic?Do you have a never ending list of principles that you go by when it comes to working?I think that you should take the "endless work ethic" part out completely but if you want to keep it be more specific.Do not talk about how they are still "smart" because that is off topic.Maybe you can say something about they have goals but they are more passive about going after them and you are more aggressive when it comes to reaching your goals.

krystal_19

Mar 21, 2012

Undergraduate / 'The question WHY' - UIC personal statement [2]

Essay prompt-This is the opportunity for you to tell us more about yourself and your goals or interest in a particular field of study, your readiness for college, preparedness for the major, as well as your activities and accomplishments. Explain any personal experience, responsibilities and/or challenges that have impacted you or your academic achievements and/or your choice of career. Please be as detailed as possible.

Is this a good start?
As a child I always asked my mother the question "why."I believed there was a underlying reason to everything someone said or did.My why questions annoyed my mother and she would often tell me there is no reason why, that's just the way things are.I did not believe her but I stopped coming to her with my "why" questions.She wanted me to break out of the habit of asking why but I could not shake it.So I began to ask other people my why questions,it did not annoy them at all.People's motives behind their action interests me and I have a strong desire for answers.As I got a little older, I began to notice that one of my family members was demonstrating abnormal behavior.One example, of this abnormal behavior was that she would talk to her self.I did not understand why she was talking to herself because she looked "normal" on the outside. I later found out that she suffered from schizophrenia. By majoring in Psychology I believe it will help answer my "why" questions, allow me to help those with mental illnesses, and understand people more.

It is voluntary but I really believe my personal statement may help get into the the school so I want it to be good.