Undergraduate / UGA Essay: Interesting Story. [2]

It had to be 150-250 words and the topic was asking about an interesting story about myself. Please give me some grammar tips and comments on the writing.

Elizabeth slammed the tiller in a swift arc across the boat attempting to fight the screaming wind. It was another Sunday race; Elizabeth was skipper, I was crew, and my friend Dani was the invaluable "dead weight." While Elizabeth saw only the image of crossing the finish line first, Dani had no idea as to its location. In a boat with these two extremes, I was determined to succeed but also aware that the true reason for the race was enjoying the experience. We rounded downwind mark first; as the boat heeled, Dani cheered in excitement. Elizabeth and I remained serious as we arched over the thrashing water, aware that the win was not definite. No less than 50 meters from the finish line a gust of wind blew over the boat into a full capsize. As we rolled into the water I could hear Dani's shriek, Elizabeth's scorn, and the blasts of the fog horn as other boats crossed the finish line. I couldn't help but laugh. After a short struggle the boat was returned to its proper position and by orders of Elizabeth, our "dead weight" began to bail water out of the boat as we sailed across the finish line. We never gave up, and in our own way, we won the race.

Undergraduate / 'Cape Cod Sea Camps' - Summer Camp Essay [7]

The ropes gnaw at my palms, rubbing against the hardened calluses that lace my fingertips. My feet slip across the boat as I pull the tiller toward my chest, the boat swaying violently as wind fills the sail, thrusting the boat almost effortlessly through the warm waters of Cape Cod Bay. We were finishing the final race of the weekly camp sailing competition, but this one held more importance than those of the other six weeks. My camper Alex, an eleven year old boy from Spain, was sailing crew in my boat.

Sometimes it is odd to think that a kid could have such an impact on me as Alex did. In that sailing race, Alex pushed me to confront both the metaphorical and literal wind. It was more than determination to win the race, it was determination to become someone to look up to.

Before this past summer, which I spent as an Assistant Counselor at Cape Cod Sea Camps, I never really understood what it felt like to be looked up to. When Alex presented me with a wampum (a polished quahog shell given to the person that has influenced your summer the most), I realized the impact I could have on people. During the seven and a half weeks I spent as a counselor, I learned just as much as my campers did. I was more than just their counselor - I was their mentor, sailing instructor, swim coach, and their best friend. Living with these kids, who were each unbelievably unique, changed me resolutely.

My campers, especially Alex, drove me to be the best I could be; for them and myself. The night in which Alex called me down to the stage in front of the entire camp to present me with a wampum was surreal. I was not expecting anything from him or anyone else; the feeling was indescribable. Making my way down to the stage to have Alex hug my waist was truly a life altering experience. To know that this kid looked up to me and that I actually changed his life - changed mine.

Although I grew up in Florida, I spent two months every summer in Cape Cod; first as a camper, and later as a junior counselor. The campers there came from all over and I was no longer in my small town of Delray Beach. Throughout my six years at Cape Cod Sea Camps, I was blessed with the opportunity to experience the personalities and cultures of a diverse group of people. This experience made me aware of the developing strengths of my own individuality. Within day to day relationships, I was unable to see the subtle changes that occurred in my own personality. However, when reunited with friends after a year's time, it became clear how strongly time shapes and influences us as individuals.

As I look back on my formative years, I realize now that I was meant to be a team leader. I was raised with good morals and I exercise them in everyday life by trying my hardest to live life to the fullest, whether it be in the classroom or the campground.

Upon admission, the life skills that I have learned can only be magnified and will be given a chance to flourish, thereby permitting me to reach my full potential. The small but significant impact that I made on Alex and he on me has become an integral part of my being and something that I would like to contribute to others!

Any suggestions, comments, or corrections would be very helpful!!!