Writing Feedback / IELTS:narrow the gap; should wealthy nations share their wealth with poorer ones [3]

hi
I am not expert but I think its about 5.0 or 5.5
and try to write in main body 3 paragraphs ( also linking words)

With best Ikboljon

Writing Feedback / ielts task 2: married women nowadays are not at home to take care for their children [3]

Hi Ahmad Zafari thank you very much indeed
Cuz of your feedbacks I learn many useful thing how to write TASK 2 essay
with best
Ikboljon