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Posts by skim
Joined: Dec 28, 2008
Last Post: Dec 30, 2008
Threads: 2
Posts: 12  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 14
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skim   
Dec 30, 2008
Undergraduate / EMORY why essay, thanks a lot for your comments! [6]

Yeah. cm22, I checked through and there's nothing about word limit. I was worried cause mine is not that short. But I think yours looks about right length. :)
skim   
Dec 29, 2008
Undergraduate / NYU additional one: how I spent my recent summer (in South Korea) [5]

Haha.
One person likes first and the other likes second...?
I'm really confused about which one to pick. And I am not sure if this short statment is
good enough... :(

Any more suggestions/critiques? I would appreciate it! :)
skim   
Dec 29, 2008
Undergraduate / Need help with most important essay for college in my life. [10]

"Moving away from the native land where my life transitioned from a toddler to a teenager, was not an easy task for me. It drastically changed the person I am, but I am grateful for the move as it introduced me with a new perspective in life."

I really like this part! :) Since I moved from my country after my middleschool years, I TOTALLY agree with your opinion! :)

And I REALLY REALLY like your last two paragraphs. They are beautiful!!!
Beautifully described... very sensational :) Love it!

Wish you the best luck !
skim   
Dec 29, 2008
Undergraduate / NYU application short answers (cutting the things I wrote down) [7]

Thank you so much Mr.Kevin! :)

I was worried about the second one you corrected. Glad I finally
got it corrected !
Last question about this before I submit, do you thing others are okay
besides those two?

P.S Anyone who could correct mine, I would appreciate ! I really want as many people as possible to look over mine before I submit =)
skim   
Dec 29, 2008
Undergraduate / We live in a world of obstacles. ;Personal Statement, Innovation [4]

Wow. You've done a great experiment, I suppose :)

I wish you could add some kind of transition between the body paragraphs.
Nice description of your experiences/details but, I would make it better by giving transition between the paragraphs" for example... "My scientific method and conclustions earned my project the grand prize." And then don't just jump into biology/engineering subject. Maybe you could say "in addtion to ..." before you start second body pragraph?

Well, it's just my idea and style... it could change the meaning of your essay.
:) hope my comment helped though!
skim   
Dec 29, 2008
Undergraduate / 'Internship participation' - NYU short answer: Why did you chose this school? [11]

Yeah I agree with Zowzow about the second sentence. It is too long I think.
"Gallatin will allow me to pursue my interests, without the requirement of an audition, in both international finance and music administration, as my aspiration is to have a profession overseas in band management though I do not play an instrument."

Honestly I can't come up with better setence for the last part where you mentioned "as my aspiration...do not play instrument." But I am sure you can spilt this long sentence into two. That will make it much more better/short/concise :)

Oh, and what do you mean by requirement for an audition in both international finance and band music admin? I know there are auditions for muscis but is there for international finance? I was slightly confused about that.

But besides that I like how you described you want to persue both international finance and music. Nice/clear reasoning. I wish mine is clear like that too !

Good luck :)
skim   
Dec 29, 2008
Undergraduate / NYU additional one: how I spent my recent summer (in South Korea) [5]

Someone told me to change the order of first two sentences. So I wrote two ones... Which one is better? And I would appreciate if you could correct any mistakes or suggest any changes! Thanks :)

In addition to any work experience that you listed on your application, please tell us how you spent your most recent summer vacation. (500 characters)

This summer our family went to South Korea for the first time since our immigration. It was the last time we could spend with grandpa and that is what makes this summer more memorable to us, my family. He passed away from a sudden car accident, a month after we came back to Georgia. The summer gave me a last chance to get to know grandpa even more: he was a quiet but loving and warm hearted person, who loved learning and reading. I am glad I could make a great memory of him before he left us. (497/500)

It was the last time we could spend with grandpa and that is what makes this summer more memorable to us, my family. He passed away from a sudden car accident, a month after we came back to Georgia. This summer our family went to South Korea for the first time since our immigration. The summer gave me a last chance to get to know grandpa even more: he was a quiet but loving and warm hearted person, who loved learning and reading. I am glad I could make a great memory of him before he left us. (497/500)
skim   
Dec 29, 2008
Undergraduate / NYU application short answers (cutting the things I wrote down) [7]

Thank you, christine ! :)
Good to hear that fifth was is good... I was worried about that one.

Can anyone help me with other ones?
I need people to go over mines before I submit,
I would really appreciate for helping! :)
skim   
Dec 29, 2008
Undergraduate / Common App Essay - Piano [15]

It didn't seem that long. I enjoyed reading your essay!
I like how you described your childhood memories about piano/piano lessons.

I really like your conclusion too.
"Music is often called a universal language." I agree with you! :)

Well,
Good luck ! :)
skim   
Dec 29, 2008
Undergraduate / Why Carnegie (economics essay) [9]

I like your essay but I think it could be focused more on what CMU could offer you
instead of giving too much example of other business leaders?
Other than that, I like it structure/grammar wise.

Good luck :)
skim   
Dec 29, 2008
Undergraduate / EMORY why essay, thanks a lot for your comments! [6]

I like how you put the details you know about Emory.
I applied to Emory too, but is there word limit?
And yes, definitely add more to your conclusion. One sentence is not enough
I think. Besides that, I like your essay.
skim   
Dec 28, 2008
Undergraduate / NYU application short answers (cutting the things I wrote down) [7]

It's taking me a while to cut down the things I wrote. I feel like I should write an essay not short answers... so yeah, it took me a while to shorten/edit. But I hope you guys could make my essays even better ! :) Thanks for helping!

1) Describe a trait or characteristic that has been passed along to you by your family. Tell us why you like or dislike this aspect of yourself. (500 or less characters)

One of the reasons I could be actively engaged in numerous clubs is due to the leadership skills I inherited from my parents. Just like my parents, who both were president of their class in high school and college, I enjoy leading people, especially under certain goals to achieve. For instance, I organized a club that helps new students adjust well to the school. Although, being a leader always requires full responsibilities, it feels worth trying after all and I learn throughout the experience. (500/500)

2) You have been selected to sing in a talent show. What song would you choose? Why?

The song starts to play and I recall the feeling I had when I first heard this song: positivity and uplift coming from the great tune. Reluctant and shy to sing in front of many people, I try to be bold and strong just like the song says. 'You Gotta Be' by Des'ree has always been inspirational. It tells the truth: if you want to live a successful life, you gotta be wise, strong, challenging and loving. I wish I could live a life like this song: 'try and keep your head up to the sky.' Carpe diem! (500/500)

3) Please tell us what led you to select your anticipated academic program and/or NYU school/college, and what interests you most about your intended discipline.

Although considering international relations or journalism as a possible future major, I am applying to NYU as an undecided. I have decided not to bind myself for one major before experiencing numerous subjects I have yet to learn. I am now on the verge of entering a new world and I am expecting lots of things that I have not experienced in the world I am in now. Especially at NYU, I can see myself not only enjoying the city but also learning from diversity, figuring out what I truly like to do. (500/500)

4) New York City is an essential element of academic and cultural life at NYU. If you could engage in an activity or start a club or service organization at NYU, what would it be and how would you envision it impacting the larger community?

Considering my goal of becoming an international journalist, I would first join Journal of Politics and International Affairs. As an immigrant who experienced both Asian and American culture, I can see myself delivering the news with different points of view to people and sharing life with them. My trilingual skills and an effort to approach a subject in a thoughtful manner with various possible aspects will harmonize with the diverse culture of NYU and the city to make a great journalist. (495/500)

5) In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).

I would never forget the moment when the donor answered my question, "I wonder why so many people donate their blood voluntarily. Doesn't it hurt? Why would you do it regularly?" She said, "Let me ask you a question. Would you bear a little pain for a short while and save someone's life or would you, to avoid a little pain of a needle, let someone suffer from a lack of blood?" Her reply caught me off guard. Then, I learned an important life lesson, which nobody could teach but I had to realize by myself: An individual's minimal sacrifice could be magnified to help others. I finally realized the true definition of what serving others means. Aristotle once said, "What is the essence of life? To serve others and to do good." Three years of volunteering at American Red Cross always was and will be worthy in my life. (150/150)
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