Writing Feedback / Personal Essay- Kathak, a classical Indian dance [2]

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

Kathak is a classical Indian dance form that I've been practicing for over ten years. When my parents signed me up for the class at the age of five, I hated it. I hated the tinkling bells on my feet and the repetitive movements that we would practice every week in that small dance studio a couple blocks down from my house. Staring at myself in the large mirror that expanded over one wall of the studio, I watched as I fumbled what should have been graceful movements. For that one hour a week, I was miserable. Quitting seemed like the only option, but my mother convinced me to stick with it and keep trying. She had more faith in me than I did.

Over the years, Kathak became a constant part of my life. Although I changed teachers multiple times, maturity had made me a more diligent student. I practiced footwork until my heels were sore and the soles of my feet were red. I made sure my every hand movement was elegant and a precise copy of my teacher's. At the age of thirteen, I was a proficient dancer and one of the best students in my class. During performances, I never once made a mistake. The only real difficulty I had was keeping a smile pasted on my face as I danced on stage. Unfortunately, my hard work did not stem from any real passion for the dance form. Eight years after I started Kathak, I quit.

For six months, I didn't so much as look at my ghungroos- the brass bells worn around the feet of Kathak dancers. Slowly, however, I realized that I missed dancing. Taking a break from Kathak is what made me realize how important it was to me. I signed up with a new teacher and, though I was unsure at first, I found myself enjoying the class and looking forward to attending every week. At the start of my junior year of high school, my teacher asked me to work as a teacher's assistant for her children's class. Working with younger students to improve their abilities and encouraging them to keep trying when they make mistakes has helped me to grow not only as a dancer, but as a person.

Kathak has taught me the importance of perseverance and dedication. Had I never decided to start dancing again, I would have missed out on a great experience. I also would not have had the opportunity to work with other students and help them achieve their own goals.

Today, whether I'm looking out into a crowd of people from the stage, or simply staring at my reflection in the studio mirror, I have no trouble keeping a smile on my face.

Undergraduate / 'youth outreach clubs' - How my goals relate to my interests- Georgetown [2]

Prompt: Please relate your interest in studying at Georgetown University to your goals. How do these thoughts relate to your chosen course of study?

Since the age of nine, it has been my dream to become a doctor. At first, I wanted the pristine white lab coat, shiny stethoscope, and kind demeanor that all my doctors seemed to have. When I was diagnosed with vitiligo, a skin condition, I truly came to appreciate the dedication and compassion with which doctors seem to effortlessly maintain. In high school, when it came time to explore my career options and determine exactly what it was that I wanted to do with my life, the word "doctor" was always in the back of my mind. The psychology course I took in my junior year of high school helped me to finally make my decision. My passion for medicine and natural affinity for the sciences, combined with my newfound interest in the brain and human behavior showed me that my real calling was a career in the field of neurobiological research.

When I found out that Georgetown offered neurobiology as a major, I put it on my list of colleges to consider. When I found out about the high percentage of Georgetown students who are admitted to medical school, I was more than interested. When I found out about its highly ranked medical school and the plethora of research opportunities afforded to undergraduates, I knew that Georgetown was the best match for me. One of the things that I'm excited for is the RISE (Research Intensive Senior Experience) Program. Having a year dedicated to a research project will make me a much stronger student and help me gain hands-on experience in the field. Another thing I appreciate among Georgetown's resources for science majors is the Mentis Vita. This publication is an excellent way for students to stay connected with research work being done on campus. Reading about the work done by my peers would definitely encourage me to grow academically and contribute my own research papers to the journal. The Mentis Vita, along with the Pre-Med Society, shows me that Georgetown offers a highly connected and supportive program for pre-medical students.

Although I'm passionate about medicine, my interests do not lie solely in the sciences. I'm an avid reader and writer and I've been named a national winner in the Live Poets Society High School Poetry Contest. For this reason, I appreciate the freedom offered to Georgetown pre-medical students in terms of course selection. I like the idea of being able to explore my interests outside of the math and science fields. The vast array of extracurricular activities and clubs is also a great way for me to discover new areas of interest. Writing for one of Georgetown's newspapers or journals, like The Hoya or The Georgetown Voice, would be helpful in further developing my writing skills. The huge number of dance groups on campus would allow me to continue the passion for dance that I've had since I was young. My dedication to volunteering and giving back to the community can be easily continued through the huge number of active community service groups in Georgetown. In particular, I would like to be involved in the youth outreach clubs that exist on campus. I am a firm believer in the importance of literacy for children and I am motivated to work towards fostering a love for learning among grade school students.

This is my rough draft and I have no idea if I'm doing this right so any help would be appreciated! I'm not sure how to close it either...any tips on conclusion?

Thanks for the help!