Unanswered [14] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 2


"The world I come from" -Uc Prompt (dark and twisted)


Faith4 1 / -  
Aug 25, 2012   #1
*Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.*

Just when I thought I was at a dead end, nowhere to go, no one to turn to, I met an amazing woman who changed my perspective on everything. The world I came from was a very dark and twisted world. My life may not have always been the best but I sure have learned to make the best of every challenging situation I face. Not many know my story because I do not like to share it. For many years I put up with abuse until the age of thirteen. When I began therapy, that's when I met Dr. Zoila. She, without a doubt, is the woman who has shaped my dreams and aspirations. Meeting her is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I would love to one day be able to help people the way she helped me. My dream is to one day become a psychologist and work at the Barbra Sinatra Children's Center. Nothing would make me happier than to work with children who can relate to my story. I want to help kids regain their childhood, and let them know that they will always have someone there for them Like Zoila was always there for me; someone they can go to or talk to without feeling afraid of being judged. She made me realize that my past defines who I am and everything I have been through has made me a stronger person. She has made me realize my true identity and I am a dedicated, kid hearted, and motivated girl. The world I have come from has not been a pretty place, but I am capable of creating my own new world now and that is exactly what I have been doing these past four years and will continue to do so. The new world I come from now is filled with people who care for me and will never bring me down. There's nothing but happiness in this new world, sure I'll hit a couple bumps on the road but I will no longer let anything bring me down. I have come from two completely different worlds, one bad and one good but I have met amazing people along the way who have made me realize bad experiences sometimes shape you more than positive ones.

Metaphorically speaking, this woman is my world and she along with my past has shaped me to become the person I am now. I am strong, dedicated, and ambitious girl I will always see the bright side in things. The experiences and people that make up my world have made me realize what my true dreams and aspirations are in life. What turned out to be the worst time of my life came out to be the most life changing. I do not have to live in a dark and twisted world because I have moved to a bright world which is the one I come from now.

-PLEASE REVISE!(:
MrAndy1 1 / 7  
Aug 25, 2012   #2
I love the topic!! I also come from a background of substantial struggle which I finally overcame after several years.
The topic is definitely good, but put more of YOU into it. You need to really get your emotions across with this one. Abuse must have been a terrible, terrible thing to go through. Relief from it, after years and years, must have been like heaven.

I counsel individuals with substance abuse problems, I've heard many talk about abuse during early childhood/adolescents. When they talk to me.. I can FEEL what they are saying, I can SENSE how deep this experience cut them. It sends chills through my body sometimes.

WHY do you want to be there for others - because you know EXACTLY how horrible it feels. Show that.
WHY do you want them to know they can call you and talk to you, even at 3 in the morning - because you know that desperation as only someone who has been through it does.

Take us through the journey, put more of your heart into it.
This essay can be the greatest thing you've ever written. So far, yes it's good, but I'd say you can add to it. Even one sentence can make all the difference. When I read it I can understand, I know what it is to suffer in a similar way to you. Others who read it will know, and understand based on your explanation, but you need to get them to feel it.

You do a good job at showing you've recovered, I just feel like more emotion could contribute, but its just my suggestion, don't take it as law.

I hope you get what I'm saying, but honestly even if you keep the essay how it is now it would probably be fine :)

I'm just trying to motivate you! I hope you don't take anything I'm saying as negative.
You have an absolutely amazing basis for which to write this essay - the essay question is perfect for you.
Best of luck my friend


Home / Undergraduate / "The world I come from" -Uc Prompt (dark and twisted)
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳