The ropes gnaw at my palms, rubbing against the hardened calluses that lace my fingertips. My feet slip across the boat as I pull the tiller toward my chest, the boat swaying violently as wind fills the sail, thrusting the boat almost effortlessly through the warm waters of Cape Cod Bay. We were finishing the final race of the weekly camp sailing competition, but this one held more importance than those of the other six weeks. My camper Alex, an eleven year old boy from Spain, was sailing crew in my boat.
Sometimes it is odd to think that a kid could have such an impact on me as Alex did. In that sailing race, Alex pushed me to confront both the metaphorical and literal wind. It was more than determination to win the race, it was determination to become someone to look up to.
Before this past summer, which I spent as an Assistant Counselor at Cape Cod Sea Camps, I never really understood what it felt like to be looked up to. When Alex presented me with a wampum (a polished quahog shell given to the person that has influenced your summer the most), I realized the impact I could have on people. During the seven and a half weeks I spent as a counselor, I learned just as much as my campers did. I was more than just their counselor - I was their mentor, sailing instructor, swim coach, and their best friend. Living with these kids, who were each unbelievably unique, changed me resolutely.
My campers, especially Alex, drove me to be the best I could be; for them and myself. The night in which Alex called me down to the stage in front of the entire camp to present me with a wampum was surreal. I was not expecting anything from him or anyone else; the feeling was indescribable. Making my way down to the stage to have Alex hug my waist was truly a life altering experience. To know that this kid looked up to me and that I actually changed his life - changed mine.
Although I grew up in Florida, I spent two months every summer in Cape Cod; first as a camper, and later as a junior counselor. The campers there came from all over and I was no longer in my small town of Delray Beach. Throughout my six years at Cape Cod Sea Camps, I was blessed with the opportunity to experience the personalities and cultures of a diverse group of people. This experience made me aware of the developing strengths of my own individuality. Within day to day relationships, I was unable to see the subtle changes that occurred in my own personality. However, when reunited with friends after a year's time, it became clear how strongly time shapes and influences us as individuals.
As I look back on my formative years, I realize now that I was meant to be a team leader. I was raised with good morals and I exercise them in everyday life by trying my hardest to live life to the fullest, whether it be in the classroom or the campground.
Upon admission, the life skills that I have learned can only be magnified and will be given a chance to flourish, thereby permitting me to reach my full potential. The small but significant impact that I made on Alex and he on me has become an integral part of my being and something that I would like to contribute to others!
Any suggestions, comments, or corrections would be very helpful!!!
I forgot to add the topic...the topic was to write about a significant issue in my life and how I would contribute to the university.
Overall a very strong essay. The second half isn't quite as compelling as the first half, though, mostly because you stop showing and start telling, which isn't anywhere near as interesting to read. If word count isn't an issue, you might consider adding another anecdote or two for balance. Otherwise, perhaps you could combine the last three paragraphs into one, cutting out anything that isn't strictly necessary.
Thank you I will work on that...there are no grammatical errors that you spotted?
It was more than determination to win the race; it was determination to become someone to look up to.
My campers, especially Alex, drove me to be the best I could be -- for them, and also for myself.
How is this? Topic is to describe how I gained respect for different Cultures...
Living in a community infused with a variety of cultural backgrounds
has led me to respect the traditions and beliefs of others. At _____
_____, as a white male, I am the minority. My classes are filled with a
wide array of ethnicities such as Haitian, Cuban, Venezuelan, and
Bangladeshi. Attending a school alongside of a diverse group of
students has enhanced my appreciation for different traditions and
beliefs. Living and interacting with people from various cultures
encourages my peers and I to deepen our understanding of others'
upbringings. One of my best friends is Cuban and he introduced me to
the amazing yellow rice, black beans, and plantains that are found on
any Cuban plate. Exposure to the lifestyles of others has enriched my
own life, allowing the experiences of others to seep into my own. The
wide breadth Humanity offers us chances to evaluate our own opinions
and grow as a result of those of others. My own beliefs are constantly
confronted with contrasting ideas, creating a fusion of influences on
my life. Through my community I have been able to dive into the
cultures of others, and emerge with a better understanding of myself.
I like it. It sounds like it has already been polished quite a bit.
