Undergraduate / Common App Essay ( The one with unlimited words ) [11]

Until seven days ago, I had one focus - to make it to Carnegie Mellon, score that 90 plus percentile in my finals, yet perform every gig my band was offered.

that sounds weird. I would keep what you had in the first draft.

I still hold on to that dream, but with a difference.

the "difference" sounds weird too. i don't really know how to fix it.

important one: family.

value might be better?

Remarkably selfless, to me she epitomised the archetypal grandmother. Simple, adoring, lovable and always around. Till the time she fell prey to a deadly eye disease: Endophthalmitis.

Maybe change the period after grandmother into a colon. and then maybe change the wording of the last sentnece? because it's a fragment, and because it sounds like after she got endophthalmitis she's no longer adoring and lovable.

Though slowly

should be "slowly though,"

you have a lot of random periods in there, so maybe read through and figure out where you can combine some sentences?

Undergraduate / why BU? ("born and raised in Walnut, California") [10]

LOL, guys, characters are like. single letters, spaces, commas, periods. this post is 117 characters right here.

Undergraduate / why BU? ("born and raised in Walnut, California") [10]

you mean you think its 200 words not 200 characters? yeah hopefully he means words cause 200 characters is NOTHING.

either way...

"From an academic standpoint" that can be changed to "academically"

Undergraduate / why BU? ("born and raised in Walnut, California") [10]

200 CHARACTERS? 200 characters is like literally 2 sentences, just so you know. 200 words is like. a paragraph.

Undergraduate / Need help on short answer (Acceptance and respect) [5]

Acceptance and respect are necessary because there are bound to be differences in the way people think.

you can change this to...

Acceptance and respect are necessary because difference in opinion is inevitable.