Graduate / My resolve to study finance was a direct consequence of failure in business I experienced [2]

Please urgent help needed. The deadline for my application is drawing near and I need some help on my sop. All corrections and suggestions for improvement will be much appreciated. Thanks.

Question:
Personal statement of no more than 800 words (I think am currently at 856 words, need some help in shortening it), describing your personal motivation to undertake further study. It can include details of your personal circumstances as well as your life and work experiences.

STATEMENT OF PURPOSE - MSC FINANCE
Pursuing a master's degree in finance was the most natural decision I could come to after my undergraduate program at the Kwame Nkrumah University of Science and Technology (KNUST). However, selecting a university where I could pursue this degree did not come easy. I wanted to attend a university that offered a comprehensive finance program that constituted a real blend of theory and practice in a multicultural and student enabled environment. After a thorough review of the course structure and student community at the University of Melbourne, I was convinced that this was the university for me.

My resolve to study finance was a direct consequence of failure in business I experienced in high school. The concept of owning and running a company was something that always excited me. Thus, in high school I decided with two friends to set up a rubber recycling business. We would collect all the discarded plastic waste, bag them and sell to any rubber processing company that wanted it. It failed. And we realised, at least I did, that our lack of financial knowledge was our undoing. I came to appreciate that a solid understanding of finance was necessary for the success of any business. At that moment, a keen interest in finance was birthed in me.

Moved by this interest I pursued Actuarial Science at the undergraduate level. I did not pursue a finance degree at that level because at the time I had a bias for risk management due to the failure of my first venture in high school. Though that venture failed not because of some unreasonable risk we took, I felt that knowledge in risk management would be quite beneficial to me, considering my career aspirations. But I quickly realised that I was more inclined to the finance courses in my program, like corporate finance and mathematics of finance and investment. And though my second year grade in some of these courses was not the best, my interest in finance was unabated. I discovered after close self-assessment that it was not enough knowing a few formulas and being able to calculate certain parameters, but rather coupling such knowledge with a firm understanding of the financial theories governing them and how they apply to real life problems. After much study my grades in the third and fourth years improved immensely. Driven by this, I based my final year thesis on derivatives, particularly options. I led my project team in developing an application using Visual Basic for Applications in excel that was able to calculate option prices using both the Black-Scholes and Binomial option pricing methods.

My life experiences have created in me a strong desire to make a difference wherever I find myself. So when the opportunity came to run for class president, I did so without hesitation. I won the election and owing to my excellent work ethic and leadership skills I remained class president till the completion of my undergraduate program. As an undergraduate I had the privilege to serve as the organising secretary and president in my second and third years respectively, of a renowned student music group known as Gospel Explosion. Some of our activities included evangelistic and educational outreaches to high schools and societal change projects. One of such projects we undertook was a sickle cell awareness campaign that lasted three years. In my tenure of office, we successfully brought the project to an end. Our task was two pronged: one was to organise a music concert that would enable us raise funds in support of the sickle cell foundation in Ghana and the other; to find effective ways of creating sickle cell awareness. It was quite challenging but due to hard work and persistence we were able to achieve our goals. I am currently undertaking my National Service as a teaching assistance in the mathematics department of KNUST where my duties include organising tutorials and lab sessions, marking and recording tests and assignments and assisting in research work.

Poverty is of great concern to me. In Africa, especially in my country, there are a lot of people that live just under a dollar. And a number of humanitarian groups, countries and individuals are trying to help the situation. With the recent discovery of oil, hopes are high that living standards will become better. However, lack of proper structures and mismanagement may dash these hopes. I desire then to return after my studies to contribute my knowledge in structuring a financial environment that would boost economic growth. As part of my goals I want to build a solid career in finance, promote financial literacy and create businesses that would aid in poverty alleviation.

The career oriented nature of the University of Melbourne, its desire to produce graduates who are prepared for the job market, its academic reputation and excellent faculty with a nice mix of industry practitioners and researchers makes the university quite appealing. It is an epitome of all that I desire to have with respect to higher education and when accepted I believe I would be a valuable addition to this prestigious university.