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'Baseball is boring?' - Extracurricular essay for common app


PBP 3 / 9  
Aug 10, 2012   #1
Prompt: extracurricular essay for common app

My cousins have always said, " Baseball is boring because you are not always active". However, this did not stop me from taking up the game that I have grown to love. Baseball has shaped me into the person I am today. Baseball requires patience, composure, character, and teamwork, skills that have helped me not only in baseball but also in life. Patience has helped me manage different personalities, remove the incentive to act rashly, and see the completeness of something rather than the undeveloped. Composure has given me the strength to stand tall during difficult situations and never give up. Character has allowed me to never be ashamed of who I am, and always keep my head up. Most importantly, teamwork has shown me that it allows goals to be reached in a timely and efficient method. If only my cousins could see baseball how I see it.

Any grammer corrections or critique will be helpful.
tokiwong 2 / 2  
Aug 10, 2012   #2
My cousins have always said, " Baseball is boring because you are not always active". However, this did not stop me from taking up the game that I have grown to love. Baseball has shaped me into the person I am today. Baseball requires patience, composure, character, and teamwork(-) skills that have helped me(,) not only in baseball(,) but also in life. Patience has helped me manage different personalities (elaborate-what are personalities?), remove the incentive to act rashly, and see the completeness of something rather than the undeveloped. Composure has given me the strength to stand tall during difficult situations and (to) never give up. Character has allowed (empowered) me to never be ashamed of who I am, and (to) always keep my head up. Most importantly, teamwork has shown me that it allows goals to be reached in a timely and efficient method (it took me a couple of reads to understand this- flesh it out more). If only my cousins could see baseball how I see it. (I find this last sentence to be extraneous)


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