Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

IELTS:narrow the gap; should wealthy nations share their wealth with poorer ones

nmcong95 2 / 2  
May 15, 2012   #1
i have only been learning english for 5 months and my writing skills is very bad so you might find some silly errors in my essay, sorry about that :) and if it's possible, please give me a brand score, i just want to know where i'm at right now, thanks again!

Question: should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as foods and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to loof after their own citizens? Write at least 250 words.

It is now a responsibility for every countries to narrow down the gap between the rich and poorer nations, which has been widen than ever before. Therefore, in my opinion, rich countries should help poorer ones.

The world has over 200 nations and most of them are still developing. These countries are struggling with not only economy but also in many cases, an unstable society. Therefore, the help from wealthier countries would be crucial. By providing goods, they can help poorer countries with their economy, but what i think is the most important is that rich countries can give people from poorer countries opportunities to experience an absolutely different education environment. By doing that, poorer nations will have more skilled worker, they are the part of the population that really make a country move forward.

However, some people may say that these countries should be able to look after themselves other than just waiting for help from the rich, I partly agree with this statement as well. Without any doubt, the only way to ensure a stable development is to do it on thier own, despite that fact, they still need help, at least for the beginning of the process. As mentioned above, skilled workers are vital to a country, but the only way to acquire that is to study from the ones who have skills and experiences, in this case, developed countries. Moreover, with a lot of money they have, developed countries should share it among other countries as a way to balance the economy.

In conclusion, I think wealthy countries should definitely share their wealth among poorer nations as a way to narrow down the gap between the rich and the poor and also to balance the world's economy.
Ikboljon - / 2  
May 20, 2012   #2
I am not expert but I think its about 5.0 or 5.5
and try to write in main body 3 paragraphs ( also linking words)

With best Ikboljon
Athena - / 83 3  
May 20, 2012   #3

I feel that you are contradicting yourself in the essay. Instead, try to stick to one perspective and strengthen the key points with concrete examples.

It is now a responsibility for every countriescountry to...

In conclusionTo conclude , I think wealthy countriesnations should...

Good Luck ! :)

Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS:narrow the gap; should wealthy nations share their wealth with poorer ones