Unanswered [16] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by 13Oseik
Joined: Aug 22, 2012
Last Post: Aug 26, 2012
Threads: 1
Posts: 2  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 3
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13Oseik   
Aug 26, 2012
Undergraduate / "it's an adrenaline rush" - NYU- What intrigues you [4]

I'm Looking to get some feed back on the short essay, this is my first draft.

As Eminem once said,"it's an adrenaline rush to feel the bass thump
In the place all the way to the parking lot". In one sense music is like a dose of adrenaline when in the hands of an athlete preparing to hit the field with confidence. In another, music gives a social movement a voice or an identity, connecting like minded individuals by sound. Furthermore music can also create a suspenseful atmosphere in a scene that racks up the nerves of the viewers. Like water which takes the shape of its container, the power of music takes shape in the context of it's use. The ample amount of purposes music can take on is something which is truely amazing and i find intriguing.

Music is the essence of my being. I'll go hours on end listening to everything from Wu-tang Clan to Hans Zimmer. When I'm with friends I get carried off explaining why a song hits the way it does by analyzing the production and songwriting. Music is like no other media, I can express myself in a creative manner and have others connect to what I make and use it however they like. That is what I love about music.
13Oseik   
Aug 22, 2012
Undergraduate / "Dr. Seuss's impcact" - COMMON APP- Someone who has made an impact on your life. [7]

I agree with you, you are writing a bit to much about him. Focus on some of the things you find interesting about Dr. Suess and SHOW how you emulate him. You want to show how Dr. Seuss made you into the person you are today. So write about how he influences the way you think, dress, see the world, etc.
13Oseik   
Aug 22, 2012
Undergraduate / Common App - 'Ty demands and receives respect' - influential person [4]

Great start, but you don't show how Ty has influenced you. Briefly talk about Ty's career and talk more about his personality. Talk more about how he conducts himself and the relationship he holds with the people at his school. From there SHOW what you've learned from him and how you incorporate his teachings into your life. Pull the reader into a scene where you demonstrate his influence. You don't want to write to much about him, write about you. The essay is all about YOU, remember that.
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