Posts by invot

invot

Apr 18, 2012

Graduate / 'providing care and guidance' - Essay for Physician Assistant Program [6]

My interest in the medical field wasn't realized until later in my life, You're starting on a negative, try starting this with a "though" and ending it with a "but..." or get rid of it. My passion for helping people is what initially attracted me to public health, specifically in learning about HIV/AIDS This needs a lead-in... explain why you were learning about HIV/AIDS in the first palce~~However,it was through life experiences that I realized my passion of becoming a physician assistant.~~There is no clear thesis here. Why are you writing this and why should they pick you? Be clear and hard-hitting.

After obtaining a Bachelor degree in Political Science and Asian Studies from the University of Tennessee, I moved to Washington, DC. Explain why you moved. Here I gained experience in lobbying, researching and advocating for nonprofit HIV/AIDS organizations. I was fortunate enough to attend multiple National Institute of Health symposiums and discussions on this topic. My eagerness to address the HIV-infected population ultimately inspired an education geared towards public health. I started taking courses at George Washington University, S chool of Public Health. It was there that I realized medicine is where my real enthusiasm and love lies.

My current position with the U.S. Department of State's Office of Medical Services continues to pique my interest about medicine. As a Management Analyst for Emergency Preparedness, my experience and skills in leadership and management are essential. My interpersonal skills provide systematic decision-making and management compliances... use a different word to understand causation to problems. Utilizing these traits allows me to prepare for crisis situation around the world. Recently, my expertise was of high importance when supplying vaccination and equipment for a desolate health unit in Juba, South Sudan. Having medical supplies before the health unit allowed our new medical providers to utilize supplies and assist patients in a timely manner. I'm pleased to say, I've been awarded for my services to U.S. Embassies and communities around the world. While employment in the government sector provides professional experiences, it also presented opportunities to learn about various medical fields.

My interest in the Physician Assistant profession started and flourished as I worked alongside my colleagues. In many occasions, I was asked to prepare stress tests, aid in cardiac sonograms and perform physical examinations. In addition, I also organized and attended the Continuing Medical Education (CME) Seminar for U.S. Foreign Service Physician Assistants (PA) and Nurse Practitioners (NP). I've been fortunate to attend the CME hosted by Cleveland Clinic and working with medical providers. These exposures brought forth a realization of how exciting and gratifying a profession as a Physician Assistant will be.

While undergraduate education proved an opportunity to learn about myself, my tenure was spent trying to grasp the concept of studying and managing time. Consequently, grades in the first two years suffered. Nonetheless, I raised my G.P.A. and graduated with a Bachelors degree in Political Science and a minor in Asian Language. Since then, I've managed my time working, studying, and volunteering for the past three years. Undertaking all of these endeavors has been challenging yet my perseverance has been rewarding as I've maintained a 3.7 GP.A.

My goal has always been to make a difference in people's lives by providing care and guidance. The experiences conjunction with what I will learn from your institution will further my clinical skills. I look forward to the opportunity to interview with you and share my experiences in person. Thank you for your time and consideration of my application. I'm confident I will be a good fit and an excellent student in your well-respected Physician Assistant program.

The biggest issue with this is that your thesis is not present in the introduction. Good writers and speakers tell us what they're going to tell us, then tell us, and then tell us what they just told us. Utilize this format.

Secondly, you have achieved a lot in life already and should share how you feel about all of this. Revealing your motivating factors will always help a reader understand you. Why is HIV/AIDS so important to you? Why are you working for the government? What lead you to make the decisions you made?

EDIT:

Yikes... some of my corrections didn't show.

In short, towards the end you mention your bad grades. I would not mention this unless I absolutely have to. And if that's the case, spin it to make it sound like a good thing. Maybe you were so consumed by your passion to help people that you decided to put school on the back-burner for a while.

Secondly, your thesis is all the way at the end of this "My goal is...". Though it should be there, it should also be stated in a different way in the introduction paragraph.

invot

Apr 18, 2012

Graduate / 'providing emotional and physical care to patients' - PA ESSAY [3]

I'm trying to tighten this up mostly. Hope it helps.

~~Ten different places called home in eighteen years.~~Growing up in a military family, it seemed as if we were back to packing as soon as we finished unpacking . However , moving on a regular basis opened up the opportunity to experience a variety of people, cultures, and socio-economic stratospheres. ~~The spectrum of experiences that defined by childhood are highlighted from living in the third-world country of Panama to living in a newly organized European Union.~~

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One of the most vivid memories I have as a child is ~~that of~~ spending Christmas with mentally and physically handicapped children in the jungles of Panama. Explain what you did exactly and for how long, etc. The joy and gratitude on the faces of the children by simple acts of charity and altruism is one that cannot be described in wordstry to or remove this statement... if you can't describe it, don't mention it . Such experiences have opened my heart and instilled altruism, cultural sensitivity, and open-mindedness. Can you give an example of this?~~Coupled with strong Catholic ties, it seemed natural to pursue religious life.~~

These experiences motivated me to become a seminarian for the Diocese of Burlington, Vermont soon after graduating from high school. Talk more about the process. I was often asked why I wanted to serve the people of Vermont. My answer was simple. To serve those who have no one to serve them. make those all one sentence While in the seminary I was able to teach catechesis in several settings, including a parochial school and a special needs class. What did you learn in Seminary?

Though I consider Seminary the most joyous and rewarding time of my life, I knew that it was not my calling, and my faith was telling me to move forward. That is when I enrolled to become a paramedic. Talk about the process. This ushered in the privilege to work in a profession in which I have the responsibility to provide emotional and physical care to patients ~~in the acute setting~~ . As a paramedic I am often faced with situations which require rapid decisiveness, sound clinical judgment, and empathy towards every patient I encounter. ~~One of the most challenging calls that I have been called for was for~~For example, events as traumatic as an eighteenth month old pediatric with burns. When my partner and I arrived on scene, we found a mother in hysterics and a father with his son in his hands running to us. How did you calm them? maybe by calling the hospital...~~The pediatric had second degree burns with debridement. He had circumferential burns of his right arm, both hands, and partial burns on his anterior and posterior chest.~~ The call was immediately made to head into Children's hospital where he could properly be treated. We ensured the father that his son was in good hands and that he would be receiving the best care. We allowed the mother to sit on the stretcher with her son and comfort him. My partner and I wrapped the child in burn sheets and then I gained IV access in the patient's foot. Then I administered an analgesic to relieve the child some of the pain he was experiencing. We arrived at Children's Hospital with the trauma/burn team waiting our arrival.My partner and I stayed with the mother and her son until her husband arrived. Afterwards, my partner and I debriefed on how the call went. Overall, we felt that even though the call was a challenging one the call went "smoothly." We had communicated efficiently not only with one another, but with the family, other first responders, and medical personnel at the hospital. We had been attentive to the family's concerns and emotions. Finally, we had provided the proper treatment of the patient within the allotted amount of time.Maybe too much detail on one event. Can you think of another example where another good personal quality of yours was allowed to shine?

Now having worked in EMS for several years I am eager to practice medicine with a larger scope to practice within. I am confident in my future as a physician assistant for several reasons. First, I will be able to draw upon the fountain of experiences that have shaped my childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood. Secondly, my Catholic faith has engrained in me a sense of humility and the need to serve those who have no one to care for them. Lastly, the thirst to continue to learn to always to provide the best care that is possible.

Your thesis is only stated at the end of the essay. You should always say it first at the beginning and then again at the end. In general, when writing anything: Tell them what you're going to tell them, then tell them, then tell them what you just told them.

Hope this helps.

invot

Apr 18, 2012

Poetry / (ideas for my Diamante poem) - I have a poetry project to do, where to start? [3]

I hope this comment is "meaningful" enough to help: You can either expand the topic you're working with or you can dive deeper into it. If you use fire and water, try using the subjects of air and earth as well. Or you can divvy up "fire" into a number of categories, like the flame of a candle, a "flame" of love in your heart, a flame of a forest fire, and a flame on the sun. Remember that google is your friend when it comes to finding ideas: readwritethink.org/files/resources/interactives/diamante/

invot

Apr 18, 2012

Book Reports / Elvis Costello Concert Report for Voice Class [2]

Please help me! I suck at organizing my thoughts. I feel like if I go any further my essay will turn into mush. The center of the essay is now just a couple of sentences where paragraphs used to be.

How should I re-arrange/expand things to make my thoughts coherent? My thesis is basically that too much focus on technique will keep us from enjoying ourselves while singing, which is the most important part. How can I state that clearly yet clearly/eloquently? Also, this is a college course, so I can use "adult" language or talk about sex/drugs/whatever.

One of the first things a voice teacher tells you to do is release any tension in your body. Singing is supposed to feel good. It's supposed to be relaxing. It's supposed to be freeing. However, so many of us get caught up in the technique that we quickly forget this. Are you in form? Is your jaw dropped? Are you smiling? Did you eat diary today? All those quested go through a singer's head when they walk towards the stage. And don't forget to be relaxed. Singing can quickly become a microphone-induced panic-attack.

Though I was there to see Elvis Costello, I did not notice him when he walked past me. The way he was dressed did grab my attention, but only in a "how cute, that old man is dressed like a hipster" kind of way. If I would have realized who he was, I probably wouldn't have shot him the stink eye for walking around with the contents of his mini bar stacked in his hands.

It wasn't until he was on stage that I realized who he was, of course. I was so surprised at how relaxed he looked right before the show. I would definitely have been spending my time backstage warming up my voice and warding off a panic attack if this was my show.

Elvis Costello wants you to know that music is a thing of joy, and that set lists and sound checks are for pussies.

If you focus just on his vocal technique, you're missing the point of Elvis Costello. He never worried about his microphone being too far away from his mouth, or weather or not his guitar was in tune (at one point he just spun his guitar on his strap until a stagehand brought him something else to strum), or even if he was hitting the right notes (he wasn't). He doesn't worry about these things because he's there to enjoy himself. That's it.

Costello brought back his famed "Spinning Songbook" for this tour, which is reminiscent of the Dollar Wheel from The Price is Right. The wheel was a way to celebrated spontaneity over the tightly programmed concert rituals we're used to seeing. With a quick spin between songs, everything was left up to chance, and the only guarantee was that no two shows would be the same. Costello performed as if the carnival attractions he used to pick songs were a part of the band. The click of the wheel was like the click of drumsticks and the second it landed on a song Costello would start playing. He brought "go with the flow" to the next level. At one point, he even broke free from the melody of "Everyday I Write the Book" and starting singing Prince's "Purple Rain." Just 'cause. And the audience loved erupted with applause.

It's strange to think that Costello has been doing this for almost 40 years now. It isn't strange when you see how comfortable he is on stage, but it is strange when you consider his utter lack of professionalism, which he can manage to supplement with a sense of defiant and confident proclivity. He really knows what it means to be a rock performer and do it well. Rock should never be professional. Rock is not about technique. It's about having a good time. Costello has that nailed.