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Posts by tokiwong
Joined: Jun 25, 2012
Last Post: Aug 10, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 2  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 4
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tokiwong   
Aug 10, 2012
Undergraduate / 'learning experience' - the greatest benefit(s) of a diverse educational community? [2]

This is a personal statement for Virginia Tech, and it is limited to 250 words. Please feel free to tear it apart, if it means to make it a better essay.

To me, one of the most important things about living an independent college life, is to broaden my horizons and understand all the different kinds of people that the world has to offer. I believe the greatest benefit of a diverse educational community is the opportunity to gain firsthand experience in international, interpersonal relationships. Diversity, extending past race, also includes people from different socio-economic backgrounds, as well as those of different sexual orientation- that of which I'm not quite used to. I believe that being immersed in a diverse group of people earlier on helps to better prepare my future, and possibly my entry into the work force, as well. Gaining such knowledge and experience earlier on in my life, I believe that it would embed a much more open-minded and cultured way of thinking into my psyche, helping me to better communicate with people of different backgrounds much more efficiently. As the world becomes more and more connected as life progresses, diversity becomes more commonplace in society, and immersing oneself in that environment would help me gain a better understanding of the world, in its totality. I think that going to Virginia Tech, with its highly diverse student body, would surely give me a much more expansive learning experience, as it teaches students the ways of interacting with different types of people, in preparation for the real world.
tokiwong   
Aug 10, 2012
Undergraduate / 'so special and welcoming' - Why did you choose to apply to UCF? [3]

This past January I went on a college tour around Florida. I was anxious to get my first real taste of what college was all about. The first few universities never really captured my interest but when our bus rolled up to UCF(,) I was in awe. As soon as I stepped off that bus and took in my surroundings(,) I just felt this aura of belonging engulf me. I was mesmerized (mesmerized by what?). The first thing that caught my eye was the huge fountain in the middle of the University(,) and I saw that students were lounging on the grass around the fountain and socializing with their friends. It seemed like such a relaxed and calm environment. I immediately had this urge to be(come) one of them, studying by the fountain while sprawled out on a towel(,) because the environment seemed very conducive to studying. Just taking in the soothing sounds of the fountain and laying out in the Florida sun sounded like a perfect day to me. The academic opportunities are endless and I know I can reach my full potential here. I am interested in going into a Health profession, such as Pharmacy, and the Health Sciences Pre-Clinical Program at UCF will help me prepare for this by providing all the foundation courses. I never wanted the tour to end and after that(,) no university even compared to UCF. There is just something indescribable about UCF that makes it so special and welcoming. I knew from that day on(,) that I would do whatever it takes to get accepted into this exemplary university.

Talk more about the school as a whole. You gave a small blip about the Pre-Clinical Program, and a lot about the fountain-- see if you can change that.

All in all, you do give off a very personal tone in this essay, which is a good thing, and you really show that getting accepted into this school would mean a lot to you.
tokiwong   
Aug 10, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Baseball is boring?' - Extracurricular essay for common app [2]

My cousins have always said, " Baseball is boring because you are not always active". However, this did not stop me from taking up the game that I have grown to love. Baseball has shaped me into the person I am today. Baseball requires patience, composure, character, and teamwork(-) skills that have helped me(,) not only in baseball(,) but also in life. Patience has helped me manage different personalities (elaborate-what are personalities?), remove the incentive to act rashly, and see the completeness of something rather than the undeveloped. Composure has given me the strength to stand tall during difficult situations and (to) never give up. Character has allowed (empowered) me to never be ashamed of who I am, and (to) always keep my head up. Most importantly, teamwork has shown me that it allows goals to be reached in a timely and efficient method (it took me a couple of reads to understand this- flesh it out more). If only my cousins could see baseball how I see it. (I find this last sentence to be extraneous)
tokiwong   
Jun 25, 2012
Undergraduate / 'always wanted to go to' - The top five reasons you want to attend Virginia Tech? [3]

(Statement is limited to 250 words in length):

Virginia Tech carries many warrants as to why it is the most desirable university for me to study Engineering. This university is considered to be ranked at the top when it comes to Computer Engineering-which is noted for its rigorous coursework. This is the field of study I've always wanted to get into, and the fact that it's so readily available to me within the same state is very elating. A degree from Virginia Tech would undoubtedly propel me forward in my career plans of Network Engineering, as the Computer Engineering major runs parallel with my plans for the future. Virginia Tech is a university that is known for taking in many students from different parts of the world. Considering I'm of different ethnic descent from most Americans, I find talking about differences in ethnic backgrounds with other people to be quite enjoyable, learning more about others as they learn about me. Furthermore, the 16:1 student to faculty ratio makes for a beneficial academic environment, giving more leeway to student-teacher interaction. I find the area of Blacksburg to carry a very easing atmosphere, and it's a place I dream to live in. Such a rural setting is novel to me, and the open spaces mixed with the atmosphere of a college town definitely make for a wonderful experience. This is the school I've always wanted to go to, where I can attain the highest possible education in the most reputable facility for that field of study.

Feel free to leave any comments :)