Candaaceee
Dec 30, 2008
Candaaceee
Dec 30, 2008
Undergraduate / 'Considered quitting' - Tufts short answer and essay [18]
Which aspects of Tufts' curriculum or undergraduate experience prompt your application? In short: "Why Tufts?"
Tufts is the place where my academic interest in psychology can be satisfied. The numerous internships offered to the department of psychology and abundant research opportunities would not only fulfill my curiosity but also promote my intellectual pursuit to wholly prepare for my future career.
I think that this has to be more specific. What makes Tufts different from any other school that offers internships to psychology majors? try to be more specific? (;
About the other one, it seems like you're being condescending on yourself... );
There are also a lot of sentences that seem a little robotic..
"I met my best friend when I was in sixth grade. We spent a lot of time together. "
"However, as time went by, my friend began to distant me."
Maybe "my friend began to outgrow me"? or "my friend became distant"
"One day, too preoccupied to suit my friend's appetite, I did not realize that there were blisters on my fingers. Though physically in pain, I continued."
You said that you didn't realize that you have blisters, but that you were in physical pain? If you were in pain, wouldn't you check out to see what was wrong?
"However, there are times that I just want to give up because my fingers are short to hold flute properly or my feet are flat to run well for the school sports."
This part makes you seem really harsh on yourself, like there are many parts of yourself that you don't like. Also, the part about your feet is kind of irrelevant because you're talking about your fingers and then, all of a sudden, you talk about your feet...
Sorry, if these are a little harsh, but i feel you. My fingers... HAHAHAHAA. i always ended up getting the "bad" korean genes.. Oh well. Good luck on your essay! (;
Which aspects of Tufts' curriculum or undergraduate experience prompt your application? In short: "Why Tufts?"
Tufts is the place where my academic interest in psychology can be satisfied. The numerous internships offered to the department of psychology and abundant research opportunities would not only fulfill my curiosity but also promote my intellectual pursuit to wholly prepare for my future career.
I think that this has to be more specific. What makes Tufts different from any other school that offers internships to psychology majors? try to be more specific? (;
About the other one, it seems like you're being condescending on yourself... );
There are also a lot of sentences that seem a little robotic..
"I met my best friend when I was in sixth grade. We spent a lot of time together. "
"However, as time went by, my friend began to distant me."
Maybe "my friend began to outgrow me"? or "my friend became distant"
"One day, too preoccupied to suit my friend's appetite, I did not realize that there were blisters on my fingers. Though physically in pain, I continued."
You said that you didn't realize that you have blisters, but that you were in physical pain? If you were in pain, wouldn't you check out to see what was wrong?
"However, there are times that I just want to give up because my fingers are short to hold flute properly or my feet are flat to run well for the school sports."
This part makes you seem really harsh on yourself, like there are many parts of yourself that you don't like. Also, the part about your feet is kind of irrelevant because you're talking about your fingers and then, all of a sudden, you talk about your feet...
Sorry, if these are a little harsh, but i feel you. My fingers... HAHAHAHAA. i always ended up getting the "bad" korean genes.. Oh well. Good luck on your essay! (;
Candaaceee
Dec 30, 2008
Undergraduate / My Personal Statement, I sent it in to some schools. comments? [3]
Here's my personal statement. I sent it in to some schools, the way it is now, and iw as wondering if someone could check it out...? thankss (; oh yeah. it's kind of long. XD
I couldn't believe my ears. When my name was called, I was awestruck, dazed, not trusting the ears that heard my name. It wasn't until my friends congratulated me that I realized that I was a part of something. After the close of my first year in middle school, I was accepted into a Christian show choir called God's Image. Little did I know that my life was about to change in the most drastic way imaginable. At the very start in this journey, my indistinguishable voice grew into a whisper in the wind.
Growing up in a Korean Christian family was restricting. It was expected of me to follow both Korean and Christian traditions. I would bow to my elders, serve them food, and volunteer to pray. Additionally, I would always perform these tasks with a seemingly genuine smile on my face. Yet, I didn't want to be bound by these expectations all the time. In fact, there was a part of me that wanted to break free and be outgoing, outspoken and bubbly.
The fact that my family attended a conservative church didn't help. I'd try to free myself by putting up a façade around other Christians while I'd live a totally different lifestyle around non-Christians. However, after hearing a powerful sermon at a Christian youth rally, I knew that something had to change. I finally told my parents my deepest wish: To attend a church that speaks more to my generation. Immediately, they asserted that I couldn't go. Still, after a day filled with tear-drenched tissues and sore throats, my parents finally allowed me to attend a new one, a place where I could be my own self. My timid whisper turned into an audible voice.
For the first time in my life, I started to sing to others. It took a while to get accustomed to performing in front of people, especially in God's Image, a talented team of youths that sing and dance. However, since I joined the praise team at New Hope a month later, performing suddenly became easier. Without the encouragement from my church members, I would have never gotten over my stage fright. No longer was I the shy girl that always did what she was told. No, I was me. In turn, I became outgoing and bubbly like I'd always wanted to be, ready to try new things.
After realizing that I needed performing arts credits to graduate, I grudgingly joined the school choir. After two years in the school choir, which was more than I needed to graduate, I was selected to join the highest choirs at school: A Capella and Madrigals. The basso of spirituals, the giddiness of Broadway hits and the sorrowful stories of the songs in foreign languages caught and held my attention. Who knew that choral music could be so interesting and useful? I never expected it to bring my singing voice to new heights! My once audible voice evolved into a charming melody.
I never knew that a fuller voice could make such a big impact. All of a sudden, I found myself winning. From fifth place with A Capella at the Golden State Festival (a competition between the best school choirs in Northern California) to second place at my school's talent show by belting out "If I Ain't Got You" by Alicia Keys, I had surpassed my goals. Furthermore, since the third annual God's Image concert, we have raised $10,000 to build a school and an AIDS hospital in Nagaland, India. Although the awards were wonderful, helping others was much more gratifying. If I'd learned anything, it was that there is a nice small intersection between my desire to sing and doing something meaningful for others. My lonesome melody soon developed into a harmony.
Finally, I realized that before I was what everyone expected of me: a "good Korean Christian girl". Although this was not a bad thing, I saw in my introverted younger self a desire to be more than those four words. When I came out of my comfort zone by going to a different church from my parents, I didn't know if my decision would become a complete failure or success. But I now know the answer. I'm a devout Christian, and yes, I am still Korean. I'm more outgoing and I'm now categorized as bubbly. But most importantly, I'm happy. Who knew that I would find my voice? At last! My incomplete harmony transformed into a beautiful song.
Here's my personal statement. I sent it in to some schools, the way it is now, and iw as wondering if someone could check it out...? thankss (; oh yeah. it's kind of long. XD
I couldn't believe my ears. When my name was called, I was awestruck, dazed, not trusting the ears that heard my name. It wasn't until my friends congratulated me that I realized that I was a part of something. After the close of my first year in middle school, I was accepted into a Christian show choir called God's Image. Little did I know that my life was about to change in the most drastic way imaginable. At the very start in this journey, my indistinguishable voice grew into a whisper in the wind.
Growing up in a Korean Christian family was restricting. It was expected of me to follow both Korean and Christian traditions. I would bow to my elders, serve them food, and volunteer to pray. Additionally, I would always perform these tasks with a seemingly genuine smile on my face. Yet, I didn't want to be bound by these expectations all the time. In fact, there was a part of me that wanted to break free and be outgoing, outspoken and bubbly.
The fact that my family attended a conservative church didn't help. I'd try to free myself by putting up a façade around other Christians while I'd live a totally different lifestyle around non-Christians. However, after hearing a powerful sermon at a Christian youth rally, I knew that something had to change. I finally told my parents my deepest wish: To attend a church that speaks more to my generation. Immediately, they asserted that I couldn't go. Still, after a day filled with tear-drenched tissues and sore throats, my parents finally allowed me to attend a new one, a place where I could be my own self. My timid whisper turned into an audible voice.
For the first time in my life, I started to sing to others. It took a while to get accustomed to performing in front of people, especially in God's Image, a talented team of youths that sing and dance. However, since I joined the praise team at New Hope a month later, performing suddenly became easier. Without the encouragement from my church members, I would have never gotten over my stage fright. No longer was I the shy girl that always did what she was told. No, I was me. In turn, I became outgoing and bubbly like I'd always wanted to be, ready to try new things.
After realizing that I needed performing arts credits to graduate, I grudgingly joined the school choir. After two years in the school choir, which was more than I needed to graduate, I was selected to join the highest choirs at school: A Capella and Madrigals. The basso of spirituals, the giddiness of Broadway hits and the sorrowful stories of the songs in foreign languages caught and held my attention. Who knew that choral music could be so interesting and useful? I never expected it to bring my singing voice to new heights! My once audible voice evolved into a charming melody.
I never knew that a fuller voice could make such a big impact. All of a sudden, I found myself winning. From fifth place with A Capella at the Golden State Festival (a competition between the best school choirs in Northern California) to second place at my school's talent show by belting out "If I Ain't Got You" by Alicia Keys, I had surpassed my goals. Furthermore, since the third annual God's Image concert, we have raised $10,000 to build a school and an AIDS hospital in Nagaland, India. Although the awards were wonderful, helping others was much more gratifying. If I'd learned anything, it was that there is a nice small intersection between my desire to sing and doing something meaningful for others. My lonesome melody soon developed into a harmony.
Finally, I realized that before I was what everyone expected of me: a "good Korean Christian girl". Although this was not a bad thing, I saw in my introverted younger self a desire to be more than those four words. When I came out of my comfort zone by going to a different church from my parents, I didn't know if my decision would become a complete failure or success. But I now know the answer. I'm a devout Christian, and yes, I am still Korean. I'm more outgoing and I'm now categorized as bubbly. But most importantly, I'm happy. Who knew that I would find my voice? At last! My incomplete harmony transformed into a beautiful song.