Posts by krishnakant

krishnakant

Oct 5, 2012

Writing Feedback / TOEFL essay - help / technology effects [4]

internet,which -> Use space after commas

internet, ~~which is the grand~~ an invincible product of technology of 21 century( or modern era), ~~with internet you just can't imagine how fast~~ quickly transmitted the information around the world. For example, google a search engine company,that has given us the opportunity to search and retrieve any information within friction of second. at first, you just need to enter what you want to know in the search bar,and lightly click on "search",within 1 second,hundreds of thousand entries will show up,

It's purely amazing.

krishnakant

Oct 5, 2012

Writing Feedback / Movies expand our knowledge and information about other countries. TOEFL Essay [2]

The last ~~and most important~~ but not the least reason is that movies enhance/escalate our knowledge about other countries. Movies reflect history, art, culture, customs, traditions , and religion of a country. Therefore, ~~a huge amount of~~ immense information can be achieved about culture of other countries without spending too much money to visit them.---> We can get glimpse of a country by just watching a movie. For example,...

Use examples for support your body statement

krishnakant

Sep 13, 2012

Writing Feedback / 'Living with parents and generation gap' - Topic: iBT writing [11]

First, for living alone young adults need to ]find a job as soon as they can to afford to pay for their lives costs and place. be financially independent. For example, My brother, decided to move to ~~a house~~ an apartment and live with one of his friends . His friend asked him to pay for the half of the rent ~~fee~~ . My brother was unemployed on at that time and did not take it serious to have a job.

krishnakant

Jun 22, 2012

Writing Feedback / Should drug companies make their drugs more available for third world countries? [2]

I go through your last two paragraphs. I feel that content is less its better if you can elaborate the specific details. I do not feel any connection between your example i.e. Dharavi and the topic except the last line "they can't afford to see a doctor." In this example you have describe the situation of slum people but main topic is different. its better if you would have given the example of " vaccination of polio " in India instead this. ex: 10 year ago, there were lots of children suffering from polio. For removing this virus from India, drug companies and goverment of India decided to distributed the polio vaccine in free and now a days India is Polio free country. U can elaborate this example to support your essay.

For timing: If you have lots of time for preparation(1-2 month) then its ok, after practice you will manage your time but if you have only one week then practice more and more.

All the best

krishnakant

Jun 21, 2012

Writing Feedback / Toefl: 'I can accumulate wealth' - purchase either a house or a business [3]

Its a Toefl Essay. Please suggest where i need to improve and also suggest the changes.

Thanks

You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would you choose to buy? Give specific reasons to explain your choice.

If I have enough money to buy a house or a business then i will purchase business rather then a house because business will give me opportunity to accumulate money and business can also create job opportunity for the other peoples, who are seeking for job. If i purchase a house with that money then only i can live in that house but neither i can earn more money with the help of the house nor i can help other unemployed people.

Firstly, If i purchase a business, then i can make earn money with the business. Business will provide me money from which i can take care of my family and their basic needs and give them financial support too. I can save the money which i have earned from the business for the future purpose and in future I can also enlarge my business so that i can earn more and more money. With the help of these money i can purchase a same house that i wanted to purchase. So In future, Business will gave me the opportunity to buy things that i wanted to buy.

another point that i wanted to make, If i purchase a business then it will give job opportunity for lots of people. So, from business its not only i who get benefits, but others can also earn with the business. For example, a shop has only one owner but lots of workers worked there and earn money. So business also crate job opportunities for other people.

By taking an example of tata birla who was a very famous business man. He had started his business with a little shop. He had no house for living, whatever income he got from his soap, he spent it in enlarging his shop. In six months,he bought house and started steal manufacturing plant that has create job opportunity for lots of people. Even after that he enlarged his business in each and every field. If he spend his money in purchasing house rather then starting a business he would not have succeeded so much.

So if i have enough money i will purchase a business and become a good business man, also create job opportunity for other peoples. If i become a good businessman then i can accumulate wealth. With the help of money i can fulfill my dreams and buy a new house.