Undergraduate / Appropriate word limit? - Write a brief statement regarding your educational plans at UW Madison [19]

don't mind the last post..
have a read at my first para and tell me how it sounds..
Thanks in advance.. :)

I believe "need" is the root to change. There is a need to reach out to those who live their life in hunger and reduce the agonies suffered by our brothers and sisters who lead underprivileged life. I have a core value established inside of me from my family's constant maxim; helping others who are not so fortunate is a responsibility. Now having the chance to study abroad, seeking wisdom and pursuing knowledge will make the 'change' one step closer into reality. I have entrusted UW-Madison to be the place where it could mold me to be a person of impact as I want to see my studies as a food scientist be put to practice and remove nutrient deficiency from the list of prominent problems that plague the human population.

Undergraduate / Appropriate word limit? - Write a brief statement regarding your educational plans at UW Madison [19]

well thankss moderatorss..
i have now changed the first and second paragraph as follows:
comments please.. thank you

I believe "need" is the root to change. There is a need to reach out to those who live their life in hunger and reduce the agonies suffered by our brothers and sisters who lead underprivileged life. I have come to realize that being part of the wealthy sector of Indonesian society brings with it responsibility for those who are not so fortunate. I believe this vision of change will be inevitable as I pursue knowledge in UW-Madison where I can see my studies as a food scientist be put to practice and remove nutrient deficiency from the list of prominent problems that plague the human population.

In addition to pursuing academic excellence, I also intend to participate in organizations and internship programs related to these areas. I want to expand my knowledge and expose myself to all sorts of experiences which I believe will enrich me and help prepare me to succeed in any difficulty. With the student leadership program, I can grasp the opportunity to discover hidden potentials inside of me and hopefully be successful in becoming a role model for others. I am also excited to be a part of Wisconsin Hoofers which encourages students to be an active participant in outdoor activities that promotes awareness of our environment. Also, the Lion's club of UW-Madison will allow me to be a person of impact where I meet the needs of my community and the world. In doing so, I can engage in relationships where I cultivate long-lasting friendships with members of the community and the club. I dream of becoming a lion.

Undergraduate / Appropriate word limit? - Write a brief statement regarding your educational plans at UW Madison [19]

If there is additional information you would like us to consider in reviewing your application, please share this with us as well. This is your opportunity to tell us things about yourself that have not been asked elsewhere if you believe they will help us become acquainted with you in ways different from courses, grades, and test scores.

My academics are balanced by my passion for arts. I play two musical instruments, the piano and violin and am actively involved in the school's orchestra. I gain several distinctions in my piano exams and won third place for the junior piano contest in my district. Playing in an orchestra has successfully trained me to be an individual full of compassion as it gives me the heart to listen, paying careful attention to others who are playing because they might be the one who is accompanying me with the harmony. It also teaches me to work as a team because I have to be in the same rhythm with others, playing at the designated tempo even though I have mastered the piece. In an orchestra, everything needs to blend in well or the orchestra itself will fall apart. So it also trains me to concentrate fully on any given task because, in an orchestra, one missed note is a fatal mistake. Thus, I believe an orchestra removes people from being arrogant or selfish individuals and trains everyone to have a sense of care and concern for others.

I also initiated in learning my own cultural tradition by exposing myself to the world of batik. Batik is a form of art that reflects a high level of creativity and has been long part of Indonesia's heritage. I have been proud to be able to learn this unique creation first hand as I patiently discovered the intricacies behind the making of Batik until I am able to design and produce my own Batik motifs. I am proud that I am able to benefit my home country as I have spread the skills that I have learned to friends, relatives and even foreigners to help prevent this part of my culture from extinction. Most importantly, I am proud that I am a part of such a complex culture, one that goes beyond stereotypes and hopefully I will bring to the school perhaps a subtle, but ultimately a different view of the world, a cultural paradigm that only an Indonesian can bring.

here is another one that requires editing
hope u guys can help:)
thxx

Undergraduate / Appropriate word limit? - Write a brief statement regarding your educational plans at UW Madison [19]

Write a brief statement on a separate piece of paper regarding your educational plans at UW- Madison

To be given the chance to study abroad will mark the new phase of my life. I yearn to seek wisdom on the other side of the world, dig out vast experiences, and gain as much knowledge as possible in the field of food science in the hope of reaching out to those who live their life in hunger. In this once in a lifetime opportunity, I want to see my studies as a food scientist be put to practice and remove nutrient deficiency from the list of prominent problems that plague the human population. I have come to realize that being part of the wealthy sector of Indonesian society brings with it responsibility for those who are not so fortunate.

In addition to pursuing academic excellence, I also intend to participate in organizations and internship programs related to these areas. I want to expand my knowledge and expose myself to all sorts of experiences which I believe will enrich me and help prepare me to succeed in any difficulty. With the student leadership program, I can grasp the opportunity to discover hidden potentials inside of me and hopefully be successful in becoming a role model for others. I am also excited to be a part of Wisconsin Hoofers which encourages students to be an active participant in outdoor activities that promotes awareness of our environment.

I also want to discover more of the real life challenges of a working environment. I believe I can gain valuables lessons which will equip me to succeed in the real world where relationships and working in a team are essential. With hard work, I believe we can change our community for the better and hopefully put a permanent smile on the faces of those who leads underprivileged life. This is the dream I have.

I am optimistic that studying at UW-Madison will permit me to reach these goals. I believe that the mystery of good nutrition will unravel and more discoveries will be made possible through using the vast resources and forefront research programs and facilities that UW-Madison has to offer. I am keen to seek assistance from professionals who can help me and equip me with the necessary determination in improving the lives of mankind. I am definitely eager to become a member of the UW-Madison family.

hey guys..im still continuing with the paper question because im submitting mine via mail...
so if u guys can spare ur time a little in proof reading my essay..
your inputs will be greatly appreciated
thxx :)

Grammar, Usage / How to enrich my writing? [10]

what is the difference between moderators and contributors? can anybody be one of them?

Undergraduate / Appropriate word limit? - Write a brief statement regarding your educational plans at UW Madison [19]

but i am an international student so does the question still applies for me?tx