Posts by MrAndy1

MrAndy1

Aug 26, 2012

Undergraduate / (TransferEssay- 1 Semester)- Reasons for Leaving & Academic Goals at UCONN :) [5]

Thanks Ann! Glad you liked it, reassurance is such an amazing thing! So I'm going to submit it and thanks for the critique :)

MrAndy1

Aug 25, 2012

Undergraduate / "The world I come from" -Uc Prompt (dark and twisted) [2]

I love the topic!! I also come from a background of substantial struggle which I finally overcame after several years.
The topic is definitely good, but put more of YOU into it. You need to really get your emotions across with this one. Abuse must have been a terrible, terrible thing to go through. Relief from it, after years and years, must have been like heaven.

I counsel individuals with substance abuse problems, I've heard many talk about abuse during early childhood/adolescents. When they talk to me.. I can FEEL what they are saying, I can SENSE how deep this experience cut them. It sends chills through my body sometimes.

WHY do you want to be there for others - because you know EXACTLY how horrible it feels. Show that.
WHY do you want them to know they can call you and talk to you, even at 3 in the morning - because you know that desperation as only someone who has been through it does.

Take us through the journey, put more of your heart into it.
This essay can be the greatest thing you've ever written. So far, yes it's good, but I'd say you can add to it. Even one sentence can make all the difference. When I read it I can understand, I know what it is to suffer in a similar way to you. Others who read it will know, and understand based on your explanation, but you need to get them to feel it.

You do a good job at showing you've recovered, I just feel like more emotion could contribute, but its just my suggestion, don't take it as law.

I hope you get what I'm saying, but honestly even if you keep the essay how it is now it would probably be fine :)

I'm just trying to motivate you! I hope you don't take anything I'm saying as negative.
You have an absolutely amazing basis for which to write this essay - the essay question is perfect for you.
Best of luck my friend

MrAndy1

Aug 25, 2012

Essays / Cheating in schools and how it is affecting our generation - topic elaboration [17]

Well everyone knows the consequences of cheating, etc. Like others have said, it could be a bit bland. There are millions of issues of importance out there! I would suggest going for something with some more spunk!

Ask yourself: do you want to stand out in this essay? I don't think addressing the issue of cheating would make you stand out from others, its a bit boring, at least to me. Write something you're passionate about!! There is 100% at least one issue of importance that YOU are passionate about, and others will get that from your writing. That's the most important piece. With that said, if you are very passionate about giving light to this issue, then go for it, I just assume you thought of it for the essay and aren't really that enthralled by it.

Could be wrong though. Goodluck

MrAndy1

Aug 25, 2012

Undergraduate / UT Austin Admittance Essay -" Address A Problem" [5]

America, as a nation, has grown to be as successful and independent as
it is thanks to one strong factor: hard work. The earliest generation of
Americans worked tediously just to provide for themselves the necessities
needed, just to survive. As time went on , and freedom and liberty had been achieved little by little ,
people began to labor for themselves in order to get the things that they desired.
~~while already being provided~~T he necessities of survival had already been provided . However, in our
present generation,provision has taken a dangerous turn.W e ~~have been~~are provided with both what we need and what we want,
leaving us with nothing to work for. This has led to a ~~spiraling fall~~sharp decline in
productivity of our country's youth.~~which~~This is one of the most discouraging and
unaddressed<-----but now you are addressing it! I thought it fits the prompt better to use "unaddressed" problems in our society today .

will continue later, sorry for holdup!

MrAndy1

Aug 24, 2012

Undergraduate / (TransferEssay- 1 Semester)- Reasons for Leaving & Academic Goals at UCONN :) [5]

So I want to transfer as a 2nd semester freshman pretty much. My application is 100% finished except for some editing to my essay. Would it be better to submit the application earlier?

Currently I only have 4 credits from an AP exam, the rest of my credits wont be complete until after the 1st semester - end of december - and the deadline for the transfer app is Oct 1st.

I definitely want UCONN to consider my community college grades - because I plan on the 4.0 - but it seems as if the only thing they'll have to go off of is my 3.2 high school gpa and 1890 SAT score, both of which were accomplished with absolute minimal effort; something I am definitely not proud of in retrospect. Really wish I put more effort into it.

I have a bunch of really good EC's but I'm not sure how much they play into the decision.
Also went through a big personal struggle, not sure if I could incorporate that - it's not something many people understand.

Anyone else have experience with transferring anywhere after just 1 college semester?
Sorry it's unrelated to my essay directly, but it relates to my transfer, and I can't find answers/ advice anywhere else. Thanks everyone

Also would like other suggestions and critique for my essay, I plan on submitting it in a few days if no one has any advice left =P

MrAndy1

Aug 22, 2012

Undergraduate / UT Austin Admittance Essay -" Address A Problem" [5]

ended up working really late tonight, but will do it tommorow definitely!

MrAndy1

Aug 22, 2012

Undergraduate / UT Austin Admittance Essay -" Address A Problem" [5]

The main idea is good, essentially: today's generation given everything, doesn't have to work hard, large negative impact; reason 1,2,3 etc - it's very clear and I like the idea.

However, you bring up your specific problem and explain it well, but you don't do anything to really "address" it. What would a solution be? How could we lessen this problem a bit? I'm not sure of the exact prompt for the essay, but I assume when they say "address" they want you to add in something about a suggested solution, i.e. how would YOU go about solving this problem?

The whole essay is a critique, no answers.

The grammar is pretty good overall, later tonight I could get around to fixing some of it if you'd like.
Try to add in a little bit about a solution/ fix and trim up the description of the problem a tad. I'll check back in later, best of luck my friend!

MrAndy1

Aug 20, 2012

Undergraduate / (TransferEssay- 1 Semester)- Reasons for Leaving & Academic Goals at UCONN :) [5]

For significant personal reasons, I withdrew my acceptance to the University of Connecticut: Greater Hartford Campus for the fall semester. I had applied directly to this campus without a full understanding that I would not be able to transfer to the Storr's campus until after 2 years. My original decision was to delay my college education until the Spring - when there was the possibility of being readmitted into UCONN; this time at the Storr's campus - but Gateway offers me a chance to continue my education for a very modest cost per semester, at a location very close to my home.

Now, I'll be attending Gateway Community College in the fall. I'm excited to start, because I know I'll be able to get the "A" GPA I've always been capable of. I paid for the first semester at Gateway myself, and I plan to get the most out of it I possibly can. The diverse student population and new location in downtown New Haven make it very appealing to me. It allows me very close proximity to where I assist with Substance Abuse Counseling, and I'll be exposed to such a variety of different people from all walks of life. The opportunity seems spectacular!

I plan to major in psychology to pursue my interest in cognitive science. Since I began to counsel those suffering with substance dependency my interest in the human mind has blossomed and flourished.

With all that said, however, Gateway is limited in what classes it is able to offer me. I've heard great things about College of Liberal Arts and Sciences at The University of Connecticut - Storr's campus. The rigorous science courses that are offered there will not simply teach me Cognitive Science, but allow me to truly understand it. An understanding that I will undoubtedly carry with me to graduate school and some day obtaining my doctoral degree.

Cognitive Science is such an intricate discipline, one that I would be proud to study at the highly accredited University of Connecticut. The academic challenge it offers, the chance to explore my major not just inside the classroom but in the field, and the broad array of campus-life activities and organizations make clear that the The University of Connecticut is the very best institution to pursue my education in psychology and establish a foundation for my future.

At the University of Connecticut I intend to take a multitude of courses in psychology along with courses in biological sciences. The mind is such an intricate entity and requires understanding at both cellular and systemic levels.

Readmission into the University of Connecticut as a transfer student would mean an impressive college experience and the ability to acquire complete comprehension of cognitive science as it is known today. es in biological sciences. The mind is such an intricate entity and requires understanding at both cellular and systemic levels.

***This is my first draft, and I have not yet started classes at community college, they begin Sept. 4th. I applied to Uconn, directly to a branch campus and was accepted, but did not realize i would not be allowed to switch to storrs until after 2 years. For this reason as well as personal struggles and a distance issue (1hr drive each way) i withdrew my acceptance. I'm working to save for college, as my parents cannot give much in financial aid. UCONN has always been my first choice. The deadline for application is October 1st, 2012.***